Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi🦄.

Im just calling in to say hello and check on you, I'm so hoping your doing ok, I'm l👀King at you and holding your hands, 🤝 not letting you go and my angel 👼wings are wrapped around you honey, to protect you from all thats bad..l👀ky .🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🐉 deendy is with me as well, Together we will kick the beasty. ☠️ In the you know where and send him flying out the door 🚪then lock 🗝 the door with chains ⛓that are beasty proof. Thank you so very much for holding on to me for a few days...I'm getting some light 💡 coming in now, so I'm going to come over to yours 🏠 if you still want and 💜 me and zap ⚡️ it into you..

Im never giving up on you, because you are special to me plus I'm missing you so much, plus the biggest reason of all of all is I 💜 You and I get sad 😢 when your in pain..How are you doing? Your stronger 💪 then you think, I know you, you have taught me so much, your always pulling me up, I want to pull you up, 😚 it's your turn to lean on me, please do so, I'm always here for you, I know the last few days I haven't been and believe me when I say I'm sorry, 😢 I should always be here for you.

I hope that you are l👀king after yourselfand being a good girl 👧 the best you can, I'm concerned that I've said something to hurt 😢 you or maybe it's something I haven't said..., now l👀K who's got insurcurities I can't help it.. it's just me, when I love someone it's deep, and I only speak the truth..

Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you honey and have as much hope that you can, I've got spares you can have mine, Awe honey, it's not good your in so much pain.

I had some lessons on how to massage 👩‍⚕️ properly, so just sit back on your recliner and I'll start, We start at your head, gently my fingers 🖐 are moving in circles along your head , gently relaxing you...slowly I'm moving down to your shoulders ever so gently massaging then making you to relax....Feel the tension and pain leaving you...your eyes ,👁👁 are getting heavier and heavier until you fall into a deep an relaxing sleep.. 😴 okay you sleep a couple of hours now, then I'll wake you for some homemade chicken 🍵vegetable soup, it's yummy and it's a old fashioned remedy..

Please be ok my special friend,🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊 7 peace doves and a crystal ball 🔮 to keep them in.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗+🐘= please never forget..if you don't 💜 me, I'll be sad but it doesn't stop how I feel about you ever.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼

[demonblaster]

All good Grandy 😚 we're similar. 🤗 maybe why we get on so well ☺ understand eachother. No surprises there.

Sez that's an awesome song thanks hun really appreciate your time and effort with me too 👼 haha fun at Weetbix party house aye glad you play there 😅

Pepstar clin psych I really am happy with this one seen her intermittently for yrs and being clinical theres a gap and probs more with a new one. Say la vie. Last one was good but kick in guts when he left cause we were going to do something big together to benefit us both and good for many he didnt communicate back.. but wasn't the end of the world but..

Its all a juggle isnt it achievable but getting into it can be a challenge. Got a couple of offline bits done was happy with that.

Got few more hrs sleep today woe needed could've walked but was so tired friend lift and back

Only gave plants a little 😭 water.

replied to you Pam it'll land

Thanks guys xx

Of course I love you Grandy. Can't not

I miss him so much 💔 he was my life. I've got beautiful love and met untold new good too but... want someone regular around. Gettin there

[Ggrand]

Hello special Lady,

So very sorry, your missing him..💜. 🤗👼👀🕊🕊.

Grandy...🤗🦄💜👀🕊🕊🔮🐘🦄👼👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[demonblaster]

You're a beautiful soul

God I'm seconds away from watering plants again this time its the friggen shoulder pain its the worst of the lot OH GOD its relentless

Why bother sleeping if its gunna be like this

So OVER THIS! Nerve pain varies

Sorry its bloody ... 😭

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,

Awe honey, how darn helpless I feel at the moment, you have no idea. Please try and have a shower, run the water over your hair, just lean on the wall and let the warm water run over your head and onto your shoulder, Have you sleeping in recliner or bed? Ok this may sound strange to you..maybe get someone to put you mattered directly onto the floor, just maybe your mattress is to soft and there's not enough support for your shoulder, maybe it's kinda sinking in the mattress and putting you neck out which hurts the shoulder.. I'm really heartbroken for you.. love hurts. Please be okay...🕊🦋

please hang on to me..Gosh I wish I was there to help you....My tears 😭 are for you sweetness. So hate your pain.. Nerve pain is crap.. Please be ok iim here 24/7 .I mean that, Will bbl.

L💜VE, You Please be okay..🕊🕊🔮🔮🕊👀🔥🐘

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘🕊.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🔮

[demonblaster]

Thanks darlin yeah tried different pillows back neck wrecked from nursing they said at hospital recently to check this all out I've got a nurses neck.

You're very caring

At least the arms tame atm geez this part has always been the worst. Yeah nerve its 🤤😭

Mutts relentless daghh

Think beds ok although need a new mattress but its coming from the bulging discs oh glad you don't have grief from yours in your back HOLY its wicked can barely walk turning in bed outta bed phenomenal but touchwood. Had one milder but touches of agony not long ago, building core strength walking.

Hope you're doing well ☺🤗💓🌲👼

Another day or 2 sleeping biggly should be back on top. Love your tinsey winsey monkeys loose nice one Grandy 😄

I'm doing threads better not feeling so obliged to answer straight away

[demonblaster]

2am got 3hrs 💤 got pain dulled but woke me soz G beaut no did one night in chair trouble with the shoulder's as u said pressure on it which is same in chair damn reluctantly have to relieve it again to catch 💤

Today ok rough headspace previous couple gettin overwhelmed anxiety spilling near panic attacks was awful but remembering your 1-5 breathing saved me several times was/am v.tired thx 💜 One reason was to read back which I do/will but feel like I'm drowning trying to keep up. Llearning so much but Ineed to go at my pace which is v.slow cause so often the heads South for so long.Hey lovey u don't have to 🐘 so much I get why u feel I might forget nah only if health prevents me.Just random if ok plz ☺ feeling bit pressured.Llove/appreciate you so much not leaving u theres much I wanna do to help you ⚘yous so good to me but thought to avoid pressure to keep up I like to follow threads every post I'l 👂👀 in bits

Wolfy makes sense doesnt he G I'd thought same re reading between lines &proofings important starting to improve there too. Thats y I like reading back for learning love here & something directed at others can be of benefit to many Tony/Doolsy said to you not always be focusing on it all too often to you it helped I find on my ups/lows are the mains it centres us I have to to avoid going down furthur &watching light Tv I do too helps & Dools reading crafts etc people here Im care very much about we help eachother Im truly blown away

That'll do for now bit teary think pain tired thus mostly Ive been able to handle not as heavy as BP lows but battle all the same.

Spose you wouldnt say but my love for you might annoy you being clingy 😢I dont wanna do that so trying to back off. God thus (accent lol) friggen head it hurts so much something helps on fb once we're only given in life what we can handle. Choice

My resolves v.slowly in bits strengthening

Thanks G you dont know how much I appreciate you 🤗💓 be safe and well x

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi,

Sorry Deebi about your arm its causing you so much pain, It's so not fair, geez you would think 1/4 zone might help or something better then pain relief..I won't talk to much.

try to sleep now, if you can, I'll stay with you. and you are not clingy, never, please never think that, love our time together, i read same in f/b and other places, but I think some people are given to much to handle..Sleep now, if you can..

(L&C).

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

💜💗 oh glad to hear 😚 ditto love our time so much fun mutual support ☺ convo and yeah loves pretty special aye lady

You need to know you're amazing

Thanks lovey no sure if zone would work for nerve pain.

Off to 😴nigh nite beautiful you sleep welll to🤗

[demonblaster]

Damn got some more Pc probs spose I should 📞 someone who maybe able to help tell me what todo,

Gotta friend coming who might be able help Trust him

Ok but its just ongoing last couple mths at least arm pain easing but damned shoulder giving curry atm still At least there's light in there's slow improve tho rather have savage arm than this one. Suggestion to anyone DON'T rupture discs. No party

Going back sleep later