Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hiya our beautiful Pepstar 🤗 (early treat)

Geez I'm raving on about Grandy and mean every bit as I do you amazing people here too, we've known eachother a few mths now and you've been a solid hun. I deeply appreciate you too Pepsicola soz darl amusing myself.

Yes got some 💤 yesterday and going to go for a couple more soon at this stage taking what I can. Been listening to your self care I dont think I can drag myself from here but there may be odd times I cant get here but self care kinda moreso pain gettin me up but could go back bed b4 I do sometimes but getting better at stopping main time here earlier and just quick checks later quick post or two.

Eventually I'll get something sorted it fills the emptiness at nights. Realised recently I'm still grieving, through the worst but pain and more realisations hitting but ok just still hurting he was beautiful. The world needs more of him 😢Going to stay at friends places more regularly, its good catch ups and a few its been procrastinating not doing so will

Thanks Peps my love use to say I have a high pain tolerance on my multitude of excruciating back outs it was agony but I try not to let it out in anger dunno I was feeling every ounce of pain unbelievable. I think the pains so intense you can only focus on getting through it. Same with this rot. The body got abused nursing hard yakka but LOVED it. Lovely of you to say 🤗 woesa you're a bit spoilt today 😚

I'm catching up one thread at a time have been to yours but think I've got a way to go think it was getting late hope your new jobs going well and I heard somewhere you're up to 6th level with your exposure therapy well done ☺I imagine you'd probs have to go back through it with everything else goin on in your life. Here for you too sweets 🤗oh another must be a special on em 😄 that ones cute aye

Absolutely amazing people here I feel honoured they give me their time and effort Peps I rave about here. The bomb and all the behind the scenes peeps it's a very well oiled machine. Grandy yeah she's ok I spose 😅

Love and WHAT! You want MORE hugs! 🤣

Thank you sweet soul you're a gentle caring one our Peps ☺alright there ya go 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

Hey my darling treasure

time with you's a pleasure

If you were to leave me later

In my life you'd leave a crater

Something to you I've told

Is your soul radiates Gold

So deeply for you I care

I'd hate you not being near

for your love to me I thank you

And mine for you is true ⚘

💜

Thanks for your care G 🦄 ..all of you 🤗😚honestly yous are amazing 💗 Was better this morning, pain but not as hard same as in bed first up. Walked then the mutt stirs up as soon as I do anything and now littles but can hack

Yeah there's a reason for everything for sure and funny thing I don't know why lol but there is we just don't always know or realise why things happen.

I did a whack of night workk, graveyard shift bit nursing, lot in hospitality different places it whacks the sleep. I've noticed its common with MI which makes sense it affects our sleep so greatly and plays with our quiet minds often alone or night time.

They reckon we need at least 4hrs (pffttt some people THINK they can hack that, volatile as) hope you get more in day hun, think I'll nod in chair still v.tired.

You make me happy Grandy not just saying this so do the other beautifuls here yous are serious magic

From my heart I really mean it. THANK YOU

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Love you biggly Grandy lady 🦄💗👀👂🤝💜😚☺

[PamelaR]

Hello Deeb

Pleased you've had some good sleep!! You're so supportive and caring of everyone dear Deebs.

Your arm and shoulder pain sounds excruiating. Ugh, have no idea what it would be like but sending you all good vibes. How did the cold pack go? Did it help to relieve some of the pain? I know ice is reduced for pain management.It sounds strange but I think it is supposed to help.

Looking forward to Monday night's party. How about you?

I didn't get much sleep last night, and went out at 6.00am and returned home by 1pm. Have slept a little this arvo. My sleepless nights are odd. Last night it was restless legs.... Nothing you can do about those. But my day, even though my eyelids kept closing was good. Met up with friends to do some walking and looking at birds.

Have a good night.... I can sit with you if you are in too much pain.

Kind regards

Pammy

[startingnew]

DB big hugs, im sorry im not really good on words atm but know you have my support xoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey Pammy was thinking hadnt seen you for a bit 🤗 I don't just mean here you poor thing sounds like you've got stuff goin on. Partner had sleep apnoea, in my episodes cause I was awake hrs upon hrs I'd massage his head while he was sleeping and tap his side use to settle the legs. It'd be exhausting its like he was doing a hike most of the night.

Hey you didn't upset me hun I read in Sez's nah I may have got names wrong I know its hard with sensitive people what to say of course worse in episodes or tired nah you'd never upset me you're lovely and tender too 😚

Thanks yeah meant to try cold pack again today will now its not terrible but pain woke me I actually went bed 8.30pm thought it'd at least be 12pm. Hopes it'll settle in chair.

Turned down offer to stay at friends tonight inadvertently but tired so for the best.

Yeah ditto looking forward to Monday loving the stuff going up there.

Yikes gunna do cold pack thanks calling in hun 🤗

Starts darling thank you I read but was soo tired coming over in a tic huns 🤗

Grandy 🦄🤗

[PamelaR]

Thank you dear Deeb. Was a little concerned but glad all good. 🤗😗

Off too bed soon. Very tired.

Hope you sleep okay in the chair.

🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you so very much for your beautiful poem, I'll rewrite it into my special journal. Its a treasure Deebi, 🤗

Did the ice pack end up working,? Sorry just curious.

We have to think of a way to steady your arm/ shoulder while you walk, although I think it's the shoulder pain radiating through your arm..I hope it eases soon. I know I keep saying that but I meant it.

You are so right about mind fights at night, There the pits, usually I'm up unti 3-4am used to lay here not sleeping, now I keep busy until my eyes are droopy then I'll sleep until I wake up.

You/we do have amazing special people here, helping, suggesting just talking its so good, knowing people care, you all care.

Ditto, Deebi, love our time and friendship. Gold..

Love you Deebi🦄.

Care deeply Everyone,

(L&C).

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Hi darl glad you like it

Hard to know with ice pack it kinda seems to stir the shoulder but that could just be the oressure on it. Yeah doc said heat packs I'd guess for muscle relax and its all coming from pinched or compressed nerve in neck its in my hand a bit atm and down forearm hasn mainly zoned in on upper arm think I'll read not write and go back bed soon.

Thanks Grandy 🤗 hope you get good sleep when your eyes droop 👀🦄

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

just be careful, I really don't want you in so much pain.

Ummm can you stick your sore arm down the side of your jeans/trousers etc, maybe it will stabilise it just enough to stop to much movement.. not sure just thinking..

if Dr said warm, yeah maybe warm better,

Take it easy on yourselves with movement..Please..pain well to much will bring you down..Please be okay, honey.

Im here always if you want to chat.

Thank you for holding me Deebi, sad day but I'm okay, and your kind warm words. I took them in and they warmed me up today..

.umm fortunately/unfortunately geez, I'm in need of tim tams to keep my energy up lol loving it and you being there and Pammy, Amanda.

Love you Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Fortunately I'm lol there, halarious good fun aye, so happy when someone else has written 😄 Neat seeing humour come out aye esp here. I usually laugh when around people or general chit chat. I do get a fair bit of outs at times with various ones couldn't do this head for to long suffer more when in depression or don't see someone for ages but that's another part I have to be more pro active towards & going to near future, the to do list is growing and from reading here in the past I've learnt a lot how to not get overwhelmed.

Sooooo that's the go
at least for the mo
it'lll all take some time
that's it for this wee rhyme

.Loved Sez's post in SLD thread so going to do but not tonight, managed only an hour today Zzz's better than nothing, big week coming

So I'll do the positives posting but REALLY need to vent here obviously for support but also to let it out to people that understand, not so much here but other ph support call a bloke was horrendous wow he needed the sack on the spot, full on grieving/BP he was just WRONG in that capacity. Mongrel and some others it's like being brushed off at times I get they're soo busy but I will ring in the hardest or even the hards in future Most are lovely though, reaching out's humungous then to be rejected and in the past I realized it was more often than a couple times I've been majorly rejected pftt

Just finished flluffíng, around with info on spider womans lol thread re C-PTSD for diagnosis when I next see them, so grateful she put that up, she fits it all poor sweet. I fit 13 outta 17 a few were .5 rather not complete Yes, so guess there's a strong possibility not sure where it originated cause a lot of stuff started in childhood with great parents, Mum and I clashed later yrs, she was a beautiful lady and great Mum I honestly don't think I would've put up with me moreso in teens but hard kid full stop. Turd to be kind but to be fair apart from good times too though undiagnosed BP and god knows what else then too.Will research not sure when

Dear Grandy you're sooo welcome, you're a very strong brave lady.
Love you very much hun (hugz galore) thoughts often 🙂
Thanks for coming xx