Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs, hope the PC problems get fixed up soon.

I feel so frustrated and helpless with all this pain you are going through. Arm, shoulder, and alternating between the two as to which is currently the worst. Hopefully soon the pain from both will ease and leave you in peace at last.

Yes most definitely, I totally agree about rupturing discs. I ruptured 2 dics in my lower back years ago, and they were pressing on my sciatic nerve. Pain .... wow, unbelievable. Cant describe it really. And functionally disabling, as I lost use of one of my legs when it was at its worst. Thankfully I did recover, but it took a good year and much physio and pain and distress before it finally became bearable. So when I say I feel for you, I really do.

Hope you get some sleep this afternoon. I'm about to have a lie down myself right now. We finally have a few light showers here, and I'm going to lie down for a while and listen to the rain on the roof. Hubby resting also, so I have a break, and will make the most of it.

Mandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Ummm thank you for what you said...Ditto x 2 for you.

Deebi, I hope you don't mind but I done a little research on your ruptured disc,

I read that it is the inflammation that causes the pain because of swelling, instead of heat packs which are soothing I know, but they don't decrease the inflammation, A suggestion made on a few different sights recommend to use ice packs wrapped in a towel and placed onto the effected area to bring the inside swelling down which should ease off the pain, because cold reduces swelling...Maybe hun it's worth a try..Even if you try it for a little while, while your watching tv so you can monitor if any different or not...I was thinking maybe of a night with a heat pack plus bed covers the heat is swelling it more, therefor it swelling inside that's why it hurts more when you wake up...Please Deebi can you give the ice pack a try....

Everything I've read says the inside swelling needs to be reduced to ease the pain. This was under cervical ruptured disc..They even said zone shot could be helpful for short term relief as it reduces the swelling, but it needs to be inserted extremely accurately..in fact perfectly.

I hope you have a really wonderful time with your friend this afternoon, maybe afternoon tea with a giant slice of chocolate cake...you deserve it. .

Love our time together, never to much. Love you Deebi.

L&C.

Grandy xx 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

p.s if you try it please do..can you let me know either way. xx

[demonblaster]

Yes most definitely, I totally agree about rupturing discs. I ruptured 2 dics in my lower back years ago, and they were pressing on my sciatic nerve. Pain .... wow, unbelievable. Cant describe it really. And functionally disabling, as I lost use of one of my legs when it was at its worst. Thankfully I did recover, but it took a good year and much physio and pain and distress before it finally became bearable. So when I say I feel for you, I really do.

Hope you get some sleep this afternoon. I'm about to have a lie down myself right now. We finally have a few light showers here, and I'm going to lie down for a while and listen to the rain on the roof. Hubby resting also, so I have a break, and will make the most of it.

Hiya lovely friend 🙂 You're very compassionate too thank you darlin, yeah glad the shoulders settled phew but arm a bit but at least mild can handle this not that.
Wow losing use of your leg Phoooey you copped it bad, I've always heard sciaticas wicked pain, nerve and it can as you know wow a yr blaghh last for few wks or longer in your case. Rough trot so glad it came good poor thing. Thank you for your empathy x

Yeah no idea what to do about the PC probs, friend was here yesterday doing some bits which brother couldn't sort either. Today there was a system update so couldn't do anything. Yikes

Hope you got a good rest huns, yeah I gotta couple hrs too. Take good care sweets. Thank you for your support lovey 🙂 

GRANDY me gorgeous, you continue to touch my heart and I"m so worried I might have hurt you, please be honest did I, darling I'm so sorry if I did, do you understand why? I love you so much it's the last thing I wanna do. Adore you

You are sooo beautiful looking that up for me, you've really got my back haven't you thank you sooo soo much I was deeply moved. Sorry lovey I do remember the zone my awesome GP said with the worst 1st bout I could have one and not in a hurry for that either and I think it's 3 you can have a year, they're hard on kidneys I think and pos liver. 
You're right ya know about cool reducing swelling, I hadn't thought about that because I was doing heat to relax the brick muscles. Nice one I will try that out. SO touched you did that, what a mate. You're souls made of Gold I swear, you don't know what I feel when I read your posts and haven't answered them but will soon, starting to pick up. 

Love you deeply (unicorn xx) 

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I hope you managed to get some rest today 🙂

You sound like you’re trying to take better care of yourself, which I’m very glad to hear. You deserve the absolute best ❤️

Sigh, your ruptured disc is a living nightmare. It causes you so much pain. I admire how you still try to carry on with such a beautiful and caring demeanour despite everything.

I think your friendship with everyone, particularly Grandy, is its own little slice of magic and wonder.

Love and hugs for the weekend,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Grandy darling I've got the ice pack on now
Yeah I think the pain spesh who I'm NOT going back too he missed the syrinx, (csf fluid) was showing me how close a huge nerve was to where they'd be operating if it comes to that, that can cause death, paralysis or stroke, how dandy so that could be same reason they have to get it bang on.
The first time with these things is the worst which is true but it healed quicker, by now I was nearly through it I think this has a few more weeks by the way it's going if it doesn't flare again.

Hope you're doing ok Grandy, I'm listening on yours and was going to pop in today to say Hi but slept and ACTUALLY doing some things arghhhhhhh happies, well started one thing but has to be done woo hoo, getting through slowly :D.
Not sure what I did but the shoulders stirred up again. Scared of relief but have to with this. It's not the cold pack I don't think.

I have good times and fun between the downs so luckily unlike some poor people at least there's breaks and laugh muck around with people so that's a goody. Haha fun on fortunately/unfortunately, I read it ages ago and laughed as much as now. You've got wicked humour one of the manys I love about you Grandy you're super 😄 mwahs

Hope you get good sleep sweets. Take really good care of yourself won't you, you're so precious.

Yous all rock biggly don't ya know 🙂 So grateful

ROCK/STAR WOLF: So hope you're recovering and in good shape dear friend, I love you very much too. Worry about you being in the sticks. You're solid Rock, you've touched many lives (( hugs ))
Haven't talked to you for a while but please believe you're in my thoughts a LOT, I think of people in my life a lot and ask others if they think of people and most do. Harr this is soo cool friend rang tonight and she's organised a blat (drive, think it's a kiwi saying) and won't tell me what it is 😄 😄 😄 surprise and it sounds NEAT so laters for it, got a few things on soonish. Can't wait. Hopefully gunna catch a gentle dunk in soft water as in no waves soon with other friend, I really wanna go in but bit scared with arm like it is in case but thinking to do it, been close couple times.

Laters lovelies xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Please be careful, if the cold pack makes it ache, get a hot pack on straight away, I will never forgive myself if it gets worse with the cold, soo please be careful...

Fortunately/ unfortunately yeah, it's fun, it's good for light fun..your adding to the humour, love you being their,

Deebi, I feel for you with Starwolf, she is an amazing lady, I read her posts when I come across them her insight is really outstanding, I listen when you talk and I know you have learnt a lot from Starwolf and I bet you she is super proud of you..I am..

Deebi you haven't hurt me, you never can, I love you and understand you a lot, please hun you don't need to reply to my posts, I understand that sometimes it gets to much, just relax and care for yourself.....

Deebi please don't ever change, you really need to know just how awesome and amazing you are.. You have a great sense of humour, even when your in so much pain. But honey look after you first okay..please... take good care of you..

I really really hope this pain eases soon, I mean that, how much more, for goodness sake. It's so unfair and I really am sorry for the pain your going through..

I hope you sleep deeply tonight and dream beautiful peaceful dreams..Good Night my special friend xx I'm always here for you..

Love you 🦄.

{{L&C}}.

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

🤗 one day you're going to believe how 🦄 you are, if you knew how happy & secure you make me, you move me help me so much, its hurting thinking I did you 😢 love the original reason with Eddie it was the other one we,were talking about LOVE our time and have'nt been here for you lately Grandy we help eachother you don't know what you mean to me and its not fixation or obssesive do love you. Thank you darling for the beautiful things you say I've come long way from rock bottom and that so many people do love me rl and you helps no end long way to go but here's god here's cant speak highly enough I'll never forget. I've been fixated (really sound sigh) this is real you're so good to me I'm learning so much from you and here hope you know what I"m,talking bout. Feel stink. You're one of the reasons I keep going and I think you do mean it now 🤗

On pc a bit stirring arm, lately its either arm or shoulder at times both I hold out as long as I can had 3 today starting to zonk me

You're so kind G thankyou I was alone here and Sez came occasionally but it wasnt just that. SW you know you read her stuff its her shes amazing I've got a lot of love in me and she as you are so deserving. People keep leaving Grandy 😭 don't you. Its neat how ya meet people.I know its not allowed I wish we could. I've said to some if anything happens to let yaz know here must tell more wouldnt want yous to not know.

Read what Starts special lady ☺ darling might have PCOS Jayz hope not nasty

Sweety lady you take care too, proud you got your fence sorted you found a way. How are you have you managed any walks? March nearly behind you honey, god I love that yeah pathetic lol but it's great. We were meant to be here at same time. You really matter. Beautiful people here and the people in rl are really good ones. I'm lucky. How lovely you understand me. You're special lady 🤗 ok droopy now so best hit the hay, hope you sleep well you incredible soul

love you be safe and well precious😚☺

beautiful Peps thank you darling I'll post you tomoz enjoy your time huns 🤗

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs,

I hope you got some healing sleep overnight? As I said before, it really does make you feel helpless when someone is suffering as you are, and there's absolutely nothing any of us here can do to help with the pain. Yes it was a tough 12 months when I had the ruptured discs. It was the L5/S1 and L4/5 discs. So it affects the legs. Thankfully only one leg for me, and I lost all muscle use in that leg. It remains wasted even now, but at least I have use of it again. Actually the pain started to subside around 6 months in, but it was a good 12 months before I felt I could actually start to safely do things again. I still have occasional pain flare ups when I do things I know I shouldnt. And because there is permanent nerve damage, I still have a lot of symptoms like numbness, pins and needles plus some (mild in comparison) pain. I have a supply of the strongest pain killers available for the times it does flare up, and I am desperate. Thankfully it doesnt happen often now. And I need to keep those pills somewhere safe, as they cannot be abused.

I know how much you miss Starwolf (Rock). I have read some of her posts from some time ago. I think I've said to you previously that I would have loved to have been around when she was here. I'm with you, I sincerely hope that she is recovering and well again.

Deebs, I hope today brings you some relief and some happiness. Sending hugs and well wishes.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

Thank you lovely Mandy 🤗 you copped a flogging poor thing still flare ups wow and nerve damage damn feel for ya and it takes time too aye working out what we can and can't do

My worst in back are not sure if L2 but L3 to S2 wicked pain on outs excrutiating. Darlings chemo I said I wanted to shower him was sheer hell cause for a while T I'm guessing 3,4,5 were WOW 😭 muscles went to rock incredible pain and he was 140 ish kg literally nearly dead, zilch strength in shower chair had to try and hold him up poor baby so often he was so exhausted he couldn't hold his jaw up, he was a hero throughout copped a flogging with all the procedures, infections when he was neutropenic (no resitence to bugs from chemo)

Pins & needles, numb are weird arent they had both in 1st 2nd bouts of this when shoulder and entire arm was being slammed. So glad you have use again geez must have been frightening hun, what a flogging poor girl 🤗

I'm a bit excited thanks to👂 starting to do things & thinking more about other stuff like art baby steps. Llike the list and 3 things a month so it'll take time but as Romantic said small things are achieves looking forward to starting acceptance & confidence building book too I have to sloow down bit.here have few things on but still be around lol our OCD keeps us at it aye hun ☺ as psych said its good for me & its helping others not that I have much lately I need to concentrate on reading back, catching up slowly on threads,start taking notes & neat being in light parts here for zany moments

Shame I needed fair bit esp yesterday relief for pain same.,but when ya need aye chooks

Yes remember you saying re ROCK an incredible lady, highly respected.Thanks Mandy I really do miss her terribly and so worried about her

Yes got good sleep thanks hope you did too, feeling way better still need LOT more but not down at all, little tears re SW thats ok its love same as Grandy love I don't feel obsession with either tho I guess arguable but I know the difference from past. Bloody head its gunna know whos boss, work in progress

Mandy another happies realised more I'm not stupid, people make ya feel that way tho & sensitive GOD over that too but MI blocking paths just have to keep reiterating

☺thanks heaps for your time & support you're another beautiful soul with your horrid struggles

Care about you 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Wow your post made me feel really cared for and loved thank you very much.

I feel exactly the same as you feel, I feel safe when I know your around I never had that in my life before, a Feeling of safety, Oh honey, you don't know how much you help me. Soo much you've done for me, if only you knew.. I do love you. Honey you didn't hurt me..please don't upset yourself.

The things I say to/about you is the truth, you are amazing and for that reason I fear sometimes that you will tire of me and leave .You kept me here before and you are now, that's gold ,your gold honey.

How is your arm/shoulder today, I'm concerned because it started up again last night while you were talking to me?

I'm really sorry Deebi, I haven't walked since the last time when I had that melt down. We were meant to meet, I fully mean that, and know that is the truth, we meet people for reasons, our reason I think is to learn of each other, comfort each other, and to keep each other here..

please stay safe, look after yourself. Will bbl to see how you are feeling..I couldn't sleep last night, I feel asleep at around 7am, and slept until 12pm. lol my body clocks going out of whack.

You matter so much to me, look after you, be gentle and kind to yourself..

(L&C).

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩