Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

just a little bit of distraction.

Our Demonblaster.

Demonblaster, is the name that will kick beasty away,

Just the name Demonblaster, will make beasty run way,

The lady behind the name is so gentle and kind,

Another like Deebi, I know you'll never find,

Insight and knowledge is her game play,

She teaches us the beasty and how we can delay.

[IT]'s darkness and sorrow, and negative ways,

To bring peace in our lives, by kicking Beasty away,

Deebi, self talks and screams at the black dog,

Thats the part of beasty, that's his dark fog,

That gentle kind person Deebi her name,

Has now become Demonblaster and owning her name,

her fire she instills deep in us all

To burn the beasty until [IT] falls,

Demonblaster will take the beasty forever away,

While Deebi, will put a bright light into our day.

Deebi, is gentle, compassionate and kind,

Another like Deebi, you'll never find.

Love and Care, always. 🤗💫❤️💫⭐️

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Grandy YOU ROCK lady, what beautiful words, thankyou that's beautiful.

Some here have said I'm gentle which is beautiful to hear, but yeah/nah, yes but nothin doin when someone's outwardly aggressive to me, haven't gone off for lonnnng time, actually about due lol nah but gotta temper and no lady in the process for swears, but Yeah I guess mostly gentle just the damn beast, yeah I was nursing & with people as long as they behave 😄

Thankyou good to see you back my precious
Do think about you a lot and a lot of other people too & great thing is now days it's not so much about the one's that hurt me so eat that one Beasty!!!!!!

You're going to be same one day me lady love you're pretties, I'm on PC it's easier, bigger than tablet but haven't got the emoji's or emotes & tablets got a few naughties so have to put it in one day

[Ggrand]

Hello DB, I'm pleased you like the little poem,

I wrote a reply on my other thread to you not through yet..i kind of poured my heart out to you a bit, to much sadness it's never going to get any better for me, my hurt goes to deep, digging them up is breaking me up.

love and care.

Grandy.

[blondguy]

Hi DB....Thankyou for the super honest post and your kindness is appreciated more than you know 🙂

I have always had difficulty holding my concentration since my anxiety fired up in 1983 when I was 23....Being unable to leave my home without chronic panic attacks I was very interested in reading a small paperback about why anxiety/depression happens and what to do about it.

It is written in plain english without any jargon and after a few scattered reads (and some counseling) it gave me my life back....seriously

I will check back in and catch up and excuse I for the delay in responding too....This humidity in Melb is a major pain at over 90%...ugh...

Thanks for letting me whinge 🙂

My Kindest

Paul

[demonblaster]

Thx Paul have you been ok haven't seen you for a while either, good to see you back too

Sounds horrendous the panic attacks, I remember you saying in "other thread" re book, sounds fantastic so glad the combo helped you so much

I don't think I've ever had concentration 🙂 ever! yeah mines been all life but probs not to your degree apart from BP downs maybe. Do have the good times a fair bit too phew

Jeez soz budz lol, meant to say pg 23 must've taken a while to get there unless I did remember

Woe that's high humidity ditto here but not your temps usually. I count down the mths over summer but recently learnt to handle the heat, hate it though even in NZ Auckland has whopping humidity low temps around 26 ish but equivalent to high humid 34ish here sometimes higher

Could you plz if you don't mind tell me the concept of acceptance when you can no rush. thx heaps matey, no probs re delay appreciate you coming in 🙂 Tc

Ok Grandy I'll get over before I choof from here tonight & see if it's landed otherwise I'll catch you tomoz, I know you're doing it so hard, don't like how she went about it, going to try & remember to ask my psych when I see her, not often unfortunately why that method, I try and think deeper into why I think too it's workable but clearly not for everyone. I still reckon she should have done this in small bits.
Darlin you've pulled through so many times and you will again & you've got us now & we're always holding your hands. Saying that here in case it's not landed yet.

[startingnew]

👋💜💙😘😘😘

[blondguy]

Hi DB

No worries at all and always a treat to be welcomed by you too!

Calm & True Acceptance of anxiety/depressive symptoms I learned off Dr Claire Weekes in her book 'Self Help for your Nerves'. Claire Weekes passed away a while ago now but is the only psychiatrist that had an anxiety condition and found a way to make anxiety 'boring' (reducing the fear that triggers the anxiety issues)

I hope you have a good day DB and thanks for the good question as well 🙂

My Kindest

Paul

[demonblaster]

Thanks Paul

Would you have time to say key points at all I'm thinking cause you got so much out of it it could help many that don't read here, me included much with non fiction but want to learn as much as po bout the beast

Could you plz if you don't mind explain the concept of acceptance when you can no rush, ok if not.

Hope yours is good too

Starts me SLD well well isn't that a nice basket of yums, not one to complain but come on girl, where's the damn chocolate cake, ooops said that out loud aye.
Thx sweets & for your support & help on thingy thread & "other one" now it just sounds like I'm sleep walking, Yip pretty much

[Sapphire_]

Heya DB.

I dont know much about BP so dont feel like i have anything of value to say. However i have been reading your posts to learn more. My friend has BP so your posts helps me to understand more. She has helped me alot since i first sought help. Will be nice to help her in return thanks to your knowledge.

Sending you hugs and loves ❤❤❤ Sapphire.

[demonblaster]

Hey darls thanks calling in 🙂 lot of reading although there's heaps of repeating there's different bits about BP back further too. With BP how people are in cycles depends on their personality not sure yet of the right word but it's like an extension. Mania has several things goes on at once some people may not have problems with them eg: Excessive spending. I'm not 100% yet but there's type 1 & 2 & other can't think word again parts will do. When I learn to express better I'll one day make it all clearer & easier to understand. Mostly I'm in BP when I'm doing entries so it's all pretty scattered & apart from I do anyway repeat some people read last couple or so posts

Thrilled about your friend & just at the time too when you turned if you know what I mean, like something happened in your mindset aye and you pulled up strength, it's there we've just gotta find it.

Glad you dropped into "other thread" cause apart from the one's I told you about all those new replies too, great supportive community, magic place

:D like that hugs & loves stealing it 🙂 back atcha darls