Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful DB and all,

You seem to be having a really rough time...

I really hope things change soon...

Also thank you so much for setting up the party room 🙂 Sorry I couldn’t be there but it sounds like a lot of people had a wonderful time.

I think you bring so much light, love and inclusiveness to the forums. You’re a beautiful person...

Double super soul hugs for this time of need.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning, My super special beautiful friend Deebi🦄.

Please be okay.💜.

I watched the sunrise this morning thinking of you, I still haven't seen a complete sunset 🌅, but I don't think that is as important as a sunrise 🌅. They way I see it, the day ends the way it went...But a sunrise is the brand new start of a brand new day, and that new day is the brand new start to what could be a very special and unique day, because it's our day, every single living thing on earth get this new day, yet for everyone/everything it's a completely different day to do with it what we want to. So it's only one day, but ithat one day today will be billions of different days..How unique is that Deebi 🦄.

I hope you are a little better then yesterday, Sleep all you can, get your 🔥 glowing and I'll fan it for you, make it into a huge Bon fire. Do the opposite of what beasty tells you to. Love you honey 💜..Your strong, 💪 stronger then you know, your Demonblaster 🔫 although I think that's pointing the wrong way, Come on Deebi, balance up the scale ⚖️. Use your 🔥 and my 🔥, you can do it honey. I know you can..I believe in you.

please know that I love and care for you sweetheart, I'm here always, I've grabbed hold of you and I'm holding you up until you can, hold my hands tightly, I have you Deebi, my wings are powerful they will protect you.. I'm here , just know that.. Remember 🐘 That I'm always here, 👂 and 👀 out for you.. 💜🦄🔥👼🤗🦄👼🔥..together anything is possible.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗🐘 love and Care.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 👼🦄.

[Guest8901]

Deebs, please take all the time you need to sort out that head of yours.

Just know that there are so very many people here wishing you well and remaining deeply concerned for you.

Whenever you can I, and no doubt everyone here, would appreciate a quick post from you, just to let us know you're okay. But other than that, please do not concern yourself with anything else around here. Its time for you now, so please take the time you need.

Sending kind thoughts and healing vibes your way. Soon ... I hope. Big hug to you.

Mandy

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebs

Sending you all the healing vibes, love and hugs your way. Take as long as you need to sort your head out. Be kind to yourself. We'll all be here when you return.

Love and care

PamelaR

[Sapphire_]

Hello Deebee.

Im here with you also. Seems you have an army here to support you ❤

B gentle with yourself today.

❤❤Sapphire

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im still sitting with you special lady. xx..

Always.💜.💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗+🐘= Love and Care forever.+ 🐘 Not to forget..xx

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼

[demonblaster]

Completely understand ☺ Soz. had part of a post you know, then deleted it 🤤 🔮GEEZ scaryy took ages intermittently stirred arm on pc but easier only did one

Down but not out as long as beasty racks off for a bit, bent & always wary with back thats usually how it goes out was sitting for bit from walk at no great strides either think an ant over took me and it nearly went HOLY was close seems ok

Its been/is rough couple mths arms slightly improving just cant do much.. at all and it starts wipes ya over it BP this head too much too often REALLY dont wanna change psychs shes fantastic doors are closing but others open eventually got an idea I'l l toss around HAVE to sort head sooner than later

I'll be ok ☺ thank you all for caring. Very comforting

Please Mandy 🤗Grandy Pepstar &Pam yes I've known those guys for a bit and wasam in the process of getting to know the others. a couple I've known longercould you tell the army of beautiful people thank them &you guys for the care & concern the BP's are the worst to hack cant say on this thread but understood something you said Pam💖 on Mandys thread couple days ago poor thing 🤗 howvterrifying

Have to but a bit creeped bout a nanny nap yesterday or before woke in bad shape

Peps thank you always darlin was goin to invite you but remembered you're time ouyt from forums x 🤗 🤗 back☺🙋‍♀️⚘

Grandy 🤝💖👀 LOL 🔫pointing wrong way you crack me up Thanks so much for your loving amazing posts and continuing support want to reply I know you're not fazed but I am 😚👂

Peps/Pam thank you both re Weetbix W 😊 good fun. Feel stink if I dont answer I know yous are good at reading between the lines and yous know that I do fair bit with you too to see if you're in deeper bloody heads SO erratic often fogged & sometimes it just stops so I miss things its a slowww llearning process for me other times 💡 getting there 👂back more so 😚Never wasted time and effort if theres learning aye,

Not sure what to do nearly rang bb rare yesterday couldnt say everything oh& read your excellent posts G 💖🦄yeah did couple of the things you said safe/controlled just needed to cover pain self cared good👱‍♀️ rang 💊 hotline she was excellent couldnt take med chose grog was careful x promise 🐥sucking up lol

ALL of you of you make a difference mean it! Oh this took a lonng time going 🛏

Thank you from 💖🤗

[PamelaR]

Really good to hear from you Deebi. 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄.

Awe honey, I cried 😢 when I read how much pain your in arm/back and from beasty ☠️ and disc, My heart 💜 goes out to you..really Deebi it not suppose to be like that..and it's so unfair..I'm really sorry.😢

Please be okay Deebi 🐘💜. BP downs hit hard and fast Deebi, I know I've been there before, it only took one night of no sleep mixed with the pain to knock you down, but we're here Deebi, we'll pull you up and out.. Please sleep as much as you can as well as being mindful to your arm..

Deebi...I'm sad for you,crying 😢 it hurts when someone we love 💜 is hurting..so wished I could help.. I want to say more to try and get you out of the hell place your in.. but my words are all blocked up..hate that Deebi, h I will be bbl. I hope , I want to. finish I need to help you..your very important to me. Love you deeply.🐘..

I need to come back tonight because, I have Mental Health Nurse 9am tomorrow, then Vinnies , then 3pm Psych appointment. I really don't want to go..

.I know after these two visits, I will be struggling again, they make me see who I was back then and I just dislike me so much, that it really hurts me deep that I could let that happen.....sorry honey but they do...I just hide in my head.....I WISH so much that all this pain will go away...yours, everyone's. It's so unfair..

Im sitting here with you Deebi, I hope you are ok maybe I can give you a little rainbow 🌈 and some ✨ stars, to give you a little light into your soul. 🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊 six peace doves, to give you peace. Oh wow look Deebi, I found a Dragon 🐉 she has our fire Deebi, we will never run out of 🔥 now. (Deendy" our dragons name. there she blows when we need fire 🔥 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👼👼🐉..

I'm 👀 you, holding 🤝 and listening 👂 to you and 👂 for you.. I'm concerned/worried for you,, I keep telling myself your strong.. Yell at [IT]. Be okay please Deebi.. love you.

💜💜💜🦄🤗🤗🤗+🐘, always.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy 👼...

My wish for you and everyone here is peace..🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

[startingnew]

SL xoxoxo big hugs xoxox