Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Sapphire_]

Hi Deebi.

I have not been on the forums for a few days. Just checked in to see how you are. Not so good it seems.

Bulging disks sounds aweful. I hope you are keeping up with your exercises for you neck pain.

Your depression is making you think those horrible thoughts about yourself and destroying your self worth. All us here know you to be kind, gentle, warm and caring.

Sending you love and gentle hugs.

❤ Sapphire

GG- Im sorry for you loss of your friend. Deepest condolences ❤🌼

[startingnew]

sending some kinds thoughts and squishy hugs your way DB xoxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Waves to everyone else. 👋.

Sapphire,thank you for your condolences.

Deebi, Thank you for popping in to my thread earlier, so much thanks for letting me know your kind of ok..

Awe Deebi honey...So much pain, im so sorry, I wish I could take it away from you..🙄🤗❤️.

Dont feel you need to reply to any posts, if your arm/shoulder hurts while your typing, means your doing damage, same honey when you walking, just my thoughts.

Hanging on to both your hands and my arms are wrapping you up.

(L&C). ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Your support and care means the world thankyou all 🤗

This depressions typical coming down it doesnt ease off usually till ive caught up on sleep sometimes it follows through longer.Still better than the deeper ones

Yes I do want to talk Grandy tears are pouring out and for making me feel safe and cared for (lol I feel pathetic but your deep warm compassion your words your love it reaches & the honeys 😊🤗😗 thankyou)

I have reciprocated love with people see them here and there but you cant put this on them. Its too heavy they'd be depressed if I put half across.Here youse get it. I can't ..yet suggest others do. Dunno so messed up atm yeah mentally screwed up ☺ it appens

So unhappy atm what IS THIS BS SELF DESTRUCT in us. One day beasty one day. Im getting there.

Not like this every second its just too easy to slide with it this time round I havent really fought it much or self talked but had LOT of people distraction & here talking reading. Distractions vital but we need to do it mentally at some point too. I find I tend to zero in as it does when im depressed good times don't think as much on it but do.

Last night dunno if mini mania or not was feeling pretty good and thinking galore had been working on thinking deep you cant do this without thought. Mind wanders so all good

If its constructive thought all the better keeping focus away from pain & building strength

Cant explain this properly. Said b4 when im hurting I think ..whats hurting?..when you try to look deeper into what it is it vanishes might be something in it but not sure I can explain it more though. Might be diversional thinking too

Not so sad now not grouss but better than just then bawling

I cant tell you enough how much you're all appreciated

Not there much for yous atm its lighter but still deep heavies

Have few notes for replies. Learning lot from here & Pepstar oh thanks for that whopper awesome soul hug felt that too hun. I'll plug slowly through thx Peps like you said you do.

Listening/interested in ET and other ones yous discussing also on chookys (Sez thread level 1 eh 😲😨☺ sounds like its worth the grief. Been reading but word blank at times so thumbs up

Took pain relief last night did some gentle stretching hurts in bed (neck nerve pain) every angle but think helped a bit today. Was awake hrs last night thinking but ok possibly tiny mania didnt want sleeper

In a nutshell this is ... yeah but choices. Stay or move forward

X

[Guest8901]

Always a pleasure to see you around Deebs. Sorry you're going through so much right now. Please take as much time off as you need, and STOP worrying about the rest of us! We can't look after you, so YOU must. All the rest of us can do is to offer emotional support as best we can. And you certainly have loads of lovely friends here who care so much for and about you. Keep moving forward Deebs, its so much better than staying in a place which isn't good. It's what I'm in the process of trying to do myself now, and I'm sure it's the right way to go. Hoping things turn around for the better soon for you. Hang in there until it does, and seek whatever professional support you feel you need. We cannot always do this on our own, no matter how strong we are.

Keep moving forward. Onwards and upwards. Sending some of those soul hugs that Pepper is so good at.

Amanda

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, and everyone else.

I haven't told you yet Deebi, but you make me feel so safe and loved, you were the first person to make/tell me feel that way ever.. I have a lot of respect/care for you Deebi,

Im sorry your tears are pouring out, but pleased you talked a little, because it helps to release as you have said many time to us here. Sadness is the pits, I had being sad, but it's seems to be my leading emotion.. I'm sorry you feel sad honey, I hope you feel better soon.

Its hard to just mentally distract ourselves, , but I love the concept of If hurting, think deeply to find where hurt is coming from then it vanishes. I would so like to be able to do this...

Deebi, your question is so easy to answer, Stay or Move forward.? Your answer would be the same as you told me a few months back.. move forward.. .you said .."Easier to slide with [IT] this time" ....Yeah but Harder to stay down!! They are your words you answered to me a few months back when I was really down.. Come on honey, self talking time now, get your Demonblaster costume on and show Beasty who's the boss..

Good girl for doing your gentle stretches excercise, maybe will help you with pain. I hope so it helps...

Ive still got hold of your hands, with my arms around you, I'm gently pulling you up now DB.. take your time, no one here is going anywhere,m Healing takes time. Be gentle with your movements, relax under a shower, then a nice deep sleep..

Love❤️❤️❤️& Care🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy..

[startingnew]

DB xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey ☺ You're another beautiful person I feel very grateful and lucky to have met. Thankyou from deep for your care concern and constant support, you too have such a load to carry. Credit to you what a lovely giving person you are. Thankyou seems like an over used hollow word I assure you it's meant from the heart. All of you.

Doubt I'd still be here (forums) if it wasnt for you good kind supportive people.You all mean so much I cant emphasise how much you all mean. It'd be very lonely here without you all. Pleasure to have met you Things are meant and when im back on my feet will be there for yous again too. For now listening mainly ☺😙

Starwolf was my rock and only continual support and friend for a long time here and dear Sez at times too. I so hope you're in recovery Rock (SW xx) haven't stopped thinking loving and missing you 🤗🤗🤗 True Champion. Life aye we dont know what it has in store, things can change in the blink of an eye. Hope you're still able to hear stuff here Star xx I'll never forget you. God I miss and always appreciate you.How some people like you all too come into our lives and continue to have such an impact. I'm very lucky here and in rl (real life) Hard head to deal with but very lucky too. Eternal gratitude, you dont forget goods ☺ ever! Keeps me going mostly.

Woah that went deep.

Mandy as with my other darlings here I am/do listen to you. Sincere thankyou darls honestly 😗 Tablet naughty cant new sentence so this way. Smiled with understanding loved you said you dont always understand me.. lol.. either do I 😅 I can be clearer if I proof over and over, its my bloody head gets so scrambled like fragmented. Drives me nutso and love that you want to. Oh baby me too 😄

Thanks for no pressure I've learnt now here not too but hard sometimes too not try & lure people back esp when you know they were getting comfort and help here but can see why bb say not too pressure. Cant speak highly enough about here.

Did get to read a bit furthur back in your thread before and have been more regularly keeping check on you xx

Thankyou for being the lovely person you are. Pleasure knowing you and honoured to call you a friend 🤗

Wishing you peace and happiness you so deserve dear girl. You'e a beautiful good soul xx

Thankyou darlin

[demonblaster]

PepStar ..HA.. just worked out a way around something on this device. Like it when the narna works. Soz as usual probs not making much sense lol but if I explain it'll be whooptee 😆 so sparing yaz a snooze haha

You know by now I hope how deeply I always have and do appreciate your love and solid loyal support care and friendship you too have never wavered. You too help me SO much. I honestly hold you as well close to my heart. Major thanks always. Sometimes I feel I dont seem sincere in thanks but please know I am eternally grateful to you. You're also a very beautiful king loving soul. Said before and mean I'm so glad we met 😚🤗😊

Hope the ET's working well for you although I hear you that it's confronting. You're strong, you'll get through to the other side I'm sure of it and you have many people here and rl too that care deeply about you. Here always for you too 😚🤗

Thankyou PepSTAR ☺

SAPPHIRE 🤗 another great support and help thankyou too dear friend. I see you've been struggling which must be disappointing but hun unfortunately beasty doesnt relinquish 'IT's grip easily but as long as we never give up we'll win our battle from darkness to light.

You've Im so glad to see had a taste of light recently. You're a survivor. You'll see it again darl. We believe in you and hope you can again too.

Hey thanks for reminder re neck exercises I keep forgetting oops, a wonder though, the pain should remind me. Starting to work out what causes it, If I relax the arm...yeeeeeooohw feels like people got either end and pulled it till it ripped apart. God it hurts. Walking I need to do and every step hurts even with pain relief.

Not as intense pain as first and 2nd bouts of this geez nearly went off my head it was extreme cant believe neighbours didn't hear my agony groans. Unbelievable. Nows rough in patches am needing pain relief now which I try to hold off on but not many daily so good. Scared getting hooked. Not sure if it woke me at 4am this morning still up its 5.30am will have breaky pills (keep forgetting and yeah sitting in front of me) Reduced with doc for most so doesnt affect luckily. Some stay in system a while anyway so its ok no adverse effects that Im aware of.Not ideal though then jump back bed still in recovery from BP then be "normal" ☺for few wks thank god. Its happening too often now.

Look after yourself Sapphire and thankyou again 🤗x

[demonblaster]

STARTS you're another solid loyal angel aren't you my SLD. When you're doing it hard as you are too bloody often poor darling that grit and steel in you just keeps you going on doesn't it. You make me proud seeing your resilience and fight. You too will find peace, would be hard to believe but things dont stay the same because time doesnt stop, new things happen in our lives. You too are a survivor hun. I'll be back near future hoping. Always friendship and deep care sweetheart. 🤗🤗😙Thankyou too for endless being there xxx youre a real sweet

GRANDY