Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

It seems like you’ve been having some offline struggles. Hopefully things settle between you and this other person...

Your latest down is clearly upsetting. I hope crying was a good release for your emotions...

I’m glad you’re getting more sleep.

Super souls hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi,

Awe Deebi, I sent you a Good Night Post at around 1am, it hasn't landed as yet..I'm sorry, I watched my words etc..

I'm also 👂 and watching dear lady..

I will be back later..

Love you ,

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Peps

Not that I see ☘ often and I always look at the ground gorgeous little tinsy flower weeds so vibrant in colour and perfect as well as look around when I walk, I'll think of you when I see clovers might be in a shop an ornament or picture. The lovelies here have helped me to be more aware taking in the beauty of nature and surroundings to observe more and hold the good memories.

I say it often I know and again thank you for always being here you're so loyal and supportive I hope one day you'll see amongst many other beautiful qualities about yourself ☘

I've put myself in positions of being used way too often in my life for various reasons Peps of needs and then of course many people are just like that they use without regard or care that they are, even when I've spoken up. I'll say and do what needs to be but hope it doesn't come to needing to for their sake more than mine I can see some good too in them.

Time and life often sorts things, I'm slowly learning to wait and think and suss things out more before acting on them. Oh god there is hope 😊

Yeah its been a long while since I've had better longer sleep with the neck rot adding to lack of. Which phew is settling again.

Hope your days are good or better Pepstar 🤗

Today I hope to do some things which is mammoth for me, ones with tt which is going to take a while there's a few things which I've been neglecting too long and apart from a walk soon answer a post to Tony (WK) and play some games I haven't out of triggers though from great times with my love on consoles. Often the thoughts hurt more than the doing.

Have a good day darl 🤗🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄.

Im a little saddened that my post hasn't come through, it must have been kidnapped by the cyber space 👽 aliens..I searched last night and found what I think were your happy beans..

I will leave it a little longer for that post.

But I did want to say to you my special lady to not be p'd off with yourself..Depression makes us impatient at times, and I'm sure and hope that your friend will understand that you were out of character when you upset her.🤗.

I so know about being used Deebi, and I kinda thought you would be the kind of person that helps others without consideration of yourself..but I cannot go here Deebi, I'm understand but I hurt when I remember.

Well done with stepping out of your comfort zone..I heard with a little happies that you like console games...lol I have an outdated play station 2 console that my husband played at times and I also played a lot..Love the fantasy ones of course, I haven't played mine now for 4 years, maybe I will get it out and have a go..but like you I'm a little apprehensive about doing so..I hope I haven't said anything here to upset you, I'm still unsure of most of your triggers..My mummy dog was named after a game I enjoyed..

I hope you enjoy your day Deebi.

Love and care,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I posted again and held up..I was thinking why.. I know now..I'm so .................... , nothing bad just the wording . Having a sleep. My mind and me is making me sad a little..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy you're so beautiful I know I'm clingy to you but as much as I LOVE hearing from you & believe that, I don't want you to feel obliged or anyone for that matter to come and visit and support me. Yes 😅 though I miss you if I don't see you, (dependent personality) but only cause I love you, you're so easy to love and so good to me so that's what I'm up against daily, dunno lol whether seeing other sides is all it's cracked up to be 😂 but please hun for your sake don't come in if you don't feel up to it I know you care. We've got a really good friendship so if I miss you I can go to you more often which I need to work on but it's so hard in the deeps and thanks so much for understanding you don't know how much that meant. It doesn't seem it probably here but it is rare when I'm quiet.

So I did one of the things I want to do today and need to do tt stuff but might oop put it off till tomoz cause I still have to cook lunch and walk then hoping to read more of that goid help book so I can get onto others.

Also emailed here the help one, but not sure about outcome yet but time will tell.

So two jobbies done.

Phew starting to feel better not quite there yet 😭 in a hard post but then after cry was ok.Oh so that's 3 jobbies done today ..woo on fire.

Still needing more sleep but feeling so much more like Deebi, truly it helped a lot you saying that and DB not for disassociating I don't think or know of that I do but that's some parts of me I don't like tho have saved me a few times.

Love to you hun, your posts not landed yet, oh darl you're so good how you word I'm trying to learn off you good people, you say things so well and I know where you're coming from. LOL I'll get there and it'll be easier all round

☺😚🤗🌹🦄⚘👜ha ha and 🚜🌟✨🎄💜💗👄🤝👀👁💑👠👗🕊 🤣💆‍♀️💍🐘🐝🐒🥕🍳🥓🎂🍰🍾🍷🍫🍟🍔🍽 some of our fun memories and times, have I missed any 😂

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi,

I don't feel obliged to post and support you at all, if I'm coming in to much please let me know..I am clinging to you Deebi, I'm sorry if I am too much..

I don't know how to explain this but I will try. I feel comfort when I talk to or listen to you, I say good night to you because I have no one else to say good Night to, but if I'm causing you any sort of pressure at all I'll stop..I don't mean to be clingy and I'm sorry.. it's just that you are more then just words on my iPad..

Im so very proud of you completing 3 tasks that you set out to do today. and your on 🔥..., your wording is good, I can feel your words and how you feel, ..

Deebi, My posts x2 landed but it's okay don't feel pressured to read them..

your thread here is like my safe place, I can come and read back when I'm lonely and re read the fun we have had at times of wellness...You are their already Deebi, you underestimate yourself and the help you give to others, especially me...Love you..😢.oops my emotions just woke up..

Thank you for putting our little treasures down, love them and our time..Please don't ever change Deebi.

Love and Care always Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[demonblaster]

If you knew how happy when I see your posts. On that something I want to mention, that's if it's ever crossed your mind lovey I'm not obsessed with you or Starwolf I know the difference when I've harmlessly been that way with some people in my life which makes for hard work for me more so cause mostly amidst my crazies I'm pretty rational and you both have earnt my respect and love for who you both are, there's people here I'm getting closer too and many I care deeply for which imo is a different love. You've not ever indicated anything to make me think this I just try to be aware of different possibilities. You never pressure lovey you're absolute Gold. I too love our time. Who wouldn't with you.

You're sweet saying that, she's one of the tt lovelies I've known her for yrs and what I said was fair but not how I said it which wasn't ott (over the top) but had some attitude and tone I backed off after the fact but I try so hard not to be a cow in these times. I think she's ok but when I see her next I texted cause battery was low for another call I'll explain more. My bad though.

Haha glad it landed loven your humour so glad you planted the happy beans lol next to our W.bix tree ohh bonus ..you don't know what your pressy is (in lyrical voice) might be soon while I'm in good head space hopefully it'll behave till next episode usually I get at least a mth good times. Another 2/3 good nights sleeps and should be 🤹‍♀️ (happies) and 🔥on all cylinders

Ahh darls you're still struggling huns understandable with what I know so far of your life. Hey my turn to lift you my lady. I read stuff you say to others it's ok not stalking lol I read a lot here as well as yak and you make me laugh at stuff you come out with. You're so beautiful and compassionate with people Grandy bb lucky to have you. So am I your friendship 🎂oop 🥕lol no ummm 💑 boyo didn't that take an age to find

My triggers don't worry lovey how I see it there around in rl and here as for anyone that reads threads is loaded tho I'm trying (not successfully all the time yet) to be more mindful and I figure if I cry I cry or hurt which reminds me later if you don't mind remind me to reiterate what I'm learning here re REBT and not fighting depression tho i'll keep a little of the fight cause it has prevented me going furthur into super deeps speci al lady 🤗❤? ..How's your memory

Love you dear Grandy 😚🦄

[Sapphire_]

Hi Deebs 💖

Thank you for popping into my post today. I replied but you dont have to read it when its up. No need. Nothing interesting.

Isnt it good when we get tasks done. Feels like accomplishment. Do you reward yourself when completin tasks? I have been lately. Finish a task and have a smoko or choccy. Otherwise i wont get anything done. Ive become lazy? Or just depressed ? Maybe one leads to the other for me. Sorry.. rambling.

Listened to that poem again. The one that you posted about a while back. Its a good one. Glad you mentioned it.

Good to see your doing better. Always nice to see.

💙Sapphire

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

Thank you for what you said to me Deebi, you made me cry..

I have never thought of you as being obsessed at all. Deebi, I also have people here that I care a lot about, but with you, it's different, your in my soul and heart, I love you deeply and have huge respect for you..I'm sorry but need to say this I get scared that I'm not good enough for your friendship and often think why someone would want to be friends with a person of my background and you will leave me because of this..pathetic I know..but I have never had a friend who cares for me like you do before..

i really do hope you can sort things out with your tt friend.

You are so kind to me Deebi,,😭..goodness Deebi, my words are stuck..Love you..

Sapphire, you are important sweetheart and so are your words..Please never ever think any other way..

Love and Care deeply...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹