Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

You’re sounding as though you’re learning a lot about yourself, specifically, your own responses to situations and people. Well done on your self insight 🙂

I feel you have a big heart and generous spirit (as I often say). Sadly, some people in your offline world might pick up on this and use this for their own gain...with minimal reciprocity.

That would hurt. I’m glad you’re learning to stand up for yourself in a constructive way 🙂

All the best with tt too!

You can think of me if you see a storm, blue butterfly or 3/4 leaf clover. Apparently, the Pepper Empire (lol) is “expanding”...

Sending super warm soul hugs. Talk after the weekend.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Just on last sentence and poof off it floats to cyberspace

I usually do stand up for myself but the many times I've let nasty comments slide woah, hurts and WISH I could forget and much prefer to talk stuff out in a civil manner but their reaction no matter how you dress it up often gets my gander up which one day I hope to have under control. Couple of blokes in my time who few take it up to, one said 😅 " the only thing I like about you is you stand up for yourself" delighted I'm sure lol he was the same bloke that was once going to slam me if I didn't back down at a rough pub which I did reluctantly cause I knew he'd follow through. He was ok after but not the point. The other I still do and always will with good reasons even if I was a saint ☺

Thanks re tt, hoping it doesnt fold would be a shame but hopefully the sick people slowly recover as I am and return.

Peps have you considered asking your new boss for a raise 😄 with that empire lol expanding.. your credentials hey you'd be sought after 😆

Heard you talking with Starts about storm and aren't they magnificent those Blue butterflies, such a gentle peaceful harmless creature just existing not bothering anyone or thing and their incredible transformation into such beauty. One of the few defenceless creatures on this earth. Actually those and the Weeping Willow I'd like to see as the peace sign.

Hoping your w/e is relaxing for you Pepsy love, take good care and since 2 days away I spose I'll have to give you an extra super warm soul 🤗🤗 cya hun thanks for dropping in

☘

[demonblaster]

Hey our Grandy, thanks as always for your lovely heart warming post 🤗 beautiful things you say.

Yes soul and hearts good, we have a really good connection I love you very much 🤗⚘

I know how you feel about people leaving you, my morbid I know but realistic fear I think comes from Dad when I was 18 dying suddenly, Grandy he was such a great Dad, we were soo lucky with good loving parents. Mum it was easier only that she was a good age and 😭 she had dementia and I was here so couldn't look after her or get over because of gambling nearly went off my head trying to get to her before she died and finally did in time. I was on the ph from Oz talking to her and knew she'd had a stroke woah her dementia was from TIA's (mini strokes) I rang and she was mixing the words poor darling, pretty much a nightmare being here not there.Yrs of nursing toughened me to a great degree I've seen a lot of passing on and suffering esp moving around a lot working different places and palliative care but when they're your people phooey! Sorry bit depressing

You know I love you so much and here I'm trying to learn not to promise cause things change we don't know what's ahead but I don't want to turn my back on such an amazing community and the untold help and support I need to honour and the cause, we HAVE to get on top of this rot, people shouldn't be existing in unnecessary pain. My biggest couple of concerns are committment and sticking with things but here I think for many reasons including you and that one day Starwolf god I hope returns that I want to stay.

You're not pathetic at all but I am at times but pfttt ces't la vie and is the least to worry about

Sorry lovey not a cheerful post 🤣 i'll do better later and have my 🤹‍♀️ happy beans

Hey you know one if my besties I went to lunch with, we've been texting daily since I asked, she didnt so I texted not fazed just checking in, she got taken to hospital with pneumonia 😲 she had a sore throat for a bit unwell thought tonsils poor darl.

Okay lovey hope you're well and have your 🤹‍♀️ lol probs not after this post

💑💜💗👀

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi.🦄..

Love you so much special friend..

🦄🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌹🌲🕊🤹‍♀️👂👀🔮💼🍫

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I really hope you are doing okay.

I have seemed to have gotten a cold, well I hope it's only a cold, been sneezing, headaches, sore throat ect: for a couple of days...

I read your post to me and understand what your saying, I'm happy that you had a loving childhood, that really is good to hear, your commitment problems are easy to understand but I will help you through that if I can because I love you and need you and won't let go of you..

You sound like you are down and that saddens me a lot, you have been trying really hard to get your happies back, remember that you are a strong lady and that Demonblaster has your fire 🔥, so if you can find her and I'll fan the fire for you..

Deebi, honey I care for you and will try my best to help you and be a good friend to you.🦄💜..Your posts, wow what your saying to others is really really good..I'm proud of you.

Im sorry about your friend, I really hope she heals quickly, here is a bunch of beautiful tulips and a fruit basket for her and a get well wish as well.

I hope you have watered our happy bean tree 🌲, so we can try them out after it grows...

A special wish for you Deebi, that you are doing okay and you find some peace today, please honey if you need to talk I'm always here for you..🕊...

Please Deebi, please be okay 🦄..maybe a chockie 🍫 oh and a yummy piece of cake 🎂, with a delicious hot chocolate with some glittering marshmallows to make it sparkle like you do, my sweet friend..

Love and Care deeply, Deebi.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[demonblaster]

You're such a beautiful friend Grandy seriously you are so easy to love. Thank you from my heart and soul. You mean so much.

How gorgeous are you giving my friend those beautiful gifts when I text her I'll give them to her and she was so appreciative for your sweety others to her and partner god your a honey ⚘

Really good sleep last night hun tried for more but my headache bit of pain and back a bit complained.

Ohh darlin a cold, not good lovey I'll give you a warm loving hug 🤗 and cook up a lovely meal and you can just relax and I'll look after you 🌹

Here's a nice soothing warm lemon drink with special healing love in it.

Yum choccy and cake (best ones with icing) love them sweety.

Thank you Grandy, heart and soul 💑 you rest up I'll give you a beautiful 💆‍♀️and ran a lovely warm bubbly (glitter in them too) bath and your lavender and lilac is it candles are softly burning then you can pop in your nice comfy warm bed, your nighty's on the chair next to the bath and your sweety slippers with your broach on one of them

Love you 😚 you're very good to me dear friend thank you so much for everything 🤗

You're a beautiful person 💕

[Ggrand]

Awe Deebi, thank you very much for caring for me..You are a beautiful friend..a beautiful red rose for a special friend..

Im making Chicken vegetable soup..my favourite.....lol..I need looking after...I was grinding some black peppercorns into it ...when...oops the lid feel off....oh nooooo, Deebi, black peppercorns everywhere...Floor, bench, sink..I really didn't need that to happen....oh...yeah...not to mention the soup...Lol now ts black peppercorn soup with chicken and vegetables...silly me..

Im pleased you had a good sleep last night, geez I'm having problems there, I'm reading Dools thread..." sleep ". I hope that can help me...I get to sleep okay but after one hour I'm awake again, then cannot go back until nearly dawn...oh well I'm not going to worry about it though..I will sleep some today if I can..The slow cooker cooks by itself, by I can cook 👨‍🍳 and sleep 😴 at the same time...Magic Deebi..lol..

Thank you Deebi, your really good to me and you are so very easy to love..many do here that's because your Gold..

My crystal ball 🔮 ....oh.....let me look 👀 inside....ohhh...wow....that's awesome what I see inside.......my secret Deebi....

Love and Care..

You are a beautiful person also sweet Deebi.🦄.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[smallwolf]

Desiderata is Latin for "desired things" (at least that's what Wiki says)

It is a 1927 prose poem by American writer Max Ehrmann. Largely unknown in the author's lifetime, the text became widely known after its use in devotional and spoken-word recordings in 1971 and 1972

Here is the first part...

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

if you go to google and search for Desiderata you will find the poem quite easily.

Peace and calming thoughts to you.

[startingnew]

DB sending some soul hugs xoxoxo

GG- i hope you feel better soon xox

[Chloe_M]

Helloha lovelies!

DB thought it was about time I popped into your thread... So hiii!

Grandy hope you feel better 💝

❤️Chloe