Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you very much for letting us know how you are feeling..,

Your post saddened me as I read it.

You are none of what you are thinking, the beast is making you feel this way,

You are so worthwhile, useful, kind, gentle,

Sorry honey I want to talk, I really do , but I lost a friend early this morning and feeling sad... will bbl..

Love and Care,

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Thankyou for you support and time Grandy darling and you've got more hard times on you. xx

I'm very sorry for your loss ((( L&C )))
Anytime you need to talk I'm listening and will reply hun. Is this your nice friend that you use to have coffee with fairly often?

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

No, This is my friend from the town next to mine, her husband passed away only around 6 moths ago. I only saw this friend a few days ago, she was ok, she called in to mine on her way home from shopping. Her granddaughter and family has been staying with her for a holiday, She went to sleep and never woke up.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I am okay,

Please just concerntrate on getting yourself better. There granddaughter and family are trying to organising to take her back to her home town where her hubby is now at rest.

Love and Care,

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

You sound like you are in so much pain, Deebi it sounds like if I'm reading correctly that you have slackened off on your strengthening exercises, I know I do as well at times, but and it's a huge but, you need to keep these up we don't want any muscle loss or paralysis,

You were so brave going swimming, that is so physically demanding on anyone, I bet the water was so relaxing and felt good. I haven't been to the beach in so long, I used to enjoy it when I was younger, but now triggers me to be on the beach, thanks to hubby.

Geez, I know how you like your walks, I'm sorry you hurt so much doing your walks, just maybe take a few steps at a time then rest, don't walk to far, Also you said your hurting while your typing, Awe Deebi,, sighs,,,you need to put yourself first, self care, look after yourself, rest your neck, shoulders etc, if typing hurts just do it when you really need/want to, if you start hurting stop.. Please I can't stress enough to look after yourself, goes for everyone here, look after yourselves.

Not sure for neck shoulder pain, maybe the wet cool towel, to bring swelling down from muscles, usually lessons the pain a fair bit, but every person is different, may not work for you, but maybe worth a try.

ok enough out of me, I hope you enjoy your sleep, and wake up fresh and peaceful,

Love And Care, ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

Grandy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB and all,

Super sized, epic and overly affectionate soul hug coming right up.

You seem so disheartened and down. Beasty seems to really be getting to you. As others have said, a lot of the self doubt is probably just your inner demons wreaking havoc. You’re a really beautiful person.

The bulging discs sound worrying and the associated pain must be excrutiating. I shudder purely at the thought of it. It must all be pretty scary for you.

Hopefully you get some more sleep. With you all the way.

Much love,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GG,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing people we care about is always very difficult...

Much love,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I posted earlier but hasn't come through yet, having a bit of trouble with the internet today, I hope it will come through later,

Basically what I said was to take care of yourself,

The beast is making you believe your self doubts. You are so good for everyone here DB. I know you said no compliments.....Oopsy....Truth not compliments, You are so useful, so worthy, so kind, Don't listen to the Beast.

Please look after yourself, Don't rush back, look after and Care for your pain. Your first DB, you heal yourself, you are important.

Love and Care deeply Deebi. ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

My earlier Post still not through yet, I thought I would check to see.🤔🤔🙄

I'll check later,

. Sending my ❤️❤️❤️&🤗🤗🤗.

Not sure if you feel like chockie, but chockie fixes everything well mostly. 🍫🍫. One for tonight and one for tomorrow.

Love and Care always.

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im popping in to just give you my L&C. and also giving you some of my belief, and hope to give you a little more strength to down the beast,

Im ok with Shirley, (my friend). I won't go down, it was kind of a long distance friendship, I didn't see or hear from her much, it was more knowing that she was there..

I've got to go to work soon, it's still hard to get myself out the door, I wish it would get easier, GP and Pysch visit next Tuesday, so not looking forward to that one. I really only got myself up from the last visit.... I really hope I get to go outback today...

I hope your okay, I keep telling myself, you will be. I know your strong, I know your got fire, and I know you have purpose, reason.... know that my hands are holding yours and my arms are around you..always...

Take your time, honey maybe sit in a nice place and look at your trees, listen to you birds, take in your surroundings. Try and get some peace flowing through your body.

I hope your neck, shoulder pain is subsiding or your getting the help you need there..

I have to go to work now, I feel so inadequate today, but I'll get through today, No need to reply, just letting you know that I'm thinking of you..

Love ❤️❤️❤️ & Care 🤗🤗🤗. Always Deebi.

Grandy,