Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Love the elephant thankyou how thoughtful.

Yes honestly you do make me feel secure and safe I too love our daily and more interactions.

Re the ☎️ I'm not stressing but miffed I guess cause I'm in limbo about authenticity I spose. I considered ringing back and asking not in agro but for clarification do you think I should because I'm open and extremely grateful for help and I'm just unsure about it all because I trust my close dear friend that suggested it and doubt if they lied but not sure if I should follow through. Trust has been broken from the beginning or I don't think so but did I misread the situation. What are your thoughts I trust you too G x

I have 3 lifelines now ones threatened and thats the MH guy through funding unless but I think I'll be knocked back with NDIS. Geez its first time in life Ive got lifelines him BB and you Grandy 💗 you're a 🎁 of the best type

MH good atm thanks hun its just this wearing me down but I'm tough that way do have reserves but yeah we all know how it rolls. I can handle stress pretty well wayyy gard in BP but at least outta the downs till the next joy ride 🎡 lol roller coaster or what

Agree about what we say own up to it. Instand by what I say and don't like lying its stupid to because liars eventually get caught out and I HATE mind games its so much easier in life to be honest.

Oh on the tablet (now) doesnt hurt arm but on pc did but might be ok atm cause its back to normal which in chairs ok till I do something

Ok precious besty ☺🦄

Again I cant thank you enough for you what an absolute pleasure it is to be getting to know you and so glad we met lovely Grandy

Btw your Avatar is sooo suited to you

Big love always dear friend 😚

Little pressy for later 🎁 remind me to tell you what it is tomoz lol ...can't remember 😉

[Sapphire_]

Deebi.

Im sorry and sad to see your in so much pain. Really concerned for you. Wish there was something i could do to make it all better. Hate seeing you in pain. I have you in my thoughts alot.

Deebi and Grandy. I love reading your posts to each other. Its so cute and caring. Its great you have eachother to bounce off of. Amazing to read. Good friendship.

Hope you have a better nights sleep. ❤❤Sapphire❤❤

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi🦄,

I hope when you wake you do with some light and a little better then yesterday..

Its a beautiful day today, sun shining, cool breeze blowing,

Please just take it easy today, I so hope with all my heart and soul that your arm stops hurting you, talk all you want releases pain, and even though I don't help much with pain I am always here for you 🍯..

Please Deebi don't feel insure with me, even though I will say I feel the same, I never had a sweet friend like you ever, most good things in my life, fade of or go away..

Have a really relaxing shower 🚿 this morning and let the 💦 water cascade down your hair, water on the head, yeah so relaxing..treat yourself today to something you like to do..

I get migraines and oh wow are they painful especially when those emotional tears fall..I use cold towel around neck head etc, help a little with sharpness.

Please try and enjoy today I'm watching 👀 You today, so please be a good girl and look after you, your special Deebi, here at BB, so many like/love the beautiful, kind, lovely, compassionate,gentle person you are.

❤️❤️❤️🦄🤗🤗🤗. Always, believe.

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👶. xoxoxo. 😌

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Thank you for the super soul hugs. Some coming your way ❤️

Yeah, skimming/speed reading/call it what you will can be handy. Though it sometimes gets me in trouble if I’ve missed something important. Lol.

I didn’t really interact with Starwolf much. I’ve read some of her posts on your thread and other ones. She was someone who walked really did her own “thing” in life. I admire her courage.

All this pain of yours must be really horrible to deal with day in, day out. It’s beautiful how you still reach out to reply, update and support others on the forums. You’re a gorgeous souls 🙂

Love and soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. Sorry, I did see your comments to me on Butterfly Wing’s thread and they made me smile ❤️ Sometimes I forget to acknowledge them but I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it. A lot xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful loyal Peps I'd love to support you more but you don't (not critism lovey) post often on your thread but I do follow and listen. I think about you and wonder how you're going with your different therapies I'm learning a lot from you thankyou darling Pepstar 😚😊

Yes Starwolf shines I admire how she pulled herself out of an abhorrent life, her intelligence and how she expressed herself amongst many other reasons she's amongst many a light in my life and for many others too.I wish I could see all her posts, have seen some reading other threads

Hope you're settling in which I think you would be from what I know of you to new job. You'd be an asset to anywhere you are.

You always I've noticed address points on posts which I repeatedly fail sometimes I use the quote function after reply but its a lot of fluffing around on tablet. The other way Im trying to habit more than memory is to keep going back but a lot of fluffing too but I need to improve do you have any suggestions? On pc I sometimes write separately on an office thing.

Have you been doing your art?

How are you

All good hun I know you read ditto I forget too but always grateful seeing you wave or hi as well xx

I can see that could hapoen with skimming I'm a slow reader yet surprisingly when I tried that did take it in.

You're very welcome re souls so here's another but I do apologise you know inflation and all energy costs I will have to charge for the spares 😅

🤗🤗🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi

I would ring and just clarify. That way you won' be asking yourself what if...Im at vinnies. Darn I'm out front of shop today. I hate being in charge its not who I am..im a follower..No leader.

💜💜💜🤗🤗🤗

Grandy

[demonblaster]

Hi sweets how are you today? Your lovely welcoming enriched post and mine to you was whooptee doo 😕

Thanks yes on pc used office for some posts but on tablet i haven't should do and copy I think safer and paste. Thanks for reminder about talk feature not much pain on tablet but pc yes.

Quoted your post so I don't miss things. Again a post hasnt come through I've asked your advice on that ☎️ might have lost the no: I'll check my 'email., would confirm put mind at rest so if it doesnt land arghhh but was a double post so my fault but answered a few things too so hope., it follows through. can't be bothered changing italics lazy or what! ☺

Woke with lot of pain but in seat its mild now didnt need meds was hairy for last 3 days had few. THANKS again grandy and Peps 😊

Not going to fade away hun, as you so well said you are a piece of my heart too 🤗 what a beautiful thing to say Grandy thank you for being so uplifting. Btw sorry saying I felt my time here in lifes running out it was how I felt usually dont have that but was just saying how it was

Exactly what you said is how I woke seeing a beautiful sunny day birdies twerping I feel mentally good thanks hun back to me happy and btw phew it was just a baby mania ? due to pain and meds tiredness well hope only mini cause was getting a bit social this morning consistent with mania but slept well so hopefully all good. Time will tell am feeling a bit productivevalso indicative of mania, can't believe I'm saying hope not but too soon after just coming good. You said your mania u recover in few days? How high do you go & how long do they average?

Nice you remembered the shower and water running down head oh your next fantasy meditation trip could you please incorporate being in water its my true complete utter peace I might even pluck up to dunk today my good friend who starting to see more often love her biggly hasnt got back to me for it today hoping shes ok so that'll be something different. Will have walk and dunk later sleep first soon

Yes ive repeated with your name about cool towel but forget to try.Theres good sleepy pills for them usually work & ? U put on tongue they seem to work too & not sleepy ones. Script for both now.

Thanks saying re like/love here same back. Beautiful good people.

and still spare characters woo hoo 😄

💗 u 🦄 💏 🌲 🌟

[demonblaster]

Oh good thanks darl it came through

Good tho I know its awful for you I feel it'll ease you into people contact which will benefit you.

Thanks for making the time you truly are an 👼

Hope you have a really good day hun xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I was ultra rapid cycling for around six weeks,I was having hypos then mania a few hours then for no reason crying my eyes out, then back to hypo then mania, constant daily no sleep, dr won't give me sleepers...for around 4 weeks, and landed very deep low awful, scared, around 1 week, then came here to deep but not very deep depression. But can go deeper very quickly.. I don't know my cycles properly Deebi..but am trying to..While in ultra rapid cycling, so totally exhausting, it's a terrible state to be in because the changes happen suddenly..

I have another appointment with psychiatrist from Sydney late next month, for another assessment of my brain, meds etc.. Where I am now Deebi, is not good, easy for downers but coping mostly, crying heaps, but coping..

Im pleased you woke up to sunshine and singing birds 🐦, beautiful universe 🎶 music, that's magic...

Deebi, when you said you thought your time was limited, I was devastated, I went to the pits immediately on reading that, 😭 so hard I thought my heart would break..I couldn't imagine me without you. But no need to be sorry honey, you were in to much physical and mental pain and needed release.❤️👩‍❤️‍👩.

For sure next trip will be water...Water also relaxes me..When is your birthday 🙆 ..Please, pretty please..but only if you want to...

rest now Deebi, no doubt I will be back later, if that's okay..

❤️❤️❤️👩‍❤️‍👩🤗🤗🤗 always..big ❤️ and deep.

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy👶..

[startingnew]

hey SL

hope todays been abetter day for you xoxo