Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Hi my special lady xoxo


I think your idea of doing like art, more TT, walks and other things that you enjoy might help to keep you more stable. Youll still have your cycles- that the nature of Bipolar but as you said youve been working on it and its not as bad as they have been in the past. It shows how hard youve been working, even that light improvement is showing that.
Im wondering if your brain works a similar way to mine where I need to problem solve- well not so much problem solve but doing things that require some thinking or productivity. I tend to tend puzzles, cross words, study when I can, and with my art I find a picture and copy it and try and get it as close to the picture I chose as possible. Gentle self care is great with the long drives, reading, and things like that but sometimes the brain needs to be activeley doing something.


When your talking to Grandy about the comfort you feel from here and certain people/person in particular is what I feel. That is why I created my 'safe place' it has the people from here who really comfort me. I can feel them with me, like their spirits and words( thats why I said to you 'darlin/g is one of those words) stay with me. Very good isnt it, one of the best feelings without actual human contact.


Like others have said, your self awareness is amazing! Its easier to handle things when you understand them and/or the reasoning behind them. The only problem is the more self aware you the more the psychs and mh team question you and what your going through. Almost like youve read up on it and are just going along with it- which isnt the case but rather people needing an understanding of what is happening to them. It also makes it harder for people to help and psychs themselves have a hard time working out their next move- good challenge for them.


Anyway enough from me..
sending lots of hugs your way and making sure my butterflies will keep an eye on you
xoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Paully (saying Paully out of affection if you dont like it let me know ☺..I'll say it anyway 😉😁 just sassing 😄

While I think of it wanted to thankyou for all your support I think you're a lovely person & you said once here I'm a weapon thanks budz that meant 🤗 know & stoked you're a hugger

Thx dropping in, haven't got back enough to something you've mentioned on occassion that I'm very interested in learning more about, I learn better by hearing from people as opposed to reading but on occassion I do so I remember you saying about the book but I rarely read non fiction, concentration doesn't hold well mainly so re acceptance, if you don't mind can you plz explain more, I don't mean to come across as argumentative but will question it only in quest to learn from responses & because I don't yet understand

Many thx budz 🤗 Hope your days are good

[startingnew]

You are a weapon DB xoxo

Im a little confused by what book you mean? I dont mind helping but just abit confused by what you mean

[demonblaster]

My SLD yeah remember you saying bout darling,that's why I throw it now. Makes ya feel looked after aye

Fantastic insightful post darling I've noticed we have similarities in our thinking which I like doing & work out reasons for everything, helps to understand & yip problem solving in this instance. My biggy that I ponder often is what's it all about. I"m positive one main reason is we're here to learn and a biggy is how to improve

Thx sweetheart you're always appreciated deeply (((souls))) Oh been mentioning you around & in Pauls Liking yourself thread re being a hard task master 😄 xx

The inbetweens (Cycles) not sure if because it's major what goes on so wether the mind just needs a break completely but pushing through seems a good go in depression so will try

Going back to bed soon, sleepers last night, nah this morning at 4am, awake 8.30ish. Do same soon, Have too else the hell later goes under the line as you know friggen scary hole

Tbh psychs are great, Mine comes from Canberra 6 wkly I only pay $30 dif she's a clinical, charges less than what she can but can't often afford it. Best by far as she said I pretty much do the work for them, so I kinda haven't got heaps from them, but some stuff yes. There's other stuff I want to one day go through but mainly have worked on BP to date

I'm a bit like Peps and Grandy, there's not much that I get enjoyment out of, love being around people,tt & volunteer with special needs with tt do love that.Can't anymore but ultimate love was Pokies 21 yr habit compulsive hard life but you become very resilient to pain & depression didn't enter the picture because of the obsession might've stopped me, wish I could apply that to now. One day. getting there so that counts. Poor late partner though, shit life for him, I did what I could to make it easier, did majority of getting us through,calls to negotiate late payments, talking to rent bods, borrowing $. Barely shed a tear yet BP it pours out. I do like walking hills.
Liked living on the edge but got a bit more sensible in my yrs, nah, delete lol, who am I kidding

[demonblaster]

ooops scattered...more than usual that is 😄

Asking Paul Blondguy about the book, it's about acceptance but I don't read nonfiction much.

Paul it's a couple or more up when you're ready 🙂 No pressure

[startingnew]

Oh duh DB- I didnt even think of that. Lol.


Yes DB, very looked after xox


sometimes trying to work out why we are here causes inner turmoil, unneccessary really. If you really get down to basics its all about reproduction 😉 but really we are here and that is all that matters. Finding a purpose helps yes but not the end all and be all. Life is a journey full of adventures.
Oh have you now, I dont mind. You are a hard task master!


Yes please keep up with your sleep, we all know where it leads if you dont sleep. So keep resting and sleeping when you can. Our minds do need a break sometimes so resting is necessary even if its mindless tv.


Oh thats really good pricing DB, hopefully youll get to talk about what you want to now that your BP is starting to come around a little more. Maybe your strong enough to go through the other stuff-perhaps bring it up at your next session.....


there is a difference between happiness and joy db, I just want to point that out. I dont have much happiness nor do I enoy much either however the things we do like (doesnt have to be love) we gravitate towards and stick with those but its good to try new things.
Your moments of joy come from being around people, TT, art. These things might only be short term and you feel well not depressed basically. Finding the light in the dark moments so to speak.

p.s my msg to you from yesterdays just popped up on my thread

[demonblaster]

lol yeah I've been busy darlin talking about you not to you, 😉 you know that's the easier way lol

Yeah/nah pondering on what it's all about never pulls me down, it fascinates me, ooop did a spock then (startrek)

Yeah realised before what I love doing and plan to stay long term is being here helping people, that's what I've always liked to do and win win cause I'm learning so much from everyone too.

Yeah it's just getting to the point (last 4ish yrs) since late darling passed the cycles have ramped up more often so there's not as many "normal times" that are fine, as I say usually happy go lucky and cruisy, just and this has been a lifer nothing, no motivation for stuff, although on saying that some of these I tackle most days are mammoth, quads and six pack happening ....under the blubber lol but all good.

Yeah just been in your thread hun, very very proud of you. Told ya you've got steel girl.

ooops haven't been back to bed yet, been here hrs but all good. Hopefully with this sleeper, just trying one to start get even 3 hrs would help, hate doing meds but no choice and scared of getting hooked and these are but ok cause only need them in mania, that's until I work out how to slay the sleep demon.

Go easy sweet SLD

Care very much for you ((( xxxx ))) Super souls (SS) lol Peps

[startingnew]

Hi DB


all good, I really dont mind what you say and do xox
its good that you love helping people, stay with that but also do things for yourself otherwise youll burn out. Ive experienced carer burnout a few times- different kinda for you but can call it that as well and its really not fun. Im thinking that last bout of depression I had was burnout. It wouldnt surprise me at all. Learning is great, and im glad your learning from here too. Im happy to help where I can and often get asked the hard stuff and get challanged with things to think about so go right ahead.
Your BP wouldve changed a lot more when you were gireving more heaviliy and also surrounding special dates as well. As you learn more about how to manage them as you have been doing then it improves.
Thats ok maybe wait till night to sleep but an early bed time that way you dont sleep for abit and then wont slepe tonight. Yep im hearing you with med addictions. That is a downfall of mine and the reason I have to only have a few days at a time. That was why I went last time- just recently to the ED.

[Guest8901]

Hi DB. I have been in this thread a few times over the past couple of weeks, trying to get my head around BP. Reading your description in the last day or two has explained it reasonably well.

Because I have very little knowledge of BP, I havent posted here until now. However, because you've been so helpful to me, I really wanted to be in a position to offer a bit of support if you need it anytime. As you get around so many other threads helping overyone else, it's not always obvious when you might need a bit of extra support yourself.

When I say I don't have much knowledge of BP, thats true. However I have a brother in law who was diagnosed with it around 10 years ago. Medication now seems to keep him reasonably stable, although there were times in the past where it didnt. He is in a different state to us however, and I only see him maybe once a year. That is about the only experience I have had with BP. It sounds like a scary roller coaster ride of ups and downs.

Although I dont have BP, I do have occasional severe lows, and can relate to that side of things. I just dont get the highs. For me there's the (relatively) normal and then there are the lows. So, although I'm unable to provide practical advice, I would very much like to be able to offer emotional support if or when needed. I can see you have a lot of wonderful (and much deserved) support already, but I expect there's room for one more?

Amanda

[Sapphire_]

Heya DB ❤

Just popping in to say Hi. Hope thats ok. 😊

Sapphire ❤🌼