Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Friend, and Pammy.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗..

awe honey crying a bummer, if you come over to mine we can cry together, I have loads of tissues. Oh yeah I bought you a new 💺 Recliner, for you visits..

My words are fogged in.. 🛤..you coming by train 🚂 or tractor🚜 Or 🏎Race car or 🚀Rocket.. lol what about ⛵️ A sail boat..

Love you Deebi, 💜..Sleep well..dream of ✌️ peace..

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 👼 🐬🐬

[demonblaster]

Girls I'll reply properly tomoz 😊I mean today

Cracking me up fortunately unfortunately seen it before halarious and her post gone Pam LOL sooo needed that laugh

The pains strong again couldnt sleep gunna be in chair again I think, yes Grandy its nerve pain (different types apparently) and atm its gun shot again thats the stronger one. Funny and good today arvo sleep arm didnt hurt first in 5 wks might have been other occasions now its both and tight round neck I'll do heat pack

Damn this!! Was going well mentally had sleeper think not sure If I can take heavy too i'll ring medicine hotline

God so over this

Really am sorry it is a constant down but at least a handful happies its starting to rule my life well has been 5 wks and the other times even sick of whinging WORSE time to run out of durries they're killing financially it all just SUX biggly atm. Am and will be ok sighhhhhhh at least theres breaks

Thank god theres chocolate in this life

[PamelaR]

Can feel your pain Deebi! So cruel. I'd really like to be like Samantha in Bewitched and wiggle my nose and you'd be pain free.

Glad you had a laugh though! I like to make people laugh. It's healthy and sometimes helps. Don't eat too much chocie.... Oh, what the heck. Go for it

I'm going to bed now. Holding your hand before I turn in Deebi. Place a soothing hand on your painful shoulder and do some Reiki to take it all away. Feel the pain leaving your body as you relax with the wind blowing and the sea breaking on shore. The star are sparkling drawing up all your pain to disperse throughout the milkyway. Release that pain from your body, relax your weary mind and drift off into a peaceful sleep.....

Nighty night.

[demonblaster]

Thanks darl beautiful gunna ring now

Sleep well sweet both of you xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I think the chair is the better bet for a while,

Awe honey, your pain is over the top..too long time now, yes it would keep you in downers, I'm so really sorry, I mean that..

Dont be sorry Deebi, for being in a long downer, I have been as well,..A few little happier Deebi seems the happiest will win..Well I hope so...

I'll pop over yours in a minute to take care of you...

Ill gentle massage your shoulder until you go to sleep. Thank goodness all my things are at your..

vent, talk, whinge, all you want honey..I'm hearvwith a good ear, to listen, and a strong shoulder for you to cry , angel wings to protect you and hands that hold you tight.

Take it easy I'll be there in 10.

Love you Deebi, 🦄🐘🔮👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 🤗🔮

[demonblaster]

Thanks Grandy yeah i think your depressions more and longer than mine

Jeez I just need sleep its tiredness thats pulling me down not BP I'm bloody over this pain. Damn wish I hadnt taken sleeper thought before either that or pain relief rang them can have both thought so but wanted be sure

Gunna take it I'll be asleep soon.

[demonblaster]

Sorry darl love you too

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Just a fleeting visit as I'm feeling really down presently.

I really wanted to respond to your many posts to me, and to let you know that I care about you .. a lot. I'm really sorry that I'm unable to support you right now. Due to my inability to be heard, I'm feeling totally useless to anybody.

Deebs ... you are the pot of gold that can be found at the end of every rainbow. Thank you so much for being you.

Kindest thoughts and well wishes

Mandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi.

Just checking in..are you okay.

Please be okay.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗 🐘 always,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 👼

[demonblaster]

Thank you Mandy, Awful darlin you're doing it so hard (( hugs )) The pits isn't it. L

Inability to be heard., I know where you"re coming from, look after you darl we're here for you and thank you I too care about you a lot too and you have so much going on and give me and others your time:) Gold x

Deleted post not in a good place at all geez desparately need the sleep but woe in the process of catching up it slams.
Distraction, saw friend on walk chats to a walker, couple of calls to friends helped for tinsy

Sooo sick of this rot this isn't what it's meant to be like

Thank you always you good people x