Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I remember ringing a ph lifeline once way back, I was hurting both physically and emotionally and the help I received was none...They talked for 5 minutes then I decided they were doing me more harm then good so I ended the conversation. The people on the other end are supposed to be trained phone councillors, I really doubt it back then, Recently I rang lifeline about 4 months ago, I couldn't get through, geez I was on hold for over 15 minutes, I hung up. The same day I rang here BB a 1800 number, wow Deebi, the man I spoke to sooo caring, he kept me here, I've rang that number as recently as 2 months ago, different person but just as caring, I can't say good enough for BB 1800 number, If you reach out to a ph counciling service it's because it's the last option, before Why not.

Yes I read that on Amanda's thread, I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD, it's something I don't want it's not a good thing to have, it can be a living hell at times of triggers, sometimes I relive the episode with full feeling and emotions, it's so bad Deebi, takes you to unknown depths, frightening really..Sez is trying to help me in this area..Shh don't tell Sara, I was a little afraid of her, but now I am okay... ( I think),. I feel sorry for anyone with C-PTSD..mix this with Major Anxiety/Depression/BP2. Yeah...not good.I don't wish it on anyone.....But I have you in my corner, so I'll be okay..

I admire you doing research, I can't concentrate long enough to be able to..I read through posts and learn, some really good helpful posts in the forums. Here Deebi is awesome, I love being here, talking to people, listening and occasionally try to help..But I get scared to post sometimes in case I hurt someone.. You're very good with your words, you help people, you connect to people, people like/love you....You have confidence in yourself, that's so important to have..

Deebi, My wish for you tonight honey is that you have a deep pain free sleep and magical peaceful dreams.

Love you very much as well. xx. (hugs back to you).

Your very special.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Grandy. xxx

[demonblaster]

That's apalling Grandy and it's at the worst times aye. I don't doubt here are good, can't remember if I rang here, what I failed to mention is the majority of times not been that many though I should have rang a multitude of times really is majority have been good, if they're anything like how they run this site they'd top the lot. Couldn't get over how lovely the RN was and I didn't bring anything up with the medicine line she asked stuff and wow she was amazing made me feel a bit brighter knowing there's people out there that really care, very suited to nursing, shames she's doing an important job but not in bedside nursing. I thanked and told her.

ALways lovely to chat with you 🙂 thank you so much for your time and caring about me like you do. It means so much. We have a lot in common including MH issues. I did a LOT of research with BP but have so far done as you do learnt a lot from threads here but will be researching, have a lot on my todo list atm and it's growing but not going to let it stress me I read here somewhere to pace it I think Starts or Peps said one time.

Hope you're ok Grandy, don't want to make you think more so I won't go on but know how much I care so deeply about you and want you to be ok lady and I've always believed you will make it cause you want to and willing to try anything. You're way strong lady.
Ditto concentration, I have my moments but unfortunately lol that's so fun lol they're getting less and less.

Arms improving and I've been continuing with cold packs too but don't know if they're helping but not adverse at all. Thanks you touched me looking into that ya sweety.

No lovey I'm expletive house lol at words and expressing, I don't feel at all confident at posting to newbies, sometimes I read back and think yeah that was better but the boo boos have been mega and I can't forget them, tearing up thinking about them. GOD! what was I thinking actually wasn't well was but not enough. Thank god they didn't go through. Ashamed. But thanks G for your vote of confidence

Still waking in pain but less severe so we'll see how she blows and whacko on PC and no majors. Talking of I've got some big probs that friend is working on at times and blowed if I know what I can do about the other stuff, well there is something I did but too bloody late. No point worrying but it is an issue. Grrrr

cya hun you too have a really good sleep, cya at Weetbix tomoz xx

[Ggrand]

Dearest sweetest Deebi🦄.

💜 always deeply.

🤝 super glued together.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 special gift from special bestie.

Im okay and love you deeply.

Goodnight..xx cya tomorrow.

Grandy.

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebi (wave to Grandy)

I've been to the WW party function room (now do I have that name right??) and left a post, but it ain't come through yet. I probably put some words in that set the alarm bells off.

Anyway, I am pleased to hear your arm is settling a little Deebi. However, I'm sorry you were treated like that by the phone support call person. Makes things hard for you.

As Grandy said though BB phone support is good.

Looking forward to tomorrow's fun.

Going to sleep now. Bye all

[demonblaster]

Ohh girls thank you for your beautiful messages

😭 ohh I'm so sorry today its 4am was going to be and will later I hope be a good positive post ohh god the pains wicked crying heres a distraction TV's on low too I know now the worst is laying on R) side its the shot pain and making it go down arm into hand its bloody cruel I'm scared to have needle but this is close to first and second time pain cant stop crying didnt need sleeper last night but been still waking early with less than this. God it's relentless, pills.

Sorry been trying not to prattle much more and is/was settling damn it.

Thats half my day botched. If it continues going to wreck other plans too

At least apart from crying mentally good

[demonblaster]

Just a quicky pains a dull roar now have to hit the hay pills I don't like taking and getting sweats up not good feeling.

I'll consider needle if this happens too often but first will try chair sleeping if need be.

After 5am now

Nigh nite

Excited to put positive post up today sometime 😴

[Ggrand]

Awe Deebi,

Im so very sorry, Please be okay..

Im sitting with hun, I will stay until you sleep..

Love you,

L&bc).

Grandy xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Oh no, your pain really flared up last night/early this morning. It sounds absolutely excrutiating especially as I know you have a high pain tolerance so the fact that you were in tears over it, speaks volumes about the pain intensity. I’m glad it returned to a dull roar. Hopefully you managed a little sleep...

Your late love was a beautiful man. Of course you miss him. Sometimes I feel you don’t ever stop missing people who have departed. It’s like having a gaping hole in your heart.

About self care, I feel it’s very personal. What suits one person may be completely unhelpful to another person. So your self care might look different to mine, for example. Some people might like to read a book to unwind whereas another person might prefer intense exercise, for example.

How caring...Thank you gratefully for the well wishes 🙂 Um, I’m not sure where you got the level 6 from but I’m definitely nowhere near level 6 in ET. Lol. I appreciate your confidence in me though. My job is going okay but I also have other commitments, and managing everything can be tricky sometimes. Thanks for asking ❤️

Your comment about how I want “more hugs” amused me...

On that note, have some (more) super soul hugs on me

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello, Deebi,

Please be careful today, if your in too much pain, Please be a good girl and let your shoulder, arm, hand, and fingers rest...Please don't type dance to much.

Love you Deebi, Care for you first, please be ok,

Love & Care

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, 🦄

Your very quiet today, Are you okay, hun?

Love &Care..

Grandy.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩