Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi,

Motivation is so hard, that's a huge problem for me, my hearts motivated, but my mind and body no way.. The force of the beast in depression is unbelievable, so hard to go against [IT]. Deebi sensitivity is the worse, if I see anyone crying in r/l, even to start to, that's why I don't watch much to, only really game shows..In a downer worse. I won't go there atm.

Oh Deebi, I don't think I just do what beasty tells me too but my brother said don't for ten minutes..lol ten minutes can seem like hours when your struggling not to do something..

Good you joining another mh group, maybe will be good for you, I hope so..I can't get my head around acceptance vs fighting or REBT, checked REBT out on google but cannot understand it..I'm not a brainy person, I read that and it's just words put together not making sense to me, I will try reading it again.

Just something I want to share as well. After hubby passed away my sons and I went to see him, it was a few hours after, my sons and I were sitting there after I said my goodbye, all of a sudden the sheet covering him lifted about 30 cm up then down.. I saw it so did my youngest and dil eldest didn't see it, we were all in shock and speechless..later that night the picture of a lighthouse he bought a few years earlier fell off the wall. My hubby always said that if he went first and I wanted to he will meet me at the lighthouse we used to visit often...

Deebi, if you need to talk all in one time that's okay, in bits that's okay as well, what ever you feel like at the time..

You take care special Deebi, and remember I'm always here for you...

Love you lots,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[startingnew]

Hi DB




exactly sl, I believer theres more too. The first time the bell rung, I went flying in there to get her out of the bathroom ( we had one in the bathroom and one in her room) she wasnt long gone- only a few days an I was aware she wasnt here but was in such a state I didnt think. No one was there. She hasnt rung it for a while or left many signs. Occassionally ill find a white feather somewhere random and ive been thinking of her. She also had those old bedside tables – the ones with th emetal handles that you lift and when you let go they have a little clink as they fall back down. I still here that every now and then. The rainbow was weird and awesome. I took a pic and showed mum and she couldnt believe it either. I had one very spooky encounter though- will share it if you like..
of course, id love to hear some more of yours, you can share anytime you like. I love stories. Oh no way that is too co-incedental! That Is your darling letting you know hes still around!.


I undertand feeling guilty for not being here or struggling to respond, im the same way too. Its human nature I think. Not to worry, you do what you can and when you feel up to it xox

hugs xoxox

[demonblaster]

I'm going to bed precious, lay down for a while no sleep. Wrecked.

Lunch with closey tomoz she/they living back here cool cool she's one really beautiful person.

Nigh night lovey Talk to ya bout REBT tomoz if... you're a good...lovely 🤗😚

can't get bloody italics off urghh time this goes in

Night darlin love you...really ☺x

💜🌹 sleep well huns

💑🦄

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi 🦄.

Im so happy about your lunch tomorrow with your good friends, I know how much you love them. I hope you all have a great time.. here is a crystal necklace 💎📿 to go with your crystal ring, but you need to thread it onto the chain.. and I have a special gift for you and your friend..🌹🌹 2 sweet smelling roses for 2 very sweet people.💜.

Deebi, I'll try to be good, but I shouldn't have asked you about REBT, you are not really well....,I'm sorry... I can try n learn or wait until your well..I feel bad for asking..

Just close your 👀 honey...I'm just sitting here in the special crystal pond, with sleep inducing water, put your feet in it and feel the water seeping up your body as it climbs up through your body until it goes right up to your head....relaxing every single muscle, nerve and thought into a completely relaxed an calm state...I'll get your cloud towel and dip it in the water and just gently wipe your forehead and massage your head and shoulders, while you drift off to sleep and dream of the stars ✨ dancing 💃🏻 In the moonlight 🌙 . To the sweet voices of Simon and Garfunkel..The sounds of silence..

I hope you sleep deeply Deebi, with beautiful sweet dreams..

Nite nite sweet Deebi, love you to.

(L&C).

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹..

[demonblaster]

Oh you are good Grandy beautiful 😚 ☺ you never fail to make me happy. There are times you're talking and I love you even more. You're a truly beautiful soul 🤗🦄 easy to love.....Take good care of your........... 👜.... 😆 do you keep the tractor in there too 😅

Thankyou so much for the flowers I'll be sure to give it to her, since I asked her the other day to keep an eye on me we've been texting daily.

Ohhh you're so sweet the crystal necklace is divine look at all the colours radiating when light touches it. You look after me so well.

Hey are you still wearing your broach? I just might have 🎁 some tinsy winsy little wee earrings that pick up the purple and other striking colours in your broach, that circle around your head like tiny wee starlets singing the sweetest most gentle songs lifting your heart bringing peace and calm to every cell of your body. Pure tranquility. You are very deserving lovely lady

It's just with her for the out but I care lot about her partner too.

Shoulder pain, enough to have to get up at 4am ish so back bed soon been reading threads

Oh took notice of my walk yesterday tell ya in walky thread sometime

No probs re REBT I'll explain it till you understand 😁🤗👍

What a gorgeous pond and the healing rising up you're amazing oh loven the cloud towel. Bow to the magic 🦄 master 😚✊

You guys make a difference seriously thank you so much from deep in 🤗

Grandy I'm going to give you a 💆‍♀️and shoulder massage straight after our healing pond...... God I love you....... 🤗 + 😚+🍫+🦄 = love = 💜 + 💗 + 💖+💕

⚘🐧💕 always be ok Grandy ..please...and my dear friend Starwolf 🤗⚘deep love for you both

5am nigh nite hope you're having peace dreams read your thread will reply today 🙄

🌹

[demonblaster]

Sorry if I know SLD when did your lovely Nan leave. It's great the memories but pfttt to lose love in this life. Ultimate pain

Yes I'd love to hear thanks asking.

I'm choofin back bed shortly catch ya later huns mwah 🤗 oh caught up on your thread I'll get bsck to you ☺ glad no infection and cast better. Go easy hun x

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

It sounds like your late darling has been looking our for you. You must miss him so much...

Thank you for the 3 leaf clover, and it’s actually a well timed coincidence (you just be psychic! Lol) as I was just watching a short online clip about a 3 leaf clover collector yesterday. Funny that?

I was just thinking that I want to start collecting 3 and 4 leaf clover themed objects (odd, I know) like pins, etc from antique stores and markets...weird coincidence but thank you ☘️

Ok...I suppose you can keep the tim tasks but I’ll happily accept the soul hug 🙂

Thanks for explaining...got it. Yes, I can relate to what you’re saying. I think most people have fallen prey to their own emotions (including me). and said or did things that they wouldn’t have otherwise.

But I know you have a good heart, DB, when it comes down to it. You mean well and you’re a genuinely caring friend 🙂

Loving soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Ahhhh, that shoulder massage...unbelievable..thank you..

I really hope your day out with your friend goes beautifully, you so much deserve it...Oh I almost forgot, I hate leaving people out, 🍩 a nice donut for your friends partner..

Enjoy today honey💜🤗..

Love you, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[demonblaster]

You're good to me Peps 🤗 haha glad you settlrd for that 😆 it wasn't often but there are times you're just best in your own company.

Cool about 3/4 leaf clovers and the funny thing is I've only recently started using them, little gift from the universe to tell you you're on track. Neaties, here's another for your soon to be collection ☘

Thanks for always being here xear Peps you're a sweety friend 🤗 hope your days good

Grandy you're so sweet darlin remembering my day with my friend it was really good she's so beautiful so it was good time. Just got back and a young bloke from MH group visiting. Gunna have another sleep soon

Love you Grandy sweet 🤗😚 thank you 💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear a Deebi,

Im thrilled you had a great time..Great friends are someone to treasure..

Sleep now as much as you can..

Love and care deep Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹