Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good Night, Deebi,

Just wishing you a good peaceful night sleep, with the best dreams imaginable, I feel slack tonight I can't think of a dream to put you in..😢😢. Im really sorry.

I'm staying with you tonight Deebi, your to precious to leave on your own. I'll sleep on the bean bag again tonight, that way I can hold tight to you..👀 I'm watching making sure your a good girl, 👀👀..some one got to,I'm not to sure you do look after yourself properly..I hope you do.

Close your eyes and sink into your recliner and do a full body scan with gentle breathing.. Good girl,

Im going to sleep now Deebi, but I'm with you there, believe that and feel the 💜💜💜 and the 🤗🤗🤗 and the 🐘 To remember always..

Nitety nites sweet friend, 💜🕊🕊.

Love and Care always deeply,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy👼. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 free fire tonight from Deendy🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🐉.

[demonblaster]

💜⚘💖🤝💡+💡+💡thoughts 💱 NEVER be sorry Grandy you blow my mind WOW! What you say and do. your loveh it goes deep 🤗

All of you ⚘ mean it 🤗 if you knew what a difference ur making

Atm yeah/nah up/down not mania. So hard to word feelings atm. frustration it drives ya nuts

You beautiful people G had a couple of helpful thoughts before. You guys are saving me.Mammoth Sorry but better tbh as much as po here resolves more 70% now have had quite a few thoughts only little contemplation promise thats all not going to but need to get them out again.90% will be my best resolve

Thinking of you psych & nurse tomoz xxx thanks telling me ☺ holding you hands Really tight all of you

If it go under 50% then we can worry just gotta process think get the head clear pfftt &very tired Grandy was several nights meds pain not long outta long BP down only got handful of happies but at least some and yes 2ish hrs sleep helped sarvo geez heading to 2am now oop not good 👱‍♀️honey love it ☺remembered your breathing info appreciated bout out releasing stress thought so too like leaving the body

Phooooey I'vg gotta lotta lotta work to do music emoji cant be bothered finding

Lot social coming up it'll help, high potential for mania too ^we need it^note for me

tablet gremlins takes long enough then fixing it up

Im reading EVERYTHING here over and do love you Grandy you really make me feel safe 🤗 been warding off anxiety blow outs with breathing so 1-5 cool

often before BP very restless more so in the mind need to escape get out get away from it's hard stress

Thx needed vent

🤗😙💑💱👀⚘🐘 me too

laughing can do, pull up and then blaghh but people contact help & here too biggly

hey Peps amazing post ..thank you 🤗 I've learnt l ot from you as wel.l

Thank you too dear Pam 🤗⚘Very nice gettin to know you as wel l here we're all having fun makin good mems pweddy🤗❤🤗 😊x

Grandy l👀k.lol

seeing support worker tomoz bbq. Come on tablet steals letters grr

Sapphire youre a sweety nice of you to call in 🤗 and supporting x

🤗💜 Start s my SLD darling thank you too.I fee guiltylike neglect you but usually catch up lot of thoughts tho. True

All of you please know how deeply grateful I am for EVERYTHING ⚘🐥💖

nite🤗 taken an age might be oopsy's even with proof reading

G loven the doves and ohhh cute as Deendy 🕊🤝 💑 God.. thanks you guys 💗😚😊🐉 coooo 🔥🔥☄🌟🌠

G sunrise WOW.. LOVED it all.. alll full stop.

[Ggrand]

Good Morning, Deebi 🦄

Hold on to us..Believe, you can..hope, find it, grab it, hug it, use it, love it..never let hope go, or never let us go 💜. Love you Deebi, Care for you Deebi,

Keep trying honey, your happies are there somewhere, we have to find them.. We will..

Depression, anxiety, sadness, like any other emotions they are temporary. No emotions last forever. You will move through this, remember it's a phase and its temporary. If you hang in there for a little bit longer, you will make it through, and it will be better on the other side of whatever it feels like your drowning in.

BELIEVE... that things will get better and you will pull up.believe you will get better.
HOPE......We don't know what's around the corner..

Hold

On

Pain

Ends.

Tough times don't last,, tough people do.
Sometimes our light goes out..but it is fanned again into an instant fire, by another human being....Albert Schweitzer..
Distract your thoughts, this is so very important. to distract is to think of the now, think on what you are doing now some things you could do are...read a book..listen to music...meditation...internet games...go for a walk...phone a friend, visit your neighbour or friend.
Distraction done with mindfulness is what we're aiming for. Total absorption of your. 1 - 5 of your senses to what your doing with your distraction

.Hope.....Many have come back up from here & found happiness. it CAN be done!

Believing we can make it. Imperative

Hope...For peace/happiness...learning emotional control

Hope....time... moves us in & out of situations

Hope....I believe we all have strength, it gets buried but it's still there.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘.always, never forget or question it.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy👼🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

I’m glad your party was a success by the sounds of things 🙂

It must be frustrating to have your movement so limited by your arm. Although I’m glad there are slight improvements though...I’m hoping for even more...

You clearly really connected with your psych. It would be fantastic if you could stick with her but I remember affordability was an issue.

Love, care and super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

Karen, your message to our Deebs is beautiful. Why ever do you often underestimate yourself, your abilities and your worth to others? Read back through that message and think on it as if someone wrote that to you. How do you feel? I know it will give Deebi hope and to realise how much you care for her. As we all do.

Deebs, I will likely not be around most of today. We have a scheduled blackout all day, so no computer, no phones, no TV, no music .. no distractions. Grrr. Thinking of you all day however and hoping you are finding some relief from pain, both emotional and physical.

Mandy

[demonblaster]

Grandy and you beautiful people hi 🤗😊

Thoughts for today sweets psych/Mh, shame they cant be separate then you'd have people contact twice on different days I know v.hard for you tho.Oh btw got 🎁 for you ..its a 🤗 ta daa

Thank you staying over Grandy what you say and do., Just hope one day you'll see your beauty what a truly incredible person you are,you radiate love. 🤗💗 Siren.. warning lol out comes deep insecurities again Grandy don't go please and this goes for you all wasn't 😢 till I went there,ok tho. Starts said once its ok to ask for help. That went in thanks hun, I mean it yous are helping more than you'll ever know with this army support THANK YOUs

Can't say this is, hang on soz ^mania for energy^ notes) exciting me halleh only tinsy pain on waking so maybe ifit oh boy tablets testing my patience I try not to let stress get me. Gotta starve beasty. doesnt flare again this bout oh god please no more within a mth might settle, hurting when I move around tho but slow improves I'll alarm for neck exercises keep forgetting

While I remember G maybe your friend you support in N.home might like to go to WBW Weetbix Willow and meet more people, think I spoke to her ages ago here but the thread didnt come up I dont think. Is there many people with her from here?

Right now I feel not too bad mentally but wrecked, bit headachy. Todays bbq 🦄 geez still cant remember where the emojis are takes an age, hate giving in, HA gotcha!

Atm I need to mainly stick here for a while for time to do more reading. back & absorb. Dont like not being there for others but will squiz if head stays ok

Have to think more to fully let it sink in but a 💡light or realisation not as much for an idea im using those. So this is exciting a bit more breakthrough Pauly would be pleased Grandy hes probs not here ☺, all good. So another towards liking myself more. Until I was 26 I believed I was stupid, NOT a good feeling you feel inferior then distinction in nursing I know now Im not. Hate when some people beasties crew "don't ya know that" yeah onya wouldnt be asking if I did! its a down whether sensitive or not! I realised its all these road blocks up there the Mh issues💡clues flash through so need to reiterate that to fully believe one GIANT step forward for man well chooky kind.. and the crowd roared geez I am too but havent fully convinced myself yet but will.Win👍

Breaky🚿back bed for couple if im lucky

Hope your days have light xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Special Friend,🦄.

Thank you for update..I will never leave you..never, I'm going to have to try and rid you of some insurcurities.💜💜..

This is just a quick message..I Have to leave very soon. Please look after yourself.. 🔥🔥 keep your fire burning 🐉 Dragons with you unlimited 🔥🔥🔥🔥..

Will be back later.....Deebi, please be a very good girl today, and go easy on yourself..

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘🦄🕊.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼🐉🕊

🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘

[PamelaR]

Morning Deebs

Thanks for updating. It's good to see how you're going.

Stay put. There are lots of others to squiz around to help and to support. Chill, put your feet up and relax. Although that maybe difficult with the BBQ.

Good to hear there's slow improvement with neck. HOPE this helps to sleep some more today.

❤️🤗🐝🦋🌹

[demonblaster]

Thank you my dear Pepstar as always you remain a loyal caring supportive friend 😚 if you don't want that kiss..duck and it'll float around in cyberspace and Grandy or Pammy can fight over it 🤗.. I'll video it, throw it on you tube 😆

Yeah party was neat and was in a hard place both MH/body it pained arm on PC (quicker) but took head away from Ouch and neat reading back lol's and meditation. Soz Peps (btw tablet naughty cant start new sentence)

Thanks peps ☺ yes $ a problem but hopefully can see her next time.The difference is only closer to $40 now recent mini hike which often I can't do.Troubles getting off durries this time again but will but still have to pay the whole amount b4 getting rebate. I need to see someone more often I know but shes excellent and knows my stuff wanna start on other stuff. Want to get diagnosis (clinical psych) for other MH OCD ?,PTSD,major depression, anxiety (I know through BP ?not sure other times) knew Ultra rapid cycling BP but not terminology or at what point it changes from rapid to that and dysphoria know I had/?have BIG touches of ODD in teens anyway and not sure if touch of Autism? I know BP affects ability to express, a niece with 4 Autistic and ADHD (imagine) boys, she said they can't express, I do better face on but remember as a teen being major frustration but could be the BP and sleep deprivation

Supers back atcha Peps hope you're getting through the exposure therapy I'd imagine its confronting but,great too for results. I will but haven't caught up on your or Starts threads for while going to read back more sometime and others too mostly sleeping atm when I can

Always take care Peps you're a real gem ☺🤗 🤗 extra cause I'm good like that x

[demonblaster]

Mandy8 said:

Karen, your message to our Deebs is beautiful. Why ever do you often underestimate yourself, your abilities and your worth to others? Read back through that message and think on it as if someone wrote that to you. How do you feel? I know it will give Deebi hope and to realise how much you care for her. As we all do.

Deebs, I will likely not be around most of today. We have a scheduled blackout all day, so no computer, no phones, no TV, no music .. no distractions. Grrr. Thinking of you all day however and hoping you are finding some relief from pain, both emotional and physical.

Mandy

Hiya darl yes my psych said once same as you're doing good wording btw "scheduled Black out" not sure but I think it was to try and calm mania and I do it quite often.

I 👀 reverse psychology works.. a lot.

🤗 thank you lovely lady 🤗 I hope you're managing better I might have worked a better way to manage threads and going to talk about that sometime but have'nt caught up yet or read back again, like to refresh memory. Have a lot of bits I want to do here but this damn arms preventing me using Pc which is easier so I can take notes like Grandy does and poems meditation etc

Many thanks dropping by hun and for all of your time 🤗😚

Pammy 🤗😚 gave you a kiss too if that's ok don't want any jealousy happening 🤣

Thank you darl lol feet up at bbq, was really good 17 today ohhh one sweety we sang H.birtday, easy to see she's VERY fragile really nice, the dear thing started crying ohh and her adorable support worker and a few of us hugged her. Moving moment. Oh sharing the love, got a lot of hugging happening there YEAH. Lovely bunch of bananas so had good sleep woke 7pm dazed remembered a birthday party good on me.. walked to pub.. wrong place LOL courtesy bus to right one. Was good but a lady I met tonight was very negative nice enough but when I spoke later to friends realised probs depression actually gave me 💡moment its all learning, I mostly do make effort to be usual up beat or ok round peeps though

Thanks re others ,Yeah I need to not. feel compelled to reply straight away but don't want them feeling ignored or for too long & easier to stay on top of threads

Arm going better UNTIL sarvo sleep again must've slept wrong the Mutt still bit upset couldn't med Grandy cause I'm a good 👱‍♀️ looking after myself 😚🏅

Thanks hun re WBW last post & co-host thats great cause if one of us are struggling some one there to keep it flowing

🤗😚