Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Oh thats good darlz x

No wasn't that hun just didnt want you feeling obliged so good your ok and enjoy your company too Mam 😊

I'd like to learn to do that though majority of time I keep up. I think its a good skill. Kinda like speed reading I guess where you take out the little words I tried it yrs ago on something maybe a book and could see how it worked and good time management skill

Enjoy your day huns.

Oh and yeah fun mucking around with Grandy and supporting each other too, chats its a nice balance.

Yeah darl Starwolf she's one of those people that have such an impact on many even Grandy who didnt know her shes helped. You didn't know her either Peps if I remember right darl.

From heart I sincerely thank you for your friendship and ongoing support 🤗 supers back atcha girl 💖

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi

So sorry about your painful arm 😢. Geez think they could give you something that works properly.

Please sleep now. You were up all night..ill sit here with you today..

I'l be 👀 at you.. 👐 holding your hands..just be here for you..

Love you Deebi.. always.

💜💜💜🤗🤗🤗

💑Grandy🤗

[startingnew]

Sitting with you too DB 💕 hoping your getting some rest

Sitting with you too GG, hoping some loveley birds are around to watch ❤

[demonblaster]

Hey darlz good to see you

How are you today I replied yesterday to you at yours thats unusual but 2nd post one was here that didnt turn up recently and no email so may have got lost in space. That was a fave show, I'm ok with violent movies dont like in rl though but Robots scare me but like watching them in shows. Its cause they can turn bad and so powerful. And when it'd wave its arms

Thanks Grandy god it was really bad needed back to back pills. Sore but livable atm and these are ones if anything that'll work and they don't fully or much often other times they do.

Got I think couple hrs wow could hardly keep 👀 open but thats enough for now. Hard to cope when its that intense. Rough Grandy.

Don't rush mean it just when you're up to it but I know I just asked but are you ok lovey?I

Promise please you won't hold back aye. I know this is a very hard month. I could be wrong. Your next psych in couple wks? ish

Got my appointment with MH support worker this is every fn and every other one is the group bbq which everyone enjoys. Damn it duebto funding we might not have as many one on ones. Hes a lifeline as BB is too. Ok gotta choof

C u L8r (what does that mean? Your quiz for today you like mind ones you said once.

💖 and appreciate you Grandy so much xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄

truely honey, 😢I'm really sorry about your pain..

Maybe a trip to the doctor? So much hate you hurting.

Sorry about the funding,😥 I know you really enjoy tt. Things just seem to get worse all the time..What about local business in area for funding?

Please Deebi, don't worry about me. I'll manage/cope.. You are so important, please look after yourself and if typing hurts your arm, take a break if you can..

On my iPad, I have a microphone symbol, I can talk instead of typing..I haven't used it but maybe you have one and you could try to use it..

Love you Deebi, please be okay.😢. I'm concerned/worried about you..

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👶

[demonblaster]

You said the other day sorry for rambling on or similar Grandy this is true I love when its a long post from you geez sounding demanding not meant that way though, I'm so grateful to you THANKYOU for your friendship and yeah I think/hope you do mean that you love me but even if not I definately do you. I know I said that before recently too

I think safe to say one of the biggies with trust is honesty, I rarely have through rejection on the rare times I reached out as a teen in the trying to leave yrs and very rare too as an adult have mostly been met with similar rejection tho not as harshly. Not here though and recently on recommendation from friend I love very much I ☎️ and was wary with good reason from past experience and other reasons too and asked a direct question and nearly sure was lied to, I dont get why people can't just be honest, its too hard to trust that person I rang now and am at a quandry as to why what was the point.

Oh Grandy had to drop 2 more heavies the arm was better after my 2hr sleep saw my MH guy always easy time with him hes my other lifeline and great at his job, so much time and respect for him, woesa cant talk much longer badly have to sleep these things off and it flared up to not agony but as I said to him this is nowhere near better yet I'm wearing down its lately more constant the only reprieve not always is this seat and whats really scaring me is these biggy meds often dont do the job. Ive still got reserves of strength stressed with pain but ok holding stress at bay uf ya get that.

Im not talking outing but honestly don't know how much longer I can take this. Im pretty good handling stress (lot of practice in various areas of life) and mentally this morning was hard but just holding head above water, a bit downed at times and friggen headache trying its hardest to migraine but that can go by itself but pulls ya too.

Sorry babe I need to realease and this is just getting too much. Its affecting my life socially also with sp needs walking

Dr app friday

Darlin Ive gotta go back to sleep

Thank you so much for your friendship supportband being Grandy

Very serious here G, if Im down or struggling I dont want you to hold back Im always here for you and other beautifuls just might be limited words clearly not atm ☺

Night darl see you later on xx

Cant proof read eyes too loose so hope you can read cryptic lol usual for me

[Ggrand]

Deebi 🦄, hun, just a real quick post for now.

Please believe me, I do love you..You mean the world to me..Without you I have no one to love or care for.xx,x

Sleep now, ill bbl. I won't let go of you ever..

Sleep well my special friend, will talk and reply more on your post further later..❤️❤️.

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👶..

[Ggrand]

Hey Deebi,

On trust and dishonesty, My views.. I have an extremely hard time to trust anyone, I dislike, people who lie. I have always believed that you are responsible for your own actions and voice, so if you say or do the wrong thing own up to it..as to spread lies now that's the worse kind of person, they can cause so much unrepairable damage to someone..

Im really really worried about you Deebi, more then you realise, Please don't sink honey, I'm here for you if you do, but I'm not there with you, that hurts so much...Awe honey please try not to stress about anything it will bring you down. Forget about me, I mean that really..I'll be okay..I just need you to be well with no pain, but please always be honest with me about your pain, please do this for me..

I have complete trust in you and your words, I listen, I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it to you but I do..

You sound so frazzled out, I hope you get some sleep now you so need it, I'm pleased you get on well with your mh guy, does can he give some ideas on how to help with your arm.

.On my other thread post still not through I was thinking may use no pillow for your head, just lay flat, that way maybe neck not strained, or on an angle.. So much I wish I could help more and have more answers for you...

You need to try to relax, Why notvtry some guided meditation for pain or stress, they do help it might help you honey. Worth a try I always say.. If my post not through tonight I will re do another one for you.

Please look after yourself Deebi, I need you so much, I trust you, believe you..I sound greedy, I look forward to you and I talking together daily you make me feel like someone really does care for me, and your the first one ever who has done that for me, and your the first one, ( other then my sons). That when I say I love you I mean it..

please be okay ❤️.

❤️❤️❤️🦄👶🤗🤗🤗.

Im always here for you, my special friend xx

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👶

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄.

I hope you are doing 😌,

I'm calling in to stay with you again tonight, i brought some goodies to take on on our trip. It's a secret place for besties only...

Lets take this track, it's got overhanging vines and grass that feel like carpet, so shoes 👠 off and mind open..We start walking along the track and ever so softly we cannhere some beautiful chimes playing gentle music and the breeze sways them, so peaceful the 🎶 music, so relaxing, further along we hear the soft tingle of crystal bells, mixed with the chimes the sound bring a serene presence around us.. a bit further is a pond, this pond has water lilies floating on top, go on Deebi, walk in and pick one up..as you do the sinking feeling leaves you, your beginning to float your body is laying on top of the water, floating gently with the movement of the water, listeningbto the serene music 🎶 of the bells and chimes, your stress leaves your thoughts/body, oh how relaxed your feeling Deebi, peaceful tranquility has enveloped you, opening your eyes you look 👀 towards the heavens, amazing stars millions of them are twinkling so clear so bright, two stars float down and enter your eyes, putting the sparkle in there for you, your eyes are resting now, your body floating gently and your thoughts are on the serene music, you feel so much peace, you feel weightless...free of all pain, just floating their with your eyes closed, slowly drifting off into a deep deep relaxing peaceful sleep, My angel wings are wrapped around you, protecting you, my hands gently slip into your hands holding on to you, and I'm also 👀 watching you, keeping an eye on you so you don't sink, I'll keep you safe Deebi, 🦄 the best I can...❤️..

Love you deeply my extra special friend..👭. Stay with me honey...I'm staying with you.

❤️❤️❤️🦄🤗🤗🤗. Forever..

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👶...

Oh a very special gift for a very special friend..🐘 An elephant, they say an elephant never forgets, so here is an elephant to help you to never forget how much I love you Deebi, xx

sleep well xx

[demonblaster]

Ohh Grandy darling 🤗 you really do make me feel so good about myself and yes as I said do think you mean it I talk about here often about how beautiful they are and have some lovely friends and talk about Grandy how we love eachother and that I do think you mean it but you know that little sod voice sitting in the back there. I'll do 2 posts which I knows a no but I want to adress your points which often sorry I think later oh meant to say that. I too listen to everything too. Sorry I started reading your other thread and want to it's doing is my problem apart from in mania then 😨 zooom.

Thank you for your love it means so much and I feel same hey that was gorgeous the besties lol how beeping insecure I am ☺ and really do have lot of like/love but see people sporadically which is ok but LOVE seeing you daily too. If you saw my face and body reactions to our walk geez you're REALLY good at those stories, love them I was like a kid smile ear to ear and got all excited its awesome you and Wolfy are v.good at it. Thanks so much. Love creepers in nature and trees that hang like our Weetbix Willow 🌲 and some gums have falling leaves gorgeous.

I really appreciate you saying ok to talk about my pain I know it can be a drain its just so damned consuming but good is 2nd sleep helped. Neck gets in different positions causing or relieving it. From yrs of heavy geriatric to start predominantly before I trained as an EN enrolled nurse 1 yr training then and my vocation was terminal nursing but had to get out of Sydney was in a rut the entire back and necks a mess mostly backs ok unless it goes out then pains on another level same bulging discs.

So atm not too bad but its as soon as I do something Im a bit concerned that this time its not going to come good but time will tell. had several heavies for pain last 3 days bugger it but you can resist so long

When migraine family heads come on if I lay no pillow like you wisely thanks suggested it often relieves it but with this flare up it exacerbates it biggly

Must download those apps you like but also am happy to make my own up and using my nut thats productive its remembering to practice.

Yes I worry about you out of love it doesnt pull me down as such just hate you hurting so much please don't hold back though just as long as u dont mind if my answers arent on point at times (pfftt often) but still listening & there