Surviving: Being in a better place

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

 

4,867 Replies 4,867

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Always here for you dearest bbff...Been a bit slack though..just having one thing after the other pop up here and their which is totally confusing for me....That said your Always each day in my thoughts....Oh didn’t I tell you..that we are super glued and there’s no way to unglue it.💚😁💚

My feet are fine now...and are back to normal..pheew..was a bit worried there...No more mowing in thongs😁...lesson learnt...

You have had a terrible time with your physical health for a long time now..and I’m truely sorry...Are you eating healthy foods?...drinking plenty of water?...

Sleep as we know is best in recovery...So dear precious friend..Sleep as much as you need to..I’m never far away from you in my heart and spirit..I’m sitting next to you..

A few days ago..on Tuesday before I left for work I tried to find Ebony so I could put her inside to open my gates..I couldn’t find her anywhere..I knew she was under the house but she totally ignored me...I opened the gate hoping she wouldn’t un outside of it...nope she didn’t show herself..I came back inside to let Kya out..still no Ebony..Said do you want a lolly (smacko)...still no Ebony..I went to work without saying good bye to her....

When I got home she was their to greet me...She was absolutely covered in this sticky weed seeds..so bad that one of her eyes had the fur over it with sticky weed seeds and it wouldn’t open...No rest for me..poor fur baby..I had to give her a hair cut...and it had to be a crew cut...to get all the sticky weed seed out of her fur..took around an hour.. she is beautiful again... uneven crew cut and all...Honestly I think my fur girls are harder to raise and look after then my children 😂😂😂..

Just thought I would share with you...a little distraction for you reading it...

Awe Deebi...I’m scared about if you don’t get anywhere to live...I have a room here that your very welcome to...and the run of my home as well.....Will Mr. Deebi let you stay at his until you find something?..

Love you sweet girl...💚🦋🕊🧸🤗...4 eva SSS ..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

Croix
Community Champion

Dear D:, wiht a warm wave to Grandy~

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before, and it might not apply, however you never know.

When my back became more than I could bear either Mrs C or I would call an ambulance.

Now in my state they come issued wiht square wheels, and concrete for the cradle to hold you, pus no lateral support so one tends to rise up and then fall back on every corner.

This exacerbates the condition and I'm in a significantly worse state than before I started. Why not use my car you ask, with Mrs C at the helm. The sad fact us that if you arrive as A&E via ambulance you get in a lot quicker, even with ambulance stacking.

It eventually dawned on everyone that whenever I arrived I was always given the same meds, and held for around 8 hours, with repeated tailing off doses as things went along. Those meds did in fact do the trick, 3 different sots of pain killer pus a muscle relaxant. Eventually a doctor in A&E said take this med pack and use it (under an other's supervision) rather than coming into A&E.

I saw my GP who said "that ought to fix it" with a grin and from then on I've used these meds at home rather than after an, ambulance ride. My son is a nurse in A&E anyway.

It has significantly improved my lot. It is quick -as they are effective -and there is no spine crunching ambulance ride.

I consider I'm privileged to be entrusted with these meds, which are on prescription and restricted, so far it has worked out and I'm pain level acceptable in 4 hours or less. It's important to be supervised so I do not get confused and get the dosage wrong or have something adverse happen.

As I see my GP and others quite often any change in my other medication or physical state has a bearing if this arrangement will continue (flippers crossed it does). This has been going for years so far.

I've no idea if this is in any way applicable to your pain, but at least it might point out there are sometimes multiple ways of getting results.

Croix

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 & Mr Croixy hi any readers ☺

I'm sorry I didn't get back here today. Being slacko and sleeping a fair whack too.

It's late atm so I'll bbt if that's ok.

Thank you both for dropping by. Very appreciated.

Grandy you're so beautiful love you to absolute bits.

Hoping you both are going as well or better than you can.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🤝👀💤🤗☄SSS 4evs Bpaly beautiful 😚

Thank you ☺

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Croixy 🐧 & readers ☺

Thank you both for your caring posts and time.

Dear Grandy I'm so grateful for such a beautiful close loving friendship.
Honestly I've never thought of you being slack. Always grateful and happy seeing you. Truth lovely ☺

You certainly have a few things going on don't you.
Oh Grandz I so hope everything falls into place and you get good results esp the heart my girl sheez 😐
Good job we're super glued suits me just fine 🤗

Good news about your feet. Last thing we want playing up. You were lucky there Floss. Mine are both still not great at all. I hold hope and for when I get the weight off.

Yip physical health for the last 4ish yrs has been rough on a constant.
Backs out again. We forget, I went to help Mr 😍 turn the mattress and yeowza 😨 luckily its mild but letting me know on some movements blow it. Back in recliner again starting tonight

Oh yes thanks sweety plenty of water and vegies at times too. Loven zapping the frozen ones you were saying about ages ago.

Plenty of sleep it does help both ways mentally and bodily I reckon. Exhaustion takes time to recover. Mostly better now.
Thanks gorgeous sitting with me ya sweetyheart. Same here for you

Oh no what a mess Ebony was in the cute little job but naughty. Must have been such a job. The scissors sound like a save.

You're so beautiful worrying about me re living somewhere. We did some more packing well decluttering. Atm I'm best only doing sitting jobbies.

No although no probs with Mr Deebi 😍 me staying but he has 2 housemates. I took that option out a while back. With Mr D a lifetime but not wanting to stay there apart from occasionally.

Love you too sweet girl 4 evs SSS.
Thanks honey you're a precious friend to many esp me 👩‍❤️‍👩💗🤝🤝
🤝😴👀☄⚘

Dear Mr Croixy I very much appreciate you mentioning that about the back. I have put a great deal of thought asking GP tho I have some strong meds, at times it's pretty hairy as you know.

Once I couldnt at all stand. Omg was sceeaming the place down.
Max that ambo could give and I think muscle relax as well as Green whistle made no dif at all. Hospital more needles big pain relief still could barely stand.
It's different now to how it was that was also as is now often screaming pain.
At least atm it's mild. Was just getting used to being back into bed grr.

Hope you're ok Croixy. You too are so appreciated.
Thanks Mr ☺🐧

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hi beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all...🤗.

I hope you’re feeling okay bbff...if not we’re always here for you..lovely bbff...

I just wanted to call in to wish you a very good night tonight and hope your sleep is a restful sleep with gentle dreams of peace and tranquility...

I am going to bed myself in a tick of the clock...feeling so tired...and sleepy....I keep micro napping while I’m talking to you😁..

See you tomorrow...my dearest bbff....Sleep well.....love you and unconditionally always will...💚🌹🕊🦋🍀👼🦄..yadimh..

Good night..everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hi beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I wanted to call in to see how your going lovely bbff..

I know your probably quite busy with packing etc...but just wanted to say hello and sit with you for a yummy almond and custard roll....and a cuppa tea/coffee and of course ice cream and strawberries with chocolate sauce spilled all over it....

Are you okay Deebi.?...both physical and mentally...Here if you need to talk dearest bbff....

Life can get hard at times...then it can turn around and be the most beautiful times ever.....Think of those beautiful times you have had, we have had and draw your strength from the love and care that Mr.Deebi has for you, that I have for you and your lovely friends here have for you....

No need to reply honey...just wanted to send my love, care and admiration I have for you...and oops a gentle bear hug..💚🦋🕊🧸🤗....

Oh I was cleaning out my 💼..and found this tiny golden 🦢 swan broach with brilliant sapphire blue eyes...I thought you might like to have it..Swan are such gentle beautiful peaceful creatures...so the swan broach is a perfect match for your golden heart and soul....

Rest dear friend..and take the very best care of you...for me....

My deepest soul feeling love to my spirit soul sister...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🌜🌟🌛...

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Hi my gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies hi too ☺

So good seeing you beautiful. Sorry its taken an age getting back.
Thanks for calling in gorjy (gorgeous) 🤗

I've been pretty good mostly thanks hun. Occasional mood slips but immediately pull up.

You can relate to this I know poor love the body probs.. pain gets you down doesn't it.

I'm still in the recliner was going to try bed last night but had several shooting back pains. Bending a fair bit tho I avoid as much as po dear Mr Deebi helps no end. Geez the love he's been a fabulous help. Nothings a problem for him he's so willing the darling. Phoo we're getting there. Tiring.

Oh thank you sweet girl we loved the custard and Almond roll. What a yum and the Ice cream and strawberries mmm.

Ohh so gorgeous that swan broach. Geez your a beautiful lady 🤗 Sapphire eyes how exquisite thank you sweetyheart.

Hey darlin I had Thursday in my calendar for your angiogramme but its Friday and special day tomoz gorgeous 🤝🗯😚

Oh and thank you for that beautiful visit before too lovely one.

So easy to love you deeply dear bbff. You're a beautiful soul and an absolutely awesome friend.

PubAok honey oh loved you cleaning out the 💼 😂 such amazing memories and more to come. We have such a varied fantastic friendship aye.

Always 🗯 dear friend and enormous love ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦊🐕🌞🦄💚🤝

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thank you for all your very much appreciated posts on my thread...

We sure do beautiful bbff......and nothing inbthis universe can ever change that.....

Thats okay about the recliner.li know that you prefer to be in bed..but honestly honey..if the recliner is helping you with your pain...maybe if Mr. Deebi can move it into the bedroom it might make you feel not so alone....I am so happy that you both found each other.....it was meant to be..you’re good for each other.....with a lot of care and love for each other....That’s Gold ...actually it’s more precious then Gold....That’s how I feel about you, our friendship and sss love...absolutely priceless..💚🦄🧸🤗 🌜 🦢🌛..

I am pleased you like the swan broach...I like swans they look so elegant and peaceful...and I know you love sapphires...

I wish my 💼 had a fairy wand in it..that really worked..😢..

How are you going packing all your things up to move?...it’s a horrible chore..and don’t we find things that we put in a safe place..then had forgotten about 😂...

I hope you get a good sleep tonight..

much Big love to you bbff...now and forever...pubAok always...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and any readers 👋

Dear Grandy thank you for dropping by lovely it really is so good seeing my bbff 💜

You're very welcome hun. I hope you're feeling ok lovey. Big day.

Nope nothing in this universe will ever change it. Awesome it is 😚

Yip I'm getting more use to the recliner, just so hard to get out with nature calls or anytime. It locks in two places.
Feel like I've had a day at the gym trying to get out 😂

Thanks Grandy he really is a beautiful soul.
Absolutely darl our sss friendship and deep loves unbreakable ☄

Swans are very graceful and elegant aren't they.
Sapphires such a gorgeous colour. I love it sweetyheart.

I reckon ... I'd love a fairy wand too sweet 😢 not fair!

Jeepers it's a big job isnt it packing phooey. Don't know where I'd be without this gorgeous being such a tremendous help the dear love.
So much easier when we're young 😆
Ha yeah it's cool seeing things we had tucked away and forgotten about. I'm being better throwing or op shopping things.

My backs better yay till next time. Had 3 I think nights back in bed.
My other problems returned but onto it straight away sigh. Body give me a bloody rest!
Talking of sweety I'm concerned about you doing the lawns. Please be careful and take your time honeyheart 👁

You too beautiful pubAok love and need you dear friend. Appreciate you so much 😚🤗👀🤝😍🦄👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

How are you feeling honey?...

I hope so much things are going okay for you..and your taking it very gently with your back while your packing up and getting ready to move...I wish so much that you didn’t have to move.,.,Have you found something else that you can move into?...it takes a lot out of us looking for somewhere new to live... I wish I could be their to help you pack...although I don’t think we would pack very much..,we would probably be giggling and carrying on like a couple of young children....🧒👧...

I am sorry that your body keeps hurting you so much...If we could go back in time..how much more gentler we would be on our bodies and mind....I hope you got on top of the other problem before it got to much for you...and also hope your back is behaving itself a little more then it normally does...

Been thinking so much about you...and wanting to call in here to chat...but I have been stuck inside my head for days now...and only want to talk positives to you here honey...

We are fighters Deebi...for our peace...and if we keep at it..in time I know we will win...even if it’s only an hour here or their...eventually it will turn into a day or so..then a few days..then who knows maybe a week, a month, persistence and determination has to pay off in the end.....

Deep SSS love to you bbff....always yadimh...with so much care and comforting thoughts...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚🧸🤗🌹🕊💕...pubaok....not just spoken words bestest friend ever ..they come from my heart....💚....

Grandy...