Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[ecomama]

Hey DB, thankyou for the post. It's lovely to be back. 

Thanks mmMeKitty about the tip but my "Your discussions" currently only has MY threads, none that I've clicked "follow" for.... 

BUT I FOUND SOMETHING and couldn't wait to share it with you all here.... 
You can click on the person's username at the top of their post (anywhere I hope) and it takes you to all THEIR Threads... 

Is that what you just said Kitty? Gosh sorry if it is. My mind thinks in it's own other worldly way. 

Not that what I / we said helps if you've already lost threads anyway.... 

Anyhoo lol.... battling along! 

I need a BATH. Ugh this rain and the MUD... my gum boots are getting an honest workout this year. I don't think my work boots for the garden have been dry in months uggh.. they'll probably go mouldy like everything else here, yay lol. 

Love to you all, it's such a sweet thread here DB with the sweetest people sharing, 

EM

[demonblaster]

Hey there my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and oh lovely ones here and in cyberspace ...where on earth have the stars gone...hang about I'll just grab my glasses...🤓..."ahh there you all are" romper bomper stomper boo...oops lost the plot for a bit... but found the stars ✨ that's cyberspace or maybe ...nope can't find anything else.

Grandy sorry lovey I meant to say how lovely and thoughtful the omg I'm dribbling choccy cake you made for work was. Such a lovely thing to do. I quite enjoy baking and if I can find it oh really hope so thinking to bake some easy well bit of work but absolute yum slices for the upcoming BV event maybe to raise $ as well. Have a recipe thats v.nice for a boiled choccy cake but haven't done that but have from others who have. Moist and what can I say it beats the Candle choccy 😂 I too laugh often about our fun. Plenty more to come sweety. A bonus is ☺ happiness & 😂 scares beasty sooky la la away. 

Grandy you know I ALWAYS love seeing you dear friend. Thank you for popping in, hope you enjoyed the oh so fattening zilcho calorie ...See I'm allowed to contradict myself...tis a virtual cake...and the flavour of the month is...🥁....Rainbow 🌈 to go with the icing laced with edible pearls and bet youse can't guess what's in the middle...

Not in mania struth loathe saying I hope not cause just hopefully slowly recovering. Phoo been rough in patches but every good sleep builds towards recovery and beasties scared of us when we're our strongest. Go on choof. Still some hard patches but coming good slowly, think a turtle 🐢 would get there quicker.

Thanks Grandz I'm working on getting the word out there just waiting for email with the details. Soon hoping. 

Hope you're in a good place dear lovey. You da best don't ya know 🌈✨💫🎂🍨🤸‍♀️ just doin my before beddy byes excercises 

Deepest love endless thoughts Grandz 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝

Eco thanks lovey good seeing you too ☺ probs out of room and the exercise tired me out cyaz soon 😴

Nigh nite good folk ☺🤗💗

[mmMekitty]

Oh, I know now, Em, you were typing something to post here, but somehow you lost what you were typing?

I have lost something I wanted to post, & realised if I immediately begin to rply again, opening up the text field again, there will be a notice above the text field, which tells you, you  have auto-saved content Load or Discard. The word 'Load' does not appear to be a link, but, if you click/tap that, the text you were just typing & lost will appear. 

I've done this a few times now, so I'm quite sure this will work when you next lose the post you were typing. (& just did it again!)

Sorry I didn't understand what had happened. Hope I got this right now.😸

💖💖

& DB💖💖💖, & Grandy, 💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hi Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and your beautiful supporters…..🤗hugs ..

Deebi, I have never heard of a boiled chocolate cake…I can only imagine how soft and moist it must be…I used to bake a lot of cakes before, now I feel meh about cooking them..,so I thought to myself…maybe once a month I’ll cook up some cakes or scones and take into work and have for morning tea with the other ladies….hmmm Positive thoughts…now all I need to do is to utilise them..once a month 😂..

Oh yeah..the chocolate candle 😂😂😂….we have really had some fun times, between our depressive times….must start going out more together my dearest friend…I know!….to get the cob webs outta our 🏍💨💨 and 🚜💨💨…let’s race each other around the BB Café 😁…

You will get there bbff, plenty of quality sleep, gentle walks, plenty’s of fresh water..oh..oh…don’t forget lots of fruit as well….I got 9 oranges this year of my tree…they were just like I like them…a bit sour…I like sour fruit and sour lollies…

Hope so much your doing okay bbff….and taking good care of you…The stars are so much more sparkling and brilliant in Winter….Do you want to join me this weekend, we can sit on my front veranda with a Khaula, Tia Maria, some salty chips, peanuts, dips and crackers…and we can try to find the brightest star….we may even get lucky and see a shooting star….
Everyone is invited….I might even build a fire pit 🔥for the weekend.🔥😁..and throw in some potatoes and pumpkins wrapped in foil into the fire pit 🥔 🎃….yummy!

Stay strong my bbff…eternal love…with my care….and a few hugs…💙🌹🧸🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB, please excuse me, but this is where EM has a post I want to answer.

EM, you can find a list of posts you've been posting to when you look in your own profile page. To do thclick/tap your name near your own picture where you have posted, or click/tap your picture up near the top right corner, then click/tap 'Profile'. 

Notifications, which is the little blue bell shape - that's what I guess it is, near the top right as well, will also bring up some Discussions you've posted to.

While we can now easily go to the profile page of others, I have noticed, many people are feeling uncomfortable, to say the least, about this new feature.

Yes, DB, to take advantage of the auto-save feature, you do have to return to the post you were replying to, before replying to any other posts. 

Hope you & yours are all enjoying the day.

& that stars are easily seen tonight. 😺

💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB, yep, just saying "Hi" & "how are you? & to offer a purry kitty hug if you would like, before bed. Sleep well, happy dreams...

💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty 

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩…..and everyone…🤗..

Debbi, honey are you okay?…..

Just checking in on my bbff….it’s okay, if I’m a bit concerned because we are besties….well better then besties….really….but in asking you RUOK.?….as much as I would love to hear from you…I must say, their is no pressure at all to reply to me…..

Please look after you the best you can….both your body and mind….Remember Deebi, that you can talk to me about anything you feel to….I’m always here for you….missing you..

Eternal soul hugs bbff…with everlasting care and gentle bear hugs..🌹🦋💕💙🐓🦜🌴🧸🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌴

[demonblaster]

Hi Kit's 🐺 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Eco eco 😅 and everyone

Thanks Kits yes I'd love a big hug graciously received. 

This has been a particularly v.hard often &  long episode of pfftt mh. I put most down to the exercises I was doing , wow couldnt muster energy or desire and need to try and get out of this. Still slowly easing back in to it all (exercises. Just gunna have to wait longer for the op. Thats fine. Mh has to come first. 

Some times have been very productive esp bits of housework Mr 😍 helps too which is great. Precious love he is 

Taken a load of pressure off myself for the BV thingy going to do it on a smaller but hopefully good scale and will cost a lot less. 

SO hard doing things or expressing myself etc in poor mh. Memory ...can't remember where it is 😄

Completely worn out but apart from lately quite a lot of blubbering 😭 which in hards lately not as much I might go for a swim in it 👙 HA...as if 😅

Have a chest infection but seems not too bad. 

Thanks lovely people. I'm holding back here a little for other reasons and till these get sorted (forums) but not been up to much either. 

Sections have been ok but wow goin too long this mongrel. 

Cyaz always many thanks for your support/friendship and love 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗🕊🐺🤗 thoughts often ☺

[demonblaster]

Hi my gorjy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Awe so glad I found this I saw just as I posted you'd posted and it took ages finding it cause I turned 9ff some I thought notifications but want to keep ours and Hannah Pawsy and some others too but was getting ones from threads I dont follow btw Kitty if you're reading hun I hadnt followed those and cant stop them grr. 

Sometime I'll go back to wolfys tips and see how to stop those ones. And turn back on notifications with email. 

Sigh it's been very hard hun. Thank you for caring loving and being so amazing. There's things I'd love to talk to you about but...😢 nothing ott and it's all same old rot but still find it v.hard to post in hards tho I really want to and when I do it still can take literally hrs for just one post. 

Definately going to ease back into exercise I reckon that was why this has been so bloody horrendous but good I'm pulling out at times too. Big relief but geez as you onow it's SO damned hard. 

Really love you oh and another thing I too imagine is us yakking texting on the phone. You are cemented in my heart dear lady. Absolutely the deepest yes better than besties we're sss too 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝💫🤗

Oh bit better mentally this arvo. 

Bit stressy anxious about BV  thingy but feeling more achievable this new way if I can secure the important part for it to happen. Near impossible getting things done in downs but starting to. It's major important to achieve but my best will be ok if it's a fail. Not thinking it will so much now but...

Shoers have been sporadic but here and there. Ok other times tho. Think I'm coming out of this beast huh and still standing even laughs at times in hards so bite that beasty brat! 

You ok hun? 

Nigh nite gorjy love ☺🤗 thanks Grandz you really mean the world to me and I know to others too🕊⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Deebi…🤗💕..

How are you feeling my bbff…both physically and mentally…

Sorry I haven’t been to visit you much the last couple of weeks…but honestly have been thinking daily of you……I can’t get that warmth I felt in the forums, like I used to…Before everyone I chatted/supported was always within sight…but now I have to go looking for them, I have decided the easiest way to find the treads I want and people I want to talk to…is through the search button….that’s how I found you today….

I so much hope you’re doing okay as well as Mr Deebi…you both have a special place in my heart 4eva…💙💕💙💫👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋…I am a bit afraid of you leaving these forums…No pressure honey….but without here, I will not be able to talk to you…I always hold onto hope that one day we will find each other in r/l…..miracles do happen…please believe that and don’t loose your hope for anything in r/l to happen….

Mentally I’m struggling with my confidence and worthiness at work…my voice and myself are invisible to my co-workers….will talk on mine later when I feel up to it….Right now..,I am concerned about how your feeling and if your doing okay…..

I think I know the BV thingy your talking about…if it’s what I’m thinking it is…you will do okay…I have so much belief in you….I wish you could also have belief and faith in your beautiful self….

Never asked when you moved into your new place, if you had a balcony that you could sit outside on…I do hope so…sometimes we need to be somewhere where we can see and hear things outside of the four walls we live in…..Oh, the owner of the property across the road from me…,took away all the cows again….I am missing them 😢…

Please Be Always Okay..my bestest and only bbff….sending you my love, lots of care and warm hugs..,I will press the eject button 🔅on our golden string immediately …they should arrive in a around 1.8769sec…. 💫🔅➡️➡️➡️💫💫💙🌹🧸🤗🔅…

Big love to you my bbff…💙🦋…4 EVA..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌿🌿🌳..