Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

She said thank you to my beautiful Grandy. Going to read stuff to her too

You are so lovely 💕 love you

Got couple hrs, going soon again.

Glad your picking up 🤗

Nigh nite beautifuls

🌹

[startingnew]

Hi DB

my nan passed away on the 29th April (will be 3 yrs this yr). hope its ok to tell you that story another day. abit tired and sore tonight. done abit much with my hand today so taking it a little easy

gentle hugs xoxox

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,🦄

A few things I dug out of my 💼..I'm always prepared 😁

🍫 in case you wake up hungry..

🥃in case you wake up thirsty..

🤗in case you wake up sad..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩in case you wake up lonely..

💜 Your alway in my heart..

Sleep deep, and peaceful 🕊 Dreams..

(L&C).

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹..xx.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Thank you for my first 2 3-leaf clovers 🙂 Great way to start my collection.

I so appreciate your friendship too and I hope you managed to get some more sleep.

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Still early days Starts 🤗 ❤

Whenever's good for you darl 😚 Caught up your thread last night. Hope your hands not as sore today, hard not to do things isn't it.

Grandy ☺ love the bag. So thoughtful and sweet. Thank you, you're quality. Love 🌹💑

Peps you're very welcome ☺ that gave me a little lift as well. Got more sleep thanks 🤗

[demonblaster]

BP day 19

Woke in bit of pain not too bad. Better sleep overall for last 3 ish mths probs and on waking cried.

Pretty down but as it always does it'll pass, that's the main thing keeping me going. I've known the ultimate happy and normal happy so trying to remember those and things people find helps here. It consumes the mind. So hard not to think in down spiral

Some rl (real life) things going on that are adding to downs, one I can sort by being straight I'll try to be gentle but will probably upset them but have to. Good reasons.

TT's numbers low, not much I can do but as soon as I can get A into G I can maybe do something might help. Mainly people sick including me.

Going back bed soon. Need to.

This is a sad hard day for so many.

Rest in peace good people ⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Awe honey I'm so really sorry you woke up and cried this morning, and that your arm/ shoulder hurts.😘.

Deebi..Do you remember telling me and others once that.."Our minds can only think one thought at a time"? ..When you feel yourself spiralling down try to remember a happy time you had with your friends or with something you done that made you feel happy....You have a lot of strength in you Demonblaster, pull out your 🔫..but turn it around first and drown out those negative thoughts, and beasty with them..I know you can do it..I have faith in you..

Deebi, The other thing in r/l that needs your attention, I'm not sure and sorry if I'm wrong, has been eating at you for some time now..Is it possible for you to straighten it out asap, to stop you dwelling on it...The best way I think you or anyone should handle it is honestly and gently but if it means that they will be upset, maybe later they or who ever they are will see, understand and accept what was said and come around to it all later...I just hate it that your hurting and being brought down by this issue.....Sorry if my words sound harsh, there not meant to it just comes out that way when written down and not spoken..

Im truely and deeply sorry your sick 😷 😢..I know the tt means a lot to you, I really hope the numbers increase and it continues.. I hope you feel better soon, 🕊..Thinking of you very often..🤗. Hugs, love 💜 and 💐+🍫=the best medicine you can get for a downer..or maybe 🤔....I can bring my tractor 🚜 around yours and we can go broooming around yours, laughing and bouncing up n down, all we need is a glass of milk and chocolate in a glass and the tractor ride will make it into a milkshake..yummy..

Okay honey, seriously now.😑, I really hope your okay 😌.I worry about you when your down, I know, oh yeah god I know how hard it is to get even to the meh stage..

Love and care for you Deebi,

Peace, care and kind thoughts,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[startingnew]

hugs and hugs SL xoxox

[demonblaster]

Really needed that laugh nun "turn it around first"

Nothing harsh you're beautiful thanks, loved what you said i'll try, theres a few things and reasons I'd say but can't really here. No its not the wake up call one, will see hope/think I'll be right should be.

Not as bad now tho not great sheez it goes deep. Think I slept don't even know was awake a fair bit, thats the problem I need so much more. Pulls ya right down. Walked to shops and back, helped. God it's hard!!!

Was a bit off with someone today felt so p'd off with myself apologised hate being like that. Damn this bs, shes lovely.

Thank you G you're amazing. 💜🤗 nice hearing that ☺ I do too 🌹 Sorry lovey just gotta find my happy beans... have you seen them

Back atcha SLD darl thanks 😊❤

This one touched the deepest crap a few times they're really hard, anyhoo just gotta cop it sweet eh and get through

x⚘

[Ggrand]

Good Night my special Dear Deebi,

Awe honey, it's hard isn't it, but you went to the shops and back and I'm proud of you, (role reversal here)..

Im sure your friend will be okay with your apology, if she knows the real you, she will understand..Please don't be p'd off with yourself, honey your in a downer and it's hard focus or even talk to people at times..Don't be hard on yourself, you are a beautiful friend to have and I think I know you wouldn't think twice if someone asked you to do something, you would do it happily..Depression makes us impatient with people Deebi..

Deebi, your the amazing one...I looked in my 🔮..and I'm not sure...But is that 🤡 clown over ther...juggling 🤹‍♀️ are they your happy beans....geez I looked everywhere,..in the cafe...around your weetbbix tree....I did get some of the beans....of the juggling 🤹‍♀️ Clown 🤡..so I planted them next to your weetbix tree 🌲...if you can water it with some of your 🦄 Magic dust...maybe we can grow some happy beans for when we're down...What do you say Deebi?..

You can get through this Deebi, I know you can..Im here sitting outside under the stars with you, peaceful beautiful twinkling stars, holding your hands and my wings are wrapped around you with there warmth and care..

Sleep deep Deebi, dream peaceful..

Love, care and peaceful thoughts always for you Deebi.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹