Surviving: Being in a better place

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

 

4,867 Replies 4,867

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Thanks darlin no not at all but ok and will be. Good around people.

Pffftt my posts are better and short when I'm low 🙂

Hope you're better I"m going to have a quicky looksy now before bed xx

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Dearest friend,

Its okay, you take care of you..I could see this coming on last night, I'm here for you, you catch up on sleep if you can...

Im okay...

I will bbl tonight, if that's okay..please honey sleep now..

Time for me to look after you..is your arm still g/s pain?.

Just try to sleep and be okay...Love you deeply..💜..

will check on you tonight..

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘.. always..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼

Nite nites 🔮💜

Hey, agree with DB. Amanda no good you're down. My heart aches and I can't explain why. We don't really know one and other, than through this forum. But I feel like I'm so close to you all. It truly is warming and uplifting. OMG it's so good at one level, but when I see you down, it hurts my heart so much. I just want to reach out to all of you - Amanda, DB, Grandy, NS, Mrs Dool, Elizabeth CP, Jackson, Magic, Mia, Music, CMF, .WhiteKnight, BlondGuy, Croix, Geoff.... the list goes on and on. I'm sure to have missed someone very important - no intention to hurt. So many beautiful souls out there. You are all so AWESOME!!

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Deebi,🦄

I'm thinking you've gone down, you were up all of last night I think, sleeping daytime is okay but not the same, day time has background noise which disturbed..Im also thinking that you arm is excruciating pain. I'm sorry 😢 for all your pain Deebi, I wish I could take it all away from you..

Please be okay Deebi.. If you wake up tonight please, please just go back to sleep, try for the whole night.. 😚.

You say your no good at all but ok.. You are going to make it. You will wake up in the morning hopefully not much pain so you can go through tomorrow at least with less painful. Awe honey grab a piece of lightening from the storm and It will sap those dark clouds. One deep breath at a time,..Breath in 1-2-3-4-5.. Breathe out 1-2-3-4-5.. I read that on the exhale the pain in our body actually relaxes a bit Have a hot relaxing shower, let the water run down your hair but maybe have the water running on your arm, but not to much water pressure.. you can beat this hun, I know you can..Please be okay Deebi.

Deebi honey...are not alone. You have an army make that 2 armies looking out for you. You are loved/liked by everyone on the forums.

Just like....The sunrise, the ebb flow of waters, the earth rotating around the sun, The stars shining of a night, the winds blowing, the rain falling.. These things all pass, Deebi hun, your deep sadness will pass, your tiedness will pass. I so much hate you being in so much mental and physical pain..Please be okay..I miss you.. But I'm okay..your not, so please be kind, gentle, just look after yourself.. Just a thumbs up is okay...I never know if it you or not, if your thread like mine everyone thumbs up before I even read your post....

oh yeah Deebi, I'm so sorry you fell down and broke your butt and had to use a nappy for a bandage...umm it wasn't the cleaner, it was me....😢.

Just remember that you have a couple of getaways on you thread, just in case I don't get tonight you can go back and read them..but I'll try to get back..

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘 always xx🔮

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 👼..

startingnew
Community Member

i dont have any words but know im sitting with you and offerring soul hugs if you would like DB xoxo

and everyone here too, sending some supportive hugs out to those who need and want them xoxo

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hey SN.

I sent a post but it's been held up.. just letting you know. I'm sitting with you tonight, with some comfort food. 🍉🌽🌶🧀🥐🥜🥚🥝🍒🍇🍓🍑🍉 lol. Good healthy comfort food..

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Deebi,🦄 👀

Im just popping in to say goodnight, and let you know I love you always..I tried to getaway to fantasy but I'm really sorry,. I couldn't, my minds got your wall around it tonight..but I'm okay..

i hope your sleeping okay, geez I worry big time about you..and 👀 at you..

Okay I won't wake you up I'm going outside to watch your stars,💫🌟️ They relax me enough for meditation. I've put a soft cool cloth over your shoulder to cool the nerves and big the swelling down, and I'm gently brushing your hair.. 🙆 relaxing you to sleep, I'll be here in the morning when you awake and I'll take you outside to see the sunrise,🌞 The beginning of a new day..and the beginning of the rest of our lives...Interesting that last sentence..makes you think aye..🌈

Bacon n eggs, tomato, hot buttered toast,orange juice and coffee, A breakfast fit for a Queen... 🔱⚜️.

But first yYou must sleep deeply, so I will say good night my special friend. Love you lots around the 🌙 and back..

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🔮🐘🕊 always 💜 You special friend. Please be okay..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼🐬🐬

Talk to you tomorrow..only if your okay 🙋 Nite nite.

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hey Deebi,

I done a post early this morning not through yet..

Nitey nites.

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Grandy I love you. You're part of my heart too .. THANK YOU...our souls touch

BB.. All of you ... from my heart ...THANK YOU.. (Mods, behind scenes)
You've ALL been so good to me. PLease EVERY ONE accept my deepest gratitude

I HAVE to sort my head

Can't get it out

xx







Ggrand
Community Champion

Dearest Deebi,

Please don't let go of my hands, I'm not letting go of yours ever...Come on Deebi, Yell at [IT]. Go to your other thread and please read it through. It helps..I was in there today, Ii needed help so I read it.. please have a try..

If you want to talk anytime about anything, remember I'm always here sitting with you..xx

Deebi, love love, care for you, need you.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘👀👀🐘🐬🐬🔮🔮🌈🕊

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 👼🔮🦄