Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hello my gorgeous's 🤗🤗🤗🤗 there so I'll have no fighting there's one each for you and a 🍭if there's no squabbles

Grandy my sweet hello 😀 you're so sweet looking out for me like that thanks I really do need and miss my love who use to guide me lol I'm Iike a kid. He'd see me wandering off getting distracted and would keep me focused. Cool you said 7/8 mths think was about 3/4 when the swim flared it damn if Id known thought it was better. Sooo approx Nov if no more flares. The gun shot pain last night in bed I 👂 slept in chair few hrs wanna do bed but mmm may need med

No mania so you have only downs? Tho you said you weren't feeling tired it's indicative of mania but you'd know with energy abundance and feeling YEAH MAN lets play which you've not been aye.Any ? go for it

You're right re PC it hurt all the time but settled to dull roar bit less. I'll mainly tablet today

Thx re copying posts and for support re Weetbix party house was/is fun neat to have an an escape to be crazy in a healthy way 😁

love your compassionate nurturing advice thank you Grandy bonus meeting you, you give me light G ⚘yeesh oops the 🤸‍♀️ breakdancing am a bit ouchy from that and got hit in head by rolling pin 🏏close enough. Well hows your 🔮lol accurate or what woo hoo.."build it...and they will come" yum Kevin Costner

Thx but as if I'm not going to reply, you're very thoughtful. Haha love you bring out the child in me in a good way 👀 to make sure you're being a good girl 😊😚 that also gives me security. Geez insecure but I have built reasonable confidence not enough yet but coming from rock bottom low self esteem although didnt hate.,h for hate soz just thinking of something. Anyway enough bout how I'm feeling,. hearing.someones alarm going off I think might check that haven't h .,heard it before unless its an insect noise its weird

Yeah hear ya bout bath hope you oh zzz's where art thou not giving up...😡..ahhh there yaz are...boyo didn't that test it...💤..ta daaaa

Thanks Grandy 🤗 always for your 💗support

You're an awesome person hope you know that, dahhh look who I'm talking too, yeah may have to borrow those 💤 soon 🙃😴

Good on me I thought ingratiate meant ease in oops said it here and there on posts 🤣 hardly being supportive, gotta laugh at yourself nothing much I can do hope I see them to explain 😆🤣😂

Biggly 💓👀🤝😚

[demonblaster]

Dear apprentice 🤗 Pepstar you're amongst many a very supportive caring chooky thanks ☺ always

Yes does help venting and does affect MH tho apart from hissy it hasnt depressed me, just so 😃 to be "normal again for a while anyway. Not all including this pain MI can increase pain levels pain spesh said

Thanks for your kind words yeah its amazing the goods life can throw too, it was meant for him for me to be there at same time I was so happy bout that. Poor guy

Not but funny cause I thought at first understandably he spoke quietly and said hes had it twice and beaten it but clearly I missed a couple of words and 🤣 I said congratulations and was so happy for him 😂 oh god the more I think I realise 😂 I said that's omg something to be happy about...💅 & 💋 thank god he went back to it later he'd be thinking what a callous b.LOL

Someone very close to my 💓 advised I ☎️ someone for off line support I did but they lied I'm nearly sure and asked friend should I ask straight out again they said yes and continued lies and another one so yeah/nah cryptic yes

Do miss you're lovely nature and presence but of course good taking time out. One day I'll tackle that but filling a void good for me here and like helping so laters basket

Starts my SLD I think I did mention chest pain but think to do with the syrinx CSF part I'm aware and there wasnt other heart symptoms can be different symptoms for girls and nothing since at all unless I pop my clogs soon from heart as far as I know its fine. Thankyou sweety for your concern. I hope I replied to your post while back I'll check later sorry I do read back at times and they sometimes land later never intentional

It's usually not always tho ok in the chair but I'll do stuff be ages b4 I can 🏓 bugger but have to be very careful now till recovers and till Novemberish hoping no more flare ups. 😚🤗 I'll see you near future at your place darling hope its a bit better at least

Pam lovely to see you thanks for v.kind words SIL died 9 mths after my love wicked illness rare called Crest (acronym) said once after I hung up making a bloke laugh and them in the car I put light in peoples lives WOW and a Nurse boss once said you like making people happy..things like that WOW..didn't know but yes I do lifes hard enough and easier if we're smiling

So glad you're safe was starting to worry. Pleasure getting to know you 🤗 thankyou for everything too Pammy xx

[Birdy77]

Deebs, you are an absolutely amazingly beautiful person.

Last night, you brought so much light and laughter and entertainment to everybody who had the pleasure to read your zany awesomeness.

You are pure magical goodness ... i can't quite describe how brilliant i think you are.

From just one (there are plenty, i think the fanclub is growing daily) of your biggest fans xo 🌻 birdy

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Awe I love looking after people.. care deeply for friends her on BB.. I think we best making it 7/8 months long picture, if you heal before then it's a bonus,,so the more longer your a good girl.👧. the faster you might heal.❤️..

Hmmm, must be laying on a pressure point or nerve in bed for that pain to keep coming..Maybe ummm let me think a little...bbl on that..

I thought 💭 you had too many to reply to and didn't want you to feel obliged or hurt your arm/shoulder..💜.. I Wow Deebi, your so athletic 🤸🏻‍♂️.. So sorry about 🏓 On your head👳‍♀️..hope it not to bad hone.💜..🐘... I wish I had confidence maybe one day,,sighs...

My 🔮 Was right..lol success, so proud of you..

Maybe bubble bath now then a sleep.. See how I go..

Thank you Deebi, for what you say to me..you help me a lot...You really are special Deebi, you have to believe that.. sigh.. L

love it that your laughing 😆😃this morning 😌😗..How do you turn the emojis on an angle. I tried to turn mine but they don't turn around on the side..😆😄😂☺️..??? .

Love you deeply lovely special friend forever.xx🦄🐘❤️🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐬🐬😗🔮💭🏓

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼

[Ggrand]

Awe Deebi, this one not through,

both I done this morning,

Grandy

[PamelaR]

Hiya Deebi

Love the 'Pammy' so nice, just like you. Sorry to hear about your SIL also. Life is pretty s..t at times.

Thank you so much for your concern about how I was. It is lovely to know someone cares! I had an SMS similar to that. Thought I'd told everyone I'd be away till Friday. Had expected to be back Friday am, but the day got away from us. It was so beautiful up there in the mountains.

And like Birdy said - you are 'pure magic'!!

❤️🌹🌞❤️🌹🌞❤️🌹🌞

[demonblaster]

Aw Birdy what beautiful things you said thank you so much. I tell people rl and here if the world was like here we'd know peace hey probs major less MH issues too

Hope you're well and thanks for coming 😚

Pammy is it then 🤗 affection 😚👌. Thank you too darlin you guys are magic too.

The same yr my love and his sister a friend and close friends only young son 26. Pfftt

Yes you did say fri but was getting late and you broke your curfew..grounded till I change my mind 😰

So glad you enjoyed. Did the weather behave?

Thanks for dropping in lovelies really do appreciate it

Have to talkL bout this too sigh, held out well throughout neck/arm geez over this, hsd bout 3 hrs sleep sarvo down cant stop crying since got up its that breakthrough sleep it exhausts us more and plays on mood but I'll be ok soon just slacked off cause gotta have normals which I did only for few days before next one comes got lot of social coming up that'll pump me daghh, be ok just GOTTA get this rot now not later yes Grandy I gotta be patient but I guess I'm not sure how long I can keep my resolve 😭hey I'm ok just like everyone else over this crappola. Just tired need to vent.

Thing is in my favor is between episodes I'm happy so know happiness and know the ultimate happiness so there is better and it passes, this is atm more tiredness and fed up with pain even though abou 4 on scale fluctuating and not all the time depressed but crying if any sense in that. Be ok in couple days.

Thanks for your friendship support and care you guys make it easier.

Haven't seen psych last two times 💲bout $30 + she charges less than she can shes worth it clinical psych so been 3ish mths or more since seen her REALLY want to stick with her and will start working on other stuff I usually talk with them listen too but need the venting but time for deeper but not sure now if I'll be able to afford anymore but can save slowly

Expletive X 7

☺

[demonblaster]

Grandy thank you for that beautiful post love it always do.

Hun Im going over your place to catch up reading and I'll reply tomoz lovey you deserve a proper one with the effort you put in. Just crap atm darl cant stop crying but pulling up easily but better to let it out so am 😭 then 😑

🤗💖🤝

[Sapphire_]

Heya Deebee.

Thanks for the laughs last night. Needed it. Couldnt stay long. Hubby forced me to go to rugby. Really didnt want to go but whatever.

I got some more fairy dust for your arm. Hope it helps again. Its special for pains. ☄ will help you sleep.

Night ❤Sapphire

[PamelaR]

Awww, yes, did break the curfew by a couple of hours. Sorry. Dah.. Twas so nice up there!

Had rain one day that wet everything including our camping chairs. LOL. Didn't take long to dry though. Rest of the days were magic, beautiful sunshine, loads of flora and fauna to keep us amused.

Venting is good. Helps the soul and releases pent up anxiety. So go to it Deebi. Do hope the pain settles soon for you. Hate pain, it's a bugger.

Would be good to see you back at your psych. Sending you loads of love ❤️and hugs 🤗.

Hope tonight is okay.

Kind regards

PamelaR