Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Mandy- im sure i seen somewhere a few days ago you were having medication troubles and think it was DB (or GG..) that meantioned a few of my own symptoms. im sorry i couldnt find where it was that i seen it however im more than happy to have a chat if you would like just let me know which thread 🙂

[Ggrand]

Good Night/ Good Morning Deebi 🦄

Im just come over your again tonight, 😭. Feeling really sad now..I need someone to stay with me tonight. I will keep my mouth 🤐 from now on, that way I can't hurt anyone anymore. I'm sorry Deebi,🤦‍♀️🤷🏼‍♂️ I didn't mean to upset her.😢.She's nice, I hurt so deep inside my heart when I hurt anyone. .

The fence, I asked our lovely Geoff on BB, his advise is tops, but like everything else I try to do, I ..couldnt fix it..I'll try again tomorrow.

🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄

I bought some drinks 🍸 and ice cream 🍦, comfort food oh and chocolate 🍫 🍫, if that's okay..

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Yes our 🌲 is growing , oh and I seen a 🐨🐰🦊🐛🐝🦅🐸🐮🐷. All sitting in the tree having a good old fashioned tea ☕️ party, with 🎂 of course..also these 🙈🙉🙊..

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Ive taken my broach off tonight and left it on the bedside table, next to my alarm clock⏰.. Got to get up and make you/us 🍳 🛀🥓🧀. Breakfast tomorrow morning.💐.

🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛 ..Sleep deeply tonight honey with sweet dreams of 🌈🌧🌩❄️☃️🌟⭐️💫✨⚡️. I'll be 👀 after you tonight and holding your hand tightly, and listening 👂 👂 to you..

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

Do you mind if I lay down now, I'm tired honey,, Not 😴 sleepy, just tired, like 🙇‍♀️..I'm sorry I'm not much company tonight..

Love you deeply,❤️..Care even deeper,🤗🤗.👶👶.

❤️❤️❤️🦄🤗🤗🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy 👶.

[demonblaster]

Hi sweethearts, I"m only quick arms killing and I'm wrecked got stuff on tomoz

Starts that was me darl and Mandys thread is "Am I opening Pandoras box" 🙂

Grandy smiles as always, yes please do stay sweety I"m rubbing your back gently while you're laying on your side and completely relaxing, nearly got you into a beautiful restful sleep. You'll wake up lovely and refreshed and cool thanks for breaky sweet xx

No hun neither of yous intentionally hurt eachother it was circumstances that hurt you both but neither of you hurt the other. True. I'ts beasty let it flow darl

Ohh gotta Zzzz nigh night I'm in so much stuffin pain and ragged atm but I"ll be ok.

BBl

[demonblaster]

Heyaz 🙂 DAMN the pain it's bloody flogging no choice out of bed at 2am. 8 outta 10 on pain scale and was increasing. Meds hadnt kicked in when I got up

This chairs a god send you cant kill it not insanely comfy but pretty good. I think theres no neck pressure and can rest the arm a couple of places. Would've been hospital otherwise

It doesnt like laying in bed any side or on back dunno bout tum too uncomfy

Grandy thanks again for Doc suggest and thought few times what you said bout kinda sling through other sleeve, I think I need support for it or doc said before a neck brace.

Pam I think you suggested acupuncture if I had $ I'd check with doc suss and try I think. thanks.

Cant be helped but have to break plans again and its something I really like doing. Good for all parties. Its cutting parts of my life ok if not for much longer hope but feels like it will be and missed nearly 5 wks tt so far and some Sp needs tt too thats a shame

Probs waz a mini mania did same in other bouts of this

Not depressed but over it biggly

3.30 am i'll try bed if not have to be chair

Cyaz

[demonblaster]

Nah pretty much allniter think I dozed but pain kept waking or stopping me.

Cant say feeling to stuffin chirpy now but not people angry

Thanks for listening need to let this out

[Guest8901]

Oh you poor thing, so sorry pain is worse. No advice I an give you, but so wish there was. Sending soothing music and a gentle hug, 🎶 🎸 🎵

[demonblaster]

Thanks darling its a mongrel. The musics lovely xx

I'll get over to you sometime today will have to zzz a lot but app: early arvo for hr or more

Hope psych goes well sweet and that you're holding up

🎁 your turn for a special gift, can't open till later when I see you then I can tell you what it is.. here I even used a bow 🎀 but it fell off

Eyes are falling out 👀 see ya later thanks again hun xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

You and your friends here have such wonderful conversations. You share laughter and tears here. It’s moving...

Your arm pain must be really getting to you. I would think the pain probably also affects your mental health/General mood.

I know Starwolf is never far from your mind or heart. You must miss her so much...she meant (means) so much to you. Your loyalty to her runs deep...

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hello lovely Pepstar 😀

Hope your w/e was good and relaxing my friend always nice seeing you.

It really is wearing me down Peps and was just starting to find my happy beans even tho it was a baby mania then was wrecked last night before bed pills catching up

Apart from avoiding getting hooked don't like taking pain meds cause they knock ya silly as does the pain and all niter pretty much. Daghhh long 2ish mths. Just had another med. Bed v.soon till appointment sarvo. Yes MH going bit South but more tiredness and ouchy the probs.

Sweety been wanting to talk to you, you do know I value your friendship support and you being such a lovely soul. You're so loyal which is beautiful. I just want you not to feel obliged to come daily darlin, only if you want to Peps ok not that and I mean this I don't love seeing you.

God my eyes are falling out. Quicky to Grandy then definately pass out for urgent zzz's

Thanks always Peps you've always stood by me in everything and about Starwolf yes think so often about her. Really do miss her so much. We're all same about people we care about and love but when they leave our lives esp not knowing100% if they're ok its harder again. The poor darling I knew from the things she said it was serious just hope shes ok or better.

Have a good day huns 🤗

Thanks Peps xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful DB and all,

I think a morning nap definitely sounds like a good idea. I hope your appointment goes well this afternoon 🙂

You’re a very caring and thoughtful person to think about my wellbeing. Thank you ❤️

I want to reassure you that I don’t feel “obligated” to reply. I enjoy your company and friendship Also, I’m not actually here on your thread everyday (weekends remember? lol).

I wonder if this is about an earlier comment of mine about skimming through posts...I do this everywhere with any sort of reading material (both online and offline alike).

In the offline realm, I often skim through texts from friends, skim through emails and documents at work, etc, etc...I tend to do a lot of skimming.

That’s just “me” and not a reflection on you (or anyone else). It’s a reading habit that I’ve developed over the years...I hope this reassures you a little.

I’m hoping for the best do Starwolf. She was a truly beautiful soul...

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo