Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

BP day 4/5. Had a couple of very short bursts between last and this one. Went ok

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi & anyone reading ☺

Thanks for your lovely visit especially when you're doing the hard yards. Hope so much you're on the improve 💜

Thanks sweetyheart relieved to say my backs holding kinda. I fear pretty much everytime I bend of it going out.
Hip/groin pos coming from back
the mutts dishing out extreme pain often. I can't move so have to suffer it for a few minutes.
Extra weight adding to pain. Savage but I hav to bend, trying to work out how without it catching. Cruel. I'm using these reasons and reinforcing to build mind set.

It's very hard for us both as Mr gorgeous also suffers from sharp back pain too. 2/4 hrs hurts us a lot packing

This lovely units in this area otherwise hoping next suburb.
Hard pickings.

Thanks Grandy love. Haha we'd definately be giggling and yakking.
Oh I'd so love to see you rl 😢.i'd even be quiet as I have. and can 😄so I don't talk your.., 👂 off.

Some struggles but self talked out of still in mania making it easier.

Feeling very bummed and dejected.
I haven't done a thread for a couple of yrs and feel it's a worthy one. Nada replies. I'm 😢 about it but working at not feeling that way but it does hurt and I constantly see other new threads supported by several ppl.
I'll stop there cause 😢.
But unsure wether to bother with it anymore.
Feels like a waste of time and effort pfft lot of tears atm but I'm slightly getting over it.

We're getting some very disappointing crap from so called besty and his bro of Mr beautifuls. Be seeing them soon. I'll try to hold it together but now of any times is very bad to be having disputes. They're being jerks! basically. I have so much anger justified that I've said to the besty but kept my cool. They don't want to see my temper but if it needs unleashing it'll happen without regrets.

Me too Grandy you're an amazing bbff and in general to everyone you come in contact with.
It's beyond and honour to be so incredibly close to my sss ☄
Always major love and thoughts honey 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝

Oh and yes determination practice and holding on gets us there.

Oops and 😄 I'm getting serious about weight loss. Mania helps and I've broken but tbh I think it's ok to and jump back on. Happy about it finally happening. Going to continue little walks to build up to bigger. Damned feet still grr but think both can heal (pun)

Cya beautiful/s 🌈⚘

[demonblaster]

Grandy love 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all ☺

Something not goods going on with my eyesight.

I'm diabetic and been atrocious with it regarding food which if it is that I really hope it adjusts with another very good day food and fluid wise dieting. Not last night but I wasn't ott.

It's come on fairly suddenly over the past 2ish wks and is quite a concern.

It's very difficult to see the text here reading pretty much anything. In the past on occasion it's been long sight that's been a prob with high sugar and then came good. Just a day or so.

Bizarre, watching TV's fine actually quite clear without my glasses on and with they're not working.

The reading ones aren't working tho I could see the TV which is out of range for them. Whacky or what! Pretty much 🤤 for anything close.

Recently I was going ape on lemon barley cordial (Bickfords it's really nice) and going bananas on Zoopers. Both I haven't had for 3 days and won't for an age.

All above super no no with diabetes I know but the norm was a LOT of choccy that over a mth or more was reducing, now only on breaks but atm none for a while either. Also was being naughty with other food which was normal.

I have something in my eye that if it hasn't decreased by around now...they haven't contacted for my next appt yet but I'll ring tomoz I'll need to have a procedure done to remove it. No thanks but will.

I'm using a magnifying thingy for reading often and that's with glasses on. I'll wait to get the new glasses till I see 👀 the eye chick. These were working so didnt rush and its quite a travel to get to where I get them but thats okish.

Blood tests I'm seeing Doc next week no doubt about diabetes so sounding like it.

Pretty scary but with luck getting my act together with weight and soon to start regular baby step walks with my love it'll improve.

I have the text size on about 160.

It's one of several reasons to choof the weight which IS going to happen. Are we there yet. 2 days good 1 bad. I feel incredibly slim already...thinking it won't be long before I can do some swimwear modelling 😁

Grandy and Paws thank you so much for jumping on the thread. You're both close to my heart 🤗🤗💜

Better bed it's witching hrs. Had a sleeper, hardly any these days woot!

Many thanks for listening and being there ☺

Nigh nite..nope it's morning now 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🤝🗯😚

[Ggrand]

Hey Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and all..🤗.

Sounds like your doing the best you can with your packing..both of you that is...and that’s all you can do....Do you have to move the furniture out as well...if so maybe a furniture remover will be good to hire...or some strong friends...

Im so sorry about your eyes..maybe something like a cataract?...did the Drs day what it is causing the problem?..If you can Please try hard not to stress about it..put your faith and belief into your Drs....I always say with Drs and test results is no early phone for results is good news..because if it’s serious they will call you in early and discuss it with you....

Very gently...because we’re bbffs ..that words said in anger are not words coming from your soul..they are words coming from Beasty....I don’t know what has been said or done by your besties...Being angry and it being justified is okay...Don’t want to see you hurt my bbff....if I’ve stepped out of line I’m sorry...mt anger was squashed many years ago..and I don’t really understand it all....

I didn’t know about your lasted thread...it is really valuable thread..thank you for starting it up...sometimes I think it depends on the time it’s posted..as some threads in busy times can be on the front page for only minutes..until it goes to the second, third etc...I am sorry that happened to your thread..it’s bumped up now and I think it will relate to so many people here....So my bestie bbff..well done beautiful lady....I’ll pop over their today as I have a few addictions I would like to chat about...

Deebi...I can go days with talking to anyone in real life...it can hurt a lot a makes me feel very lonely and reject by the people ....so you will never ever be able to talk to much to me...I would love that..

I hope today is a good day for you honey...and you are okay..

Big love to you my bbff...with gentle baby bear hugs...💚🌹 👶🧸🤗...

Love to you Paws..and everyone reading...💚🤗..hugs as well...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Mr Deebi,

Oh lass that is not good news about your eyes... of course you are finding it scary... I hope you can get an appt soon... it would be one less worry for you having something done about the thing in your eye.

Do be careful with your packing... please be good & follow Grandy's advice about taking it gently lass... she is very wise & caring.

Lass I wonder if with your new thread whether it's the word addiction in the title that is making people not connect to it... a lot of people with addictions are in denial about being addicted & others only think of addiction as being hard drugs... perhaps if you changed it to something like "Breaking Addictions & Unhealthy Habits" more people might feel it applies to them... just a thought... it is such a helpful topic

Here is a big squishy bear hug for you

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

RUOK?....It’s okay no pressure...I know your busy with packing and your eye..I hope so much that the Drs...can heal it for you...

If I said wrong or upset you in my last post...I am sorry...

Please know bbff that I love and care so much about you and am concerned about you....and been thinking of my last post to you...💚🤗🦄🦢🕊🌹🦋..

Did you get any results about your eye and when they are going to do the procedure needed for it?...

Please take good care of you bbff....

Sending you some very warm comforting hugs 🧸🤗...with my love and care...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other beautifuls 🙄

You're a dear lady aren't you. no sweeryheart not at all. I love that you say things that's what people that live and care do 🤗

Nothing was offensive at all honey. I'll leave it for now till I get the long time post finished.

I've over 2 days been doing pists, you know when some are near impossible to get the wording right and take hrs. This was one which I'm hoping to get finished tomoz.

Same at FAQ's thread its a fast one. Twice I've worked on posts and several distractions today.

Yeah/nah is how I'm feeling. Pretty crappy but pull up then blaghh again.

The damn pains wearing me down big time in groin.

Eyes tomoz arvo lovey and single eye with that thingy they didnt ring back as they were spised too unless I have the dates wrong.

Eyes are slightly but not much better. Scary. Not anxiety but hoping to god I haven't permanently damaged. Glasses and magnifying glass for some reading.

Haggard. I'm thinking of the Addiction thread and what you Paws suggested bbl huns.

Very tired. Get through the stinking downs then "normal" again. Pfftt till the next time

Gotta go sleep loves thanks for lovely support.

Night 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗🐾

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone....🤗.

Thank you for saying that I didn’t hurt you...I have a hard time to speak my thoughts...even in text format..it doesn’t feel right to me...

Definitely I do understand about words forming properly in our mind...No hurry bbff to reply Deebi...Please don’t stress yourself about doing so....

I’m sorry about your groin pain...Very uncomfortable pain isn’t it...honey...I get when my bursitis decides to wake up...sometime a long but gentle stretch of the leg helps with mine....

How did you appointment go with your eye?...did they tell you what’s happening and what there going to do to heal it...my prayers and healing vibes that your eye will be good as new soon.....

Awe honey....have you been sleeping okay and eating healthy...coming out of BP as you know is very exhausting, plus on top of packing, and getting ready to move which is very stressful on its own.,,,you need plenty of good quality sleep.....

That’s okay about the addiction thread...no pressure their either honey...

Here alway for you with unconditional care and love bbff...💚🕊🤗🧸..( uccal )

OdSd...always in my 💭...Still holding on to hope that it will happen....without hope we have nothing....Sooooooo my bbff...Keep your hope alive in every single part of your life.....

Big baby 👶 🐻 Hugs....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers hi 🙂

Grandy thank you. Darlin it's so wrong its so hard for you to say things. You can with me hun I need to hear the other side or good advice like you gave. It was in my mind that day what you said. Was solid.
It crushes me that you had anger taken from you too grr 🤗💜

I feel guilty not replying to posts. Appreciate you saying no hurry and at the addiction one esp that I was upset.

We have down time it's just crap atm. I can't get stuck into packing cause I can't bend mostly. Even mild pains friggen hurts bad & starts it all over to way worse. So stressful. I'm ok about moving tho a mth left is getting a worry. Seeing one tomoz.
I'm carrying a stick mostly. Steps are frightening
I know we'll look back on this.

The partner of besty it's heartbreaking. We heard yesterday for people to visit soon. Today he has a spurt of energy then he goes back down hard. Cruel. Still has a great sense of humour. Poor fella and of course one of my beautiful bestys like you 🤗

Pawsy while I think of I'm giving a lot of thought into the addiction title. Thanks for your thoughts I'll be back to talk about dear friend 🤗

It's the diabetes which I was thinking. Phew no more bleeds or damage. It's very high. My eyes as I know have decreased Yikes 6 steps which is huge. Should settle if I behave, Very slightly improved but still shocking.
Woah when sugars are high as has happened they can affect prescription glasses explaining the whacky going ons.
For the membrane that has a hole in it, it's worse. Appt with a specialist in May he'll decide if I need to be operated on.
I've had breaks, so much harder coming down. But also been good other ways with diet.

Mr loves besty my friend too he's in a bad way possible cancer as well again. Starts chemo pills soon. Sigh. We're in that dreaded age group

.Grandy I pray SWSD. So hard not seeing you being able to ring visit stay help you like we do for eachother but in rl.

Fill out another form for tenancy. Then bed. Much needed sleep but so much on. Still getting up early for me anyway.

Thank you always dear sweet love. Want to but haven't been to Serious helpers lately but will it's neat.
My eyes are making it hard here too.

Couple of cries today. Spoke for a bit about how I'm feeling and the beautiful listened. He's so precious.

Nigh nite darlin/s.
👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗✨👋

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....and all....🤗.

Thank you for re assuring me of my post to you..yes it’s hard for me to know if I say the right things or not...when talking to someone especially my bbff....Never knowing if I said right or not....

Please don’t feel guilty about anything here especially your new addiction thread....its ready when you are and not before....

Im really sorry, that the partner of your bestie isn’t doing very well....That’s so sad and heartbreaking for you...

Wow honey 6 steps is huge...please do look after your diabetics...Betty has diabetes and I am trying to learn from her...I know her legs get “wobbly “ and her eye sight seems to change due to the amount of sugar she eats at times....

Take your time with packing and everything that you can take your time with....having back issues will make it harder for you both..Little bits done at a time does really add up to big things when they are all put together.....Slow and steady wins the race...said the turtle to the hare 😁..

Sleep as much as you need honey...it’s important...

Good luck with the form you filled in last night..I hope you manage to get a beautiful unit in a nice quiet place...

Please dearest Deebi....only reply when you feel up to it...I am keeping a close watch on you....Don’t want you to strain your eyes anymore then you need to...

Sending you a big huge hug...with much love and care..🧸🤗💚🦋🕊🦄🦢..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

5kgs!!! Yay!!!! Happy Dance 💃💃💃

Ummm... Lass... as you are clearly throwing away the kilos with such gay abandon... me thinks perhaps you wouldn't reeeallly mind if I chucked a few of mine your way... for you to toss alongside your own.... maybe??? perhaps???? pretty please????

Seriously... well done lass... it's never easy losing weight

Big Hugs

Paws