Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Sung in a nice but taunting voice

Grandys gunna smack me...

Oopsy it's nearly.. 3..eee 🕒 ⚡

Bloody awesome po..Ostttt 👌⚘

Time I wanna give the mo..Osttt⌚

But she'll be happy whe..henn 😃

I go back and read aga..hen 👂👀🔎🐘👍I won't ☺

Thank you for soo much time effort care and love and yes thanks love help with insecurities ☺😚

Adore you 💓🌟💜 🌲💑

Love

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄,

Love you deeply. yes your a little naughty, 😕.😢. Please hun, go back to sleep...for me...look after you..😚.

Gandy 😡 With Grandy, .. hurts deep Deebi.,,😭..

Keep hold please, Need a hug, 🤗..

💜🤗🦄🔥🐉👀👌.

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Ohhh sweetheart come here 🤗 you beautiful thing crying cause I was down good again btw, it's awful you're hurting huns ohh come with me,got your hand I'll make you a lovely peppermint no a calming chamomile tea tuck you in,we'll put your Insight timer on & I'll be right next to you in the bean bag, actually I might try on it instead ☺ Sweety you're brave and strong, you're going to make it and we're going to help you ok, lean darlin, gently stroking your hair you're feeling the tension start to leave you're body, the teas starting to relax you 💆‍♀️ slowly your shoulders now..they're tight but loosening, you're eyes are getting heavy you feel soft comfortable and free of pain ..sleepy sleep my darling 😚..nice and comfy...sshhhh...nigh night..quietly saying I love you beautiful soul

I see you're' doing the nightshifts 😀 thats what I'm calling our late or oops all niters, I had a sleeper gunna sleep big next few days had couple of social cancels all good & saw one of them tonight Nearly 5.30am so don't worry bout me ok your turn for me to look after you lovey 💜💑🤝👀👂💤

Pammy darling I get it and SO sorry 🤗 if I upset you 😚 My misunderstanding what you said in chookys thread, I'm seeing how which I knew but Oh dear how easy to do, I get confused to whats what at times, who's saying what to who kinda but becoming clearer or if directed for me which is tact its good and there was a couple of ways to take it and I chose the wrong one cause we're continuing.our teaching eachother and learning which I thought you meant. Hope you understand. Its moreso when I'm in deep I apologise, go for it what you want to say I know its coming from a good place and you want to help me. My boo boo and wasn't cranky 🤗 was on a hard down then saw that. Please say what you want I might question and you're welcome to too. Prefer to communicate. You're lovely and good to me I don't forget 🐘 and we help eachother two way great friendship and you know me well enough now I hope, that I have honour and stand by that. I'll look after you too as I have do and will 🤗☺ Soz was meaning to get back to you earlier, hard unorganised mind use to think ? ADHD but researched a book by two GP's and some similarities with BP so not sure. Finishing projects or anythings often an issue was a clue but don't think so

Sorry if I upset you darlin, I'm not upset just don't like upsetting others not the intent ☺please feel free to talk more if you want.⚘

Are you ok?

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Good to hear from you. I have missed having you around lately. Expect everyone has. Always in my mind. Take care an get better soon.

Mandy

🐝 🌸 ☀

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebs

I'm not upset about anything. You might have seen something about the people i went camping with, not about you DB!! Unless of course you are one of the ppl i went camping with LOL.

Good to see you back in high spirits. You're a marvel and such a wonderful support to everyone.

Do you mind if I give you some of my insight of you:

Does it really matter what you have (BP, PTSD, whatever)?

You are loved for who you are. No matter what.

Pple who think they are 'normal' and sit back to criticise or make others feel less that worthy are not worth the effort. Even if they are family. You are super DB.

There are so many here on the BB forums who have such admiration for you. Just read the posts!

I wish I could take your pain away. Extract it with feather dusted plyers and let it go into the stratosphere - never to return.

I received your kisses and return them 10 fold. 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋🤗

PamelaR

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi.

Your little song is so just like you beautiful and sweet.

love it thank you.💜. Love you deeply..

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗 🐘

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼..

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

[demonblaster]

Yous are beautiful 💓

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I hope your asleep, I just feel like talking to you without answers, if that's okay. My Pysch on Tuesday after we talked, I won't go into that because it was really hard for me..After we finished and I stopped crying she asked me to do a test I did and the questions were easy to answer. The results showed that I have a new label to add to my other labels..Dependant Personality Disorder..A nice way to say, I'm clingy, can't make life decisions, a pathetic people pleaser, no self esteem, feelings of guilt, blame, Please people even if it's detrimental to myself crying a lot, scared of living and isolates one self from society for fear of conflict or rejection.. My Pysch sent a letter to my psychiatrist to review, and confirm. All the symptoms are what I've been going through it's makes sense to me..Deebi I don't want me anymore, I want to be someone else.. I'm sorry I'm telling you but I need to tell someone, It's upsetting me a lot. When is it all going to end? Am I too clingy with you? My Pysch also says people with this disorder needs someone to lean on, to rely on, to love, look up too. I'm sure I've made you that person, I'm sorry, I must be so annoying talking to you all the time but if I didn't/don't I feel like I've done something really wrong and feel very guilty. I understand if you want me to back off, i can try it will be hard because I love you deeply. and have this overwhelming feeling that I need you, which I do..I'm just talking Deebi, I need to get it out..Please really no need to post a reply, I just needed to tell you. I feel I owe it to you.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗+🐘🕊=forever never forget..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful DB and all,

Thank you, I’ll gladly accept your friendly affection ❤️

I’m glad to hear your new party room has been a roaring success. It sounds like you have been having a lot of fun there (despite the physical pain).

Ah...it looks like you’re trying to seek explanations/answers from a diagnosis. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a really good clin psych that is affordable too...

Thank you very much for the Loving well wishes. I think you’re a very caring friend 🙂 If you’re wondering what I’m up to, I have mostly just been trying to manage my various offline commitments at the moment. Trying to squeeze in some daily self care but that can be a little tricky at times. Lol.

Anyway, it’s always good to hear from you. Appreciate you in more than words.

love,

Pepper xoxo

[Just Sara]

Dearest DeeBee Chooky;

Pain hurts! It sucks too! All this leaning on and loving you and caring about you and sharing with you.. it's a natural response to your beautiful, giving and loving nature.

"♬♪♫ Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But, if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.

Lean on me; when you're not strong. I'll be your friend; and I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, 'till I'm gonna need, somebody to lean on.

Please, swallow your pride. If I have made, you need to borrow. For, no-one can feel, those of your needs, that you won't let show. 😭

You just call on me sister, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem, that you understand. We all need somebody to lean on.

Lean on me, when you're not strong. And I'll be your friend; I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.

If there is a load, you have to bare, that you can't carry. I'm up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me. 📞 Call me, call me, if ya need a friend... call me, call me...♬♪♫" (Written by Bill Withers and sung by Al Green)

I'm here too; lean on me..

Sez xoxox