Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Lovely to see you and you're very welcome honey, thanks so much for your lovely comments, very lifting and appreciated, I feel you speak from your heart xx
BP I talk about a lot and would drive people nuts but tssskkk they drive me nuts sometimes too so give and take lol, but for education with MI, understanding and I get on well with 98% people so they see my goods and hopefully know it's not to be feared, mind you hack me off and let's go lol no lady 😄 but I try and keep the temper under wraps, don't like going off or hurting people, not my way.
With BP there's a lot to it unfortunately I repeat a lot but trying to learn to articulate better and also a lot of people only read the last couple posts but basically if you Sapphire Starts and I had BP we'd all react differently cause as opposed to other MI which I don't fully understand why yet but apart from mania set of symptoms everyone being different reacts differently, it's kinda extremes either way of our personalities, and there's type 1 & 2 which is more settled and slightly elevated mood, more depression where as 1 is more likely to have hallucinations, grand deur, dellusions, psycotic episodes but not necessarily, but they have less depression. There's a lot more too it but that's the basics, I've been both without above hallucinations etc. Buzz beyond in mania type 1 or 2, wow.
Thankyou I appreciate that you want to support as I do you too, working on the other stuff, 2nd attempt. I have to get to bed soon, it's only day 3 and I'm ragged already, it really screws with the sleep and the energy that gets spent in the ups is beyond but ok atm.
I"ll get into your thread at some time and have a read of first few posts then last few then I can keep following from there. Oh some with BP don't have the ups just the downs poor buggers.
Take care sweet (( you're a hugger? can't remember who is))

Sapphire how lovely to see you too 🙂 thanks for popping in, jeez I'm so happy for how you're getting along. Buzz or what girl. Soooo good seeing people come from the bottom and start rising, left a msg for you in other thread ( the one)
Sleep tight my lovelies, thanks so much for calling in, nice to have visitors 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Lovely to see you here, Mandy and Sapphire 🙂

I’m happy you’re feeling the super soul hugs. I learnt from the best, after all ❤️

Thanks for explaining your in-between moods (i.e. between depression and mania). It must be a little frustrating that you end up feeling a little flat and unmotivated during those moods.

Your psych sounds fantastic, and I’m glad they recognise your self awareness too. I think it’s a good thing 🙂

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and for your caring messages on my thread (you too, Butterfly Wings). It really does mean a lot ❤️❤️ I just haven’t been feeling very chatty about my own life at the moment. Nevertheless, I still feel very grateful for your love and support.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

Thanks DB, and yes I do like hugs. Please dont feel hard pressed to get back to me on my thread. I know you'll get there when you can, and I'll appreciate it when you do. But I know how busy you keep around here, and don't wish to add to your load while you're not feeling the best.

Thanks also for the further explanation around Bipolar. It helps to try to better understand. Thinking about what you said there, my brother in law must be Type 1. I say that because he definitely gets delusions and hallucinations. Which is probably why they initially thought he had schizophrenia, and were treating him for that. Until he was finally reassessed and found to be Bipolar. Once they got the diagnosis right, the treatment has been much more successful. His main problem now though is the massive amount of weight he has put on. I know the medication is a big contributor to this, so its really hard for him. And it certainly gets him down, both physically and psychologically. To the extent that he used to go off his meds, and then go totally off the rails again. He's been stable for a few years now though.

Thanks Pepper, and hello to you also, as I don't believe we've met before.

Happy Australia Day everyone.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

You're lovely Mandy 🙂

Thanks for being so understanding & supportive, sorry I meant to reply to you just then in BB Cafe but pushed the button, been working hrs on a new thread & God I hope it goes through yikes.
The other stuff will take longer, hoping like hell. Be 3rd attempt.

That's going by my fairly extensive research but as far as I know it's more likely with type 1. Jeez your poor BIL he's gone through a lot, what a relief with the meds, but how awful for anyone weight gain through them, it does pull us down both ways. Would've been hard on family too without downing him.

Happies to you all today too 🙂 I'm a kiwi, just googled mind you lol I think our equivalent is Waitangi day in NZ I put up the info on that in the cafe for anyone that's interested. Thanks appreciate that you reply, often there posts get overlooked and ya feel quite dejected & I've heard a couple others say same, a lot of people only read last couple of posts, I'm a bit like you, I try to answer and usually read back if I can from last post depending how long ago. Hate ignoring people when esp when they're good enough to talk directly to someone.

Have a great day all

[demonblaster]

BP day 6.

Sleep with sleepers few hrs, didn't work yesterday arvo, had two which should have knocked me but mania holding me up. Tired but ok
Mood good. Little tears couple of times but quickies and over it. Only tiredness not down as such.

Spent about 16 hrs almost solid here but ok cause love it and distraction.

Haven't got outta nighty all day and joy someone came to the door and it was open but locked so couldn't sneak past and throw something on, be ok but it's bit see through the poor thing, lucky I know her lol excused my attire and got on with it 😄
Nearly had another visitor but coming over w/e.

This is gross I know but often you don't worry about showering but I will before I go to bed and If I'm going out I do or wash. Consistent with BP and probs other MH

Doing something I'll talk about later, safe (as in I sort of shouldn't but have discussed with GP tho he said better to not but can't go any lower than I've been over life each cycle till recently (last 2) & there IS as in not irrrational reasoning behind this) No risk as such to my life

If this mania stays at this level, it's very mild as in how to say, yeah happy, talking more, do anyway a lot, staying up too late, going well or better on diet though, you can make up your mind about things in mania and stick with for a while too, haven't walked last couple days, must but was planning to go back to bed but spent literally hrs (about 5) on a new thread, if anyone's interested to pop in and strut there stuff it's
"HELPFUL numbers, Threads, Apps & Internet sites. Quick forum reference." to save time & be able to quick access to help others for info in threads and promote help threads too. Could have probs knocked off an hr if I didn't keep losing posts even though I was saving and putting somewhere still managed to stuff it but wasn't gunna let it beat me, started to get a bit ancious a couple of times cause wanted to finish and go bed but challenged thought and didn't let it get me frustrated and the stress settled quickly. WIN over you BEASTY!

That'll do gunna have shower and try sleep without pills which would be a bonus if it happens, gunna run out soon but should be able to get something organised with GP or chemist before I see GP early ish Feb. Life line, would be lucky to get 3/4 hrs and that's without mania excitement going on.
Night night thx listening

[Guest8901]

Yes good night to you too DB. I did read that new thread of yours by the way. A useful thing to have all helpful references in the one spot. Well done to you and your perceverence with it. Yes, definitely a WIN to you, ovr BEASTY. Now go rest, hopefully an easy and long one.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

You are such a sweety, thanks hun and you have a lovely one too, I could easily sit up all night but this is too late, I can hack life if most nights I get about 10 hrs sleep, with a couple less here and there. But with 10 I'm happy which is pretty much most of the time when I'm not in BP downs that are crippling but try like hell to hold up around people and not be a misery bag or stroppy, hate letting my rot out on others, think it's one of our major bads as a race, have though at times didn't know how not to kinda mind you to be fair a chunk of people had it coming. But learning, one thing good about getting older is theoretcically lol we get more mellow and better 😄 well most anyway

How are you travelling darl

[demonblaster]

Deleted big post, though this is mild it's all still going on minus much buzz (excitement & energy) it's a major hard to let mania go, I resent letting it go anyone would, hopefully I'll still have at least bits of, and lucky to experience the ultimate in happiness, but has to be done, but major achieve to be getting control over it. Mind you it was the 2 sleepers that did the job damn it in day time that one did give me an hr I think but stopped it in it's tracks, have to talk to Doc about that see if I can get a truck load 🙂

Mania like depression feeds of tiredness. Stimulation can bring it on, exercise, caffeine, have 3 max daily was going mental on it in type 1. I'm easily stimulated
Basically it's an extension of individuals personalities, mania has a set few things, it booms everything energy, motivation, ideas, thinking, spending, talking, projects you have heaps on at once, I think the urgency to get it all done is subconciously we know it won't last too long, although you can keep her going excitement, happy the absolute ultimate, true utter happiness, confidence, sensitive yes but in the good parts nah, carefree, risk taking, can drive fast ( I didn't), increased sex drive, promiscuous, hard to reason with someone manic often, go go go so I've got most down now projects usually a couple, get obsessed on things, hyper (up) & hypo means low incidentally. Not so risky now well yeah a bit, can be reasoned with better now but am reasonable usually anyway. Phone calls all hours to people, not everyone probs does all of this but this is mania symptoms, there's more but pills kicking in.

Tried no sleepers but hr and half still awake and want to stay but it's 3 am now
that'll do gotta crash
Night or morning

[Ggrand]

Hello my special lady,

Just sending you some love and care..💫💫❤️🦋🌈🤗🤗

Grandy.

[startingnew]

stay safe DB

here for you anytime xoxox