Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hey my bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Heart warming to hear that your pain is almost gone..I hope it continues to disappear until zero pain....☺️..

Sorry about the PTSD scenarios...not good are they poor bbff....Distract those scenes and thoughts with good memories and thoughts if you can...The quicker we learn to manage those downers...the easier it is to come up from them....easier said then done...but with practice and perseverance we can....

Oh..what happened to your finger?...Deebi..I tripped a little bit and when I tried to stop from falling over....which I did save me...with my outdoor table..well I have a smallish cactus sitting in the middle of it...Some how I got heaps of fine little cactus prickles all over my little finger as it decided to go into the middle of the cactus 🌵....I spent a long time plucking them out..broke a few and are still in their now my finger is swollen, red and sore..😂😂...Silly silly me...

How was your day precious bbff?...

Looks like the rain has gone...and the sun will be shining tomorrow....Just like everything in this universe thing are constantly changing...even us....

Very much love with heaps of care...Deebi 💚🦋and a big bear hug.🧸🤗...

Hello to all Deebi’s visitors...I hope your all doing okay...My love and hugs to you all as well..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 👋

Ohh hear we go...my body couldn't give me a cursing break!

The two fingers not just one seems to be easing off with pain. One appeared like a paper cut that's bigger and quite suss but White. The other has the most grotesque infection. Antibiotics seems to be working the pains easing.

Today gently leant slightly and 😲😨 screaming back pain. Out again. Bit of arvo sleep relieved when I got up got up said to Mr beautiful oh good at least it's not caning getting out of bed. Oh how wrong could I be! About 10 secs of unbelievable bloody excrutiating pain being in a sitting posi. Cried my head off after several loud calls of pain. Seriously body leave me alone! Have to lose weight to back off the Diabetes infections and extreme back pain tho has been as bad with a perfect figure tho this pains I know having the excess choccy additions 😄

With strongs the pain sitting down any positions cruel. Had a gut full of this constant pain crap.

Been struggling with ptsd and scenarios. Extreme high health stress so much bloody pain! I'm ok talking laughs etc but been a real cow too. Sorries to darling I can't stand what a picky short critical cow I turn into. I'm sure its mostly recovering from BP.

Lot of tears lately didnt like AD'S mostly stopped that release, still don't know what but didn't like what they changed in me.

SO hard being so exhausted think this has sparked pump up again but same deal extreme pain unless I stay still no movement

Had 2 one was worse that made me call out the terrible pains laying on my back. Back to bloody recliner.

Other times I was normal with dear Mr D but hard on a partner the precious.

SO SO over it!

At least the original nasty beasty is so much better still keeping on meds for a wk after it fully clears wee while off yet.

Fingers starting to respond and back off pain. Really really nasty ugly infection on one.

Gotta lose weight and excercise too hoping as before was so close to not being Diabetic and off the pills.

Absolutely wrecked.

Love Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 🗯🤗

Thanks for listening peeps 🤗⚘

[demonblaster]

Ohh Grandy love 👩‍❤️‍👩 ouch x how many wow that sounds really nasty sweety.

I heard well read our lovely Pawsy saying about your poor finger hey we even stir up fingers together 😆 I agree with Pawsy some thing to avoid infection. Also soaking it in warm to hot salty water should open the Paws (haha excuse the pun) I think best just let it dry naturally cause wiping or dabbing both could push any strays in deeper.

Not good gorgeous 😚🤗 hope it comes good quickly.

Love Floss always 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

[Ggrand]

Dear beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

You’re going through so much physical pain atm....Gee honey I’m deeply sorry..My hearts breaking for you...I wish that I could ease your hurts...Its just so unfair.....Yes Deebi, You definitely need a break from your body pain.....

Deebi...Not sure if I. Listening properly...did you stop your ADs?....Maybe the crying along with the back pain..could be due to stopping your meds...withdrawals?

Not sure if this will work for you with PTSD scenarios....My Counsellor told me to tell myself that I am safe..nothing can hurt me now....then try to ground myself and do some mindfulness with the nearest object close to me..It works sometimes but not always...I’m pleased it’s not taking you down into the depth of blackness...Well done honey in managing your PTSD the best you can...I’m proud of you...Did you know that?...

The drawing ointment I found and it drew out all but one prickle...which is not that sore anymore..just looks like a pimple on my finger😂..

Poor my bbff....I hope so much that your physical self gives you a break...it’s hard trying to manage your mh when physical pain gets in the way...

Always here for you bbff...my soul is with you their..always...with my care, understanding and love..🦋🕊💚🧸🤗...

Bear hugs beautiful bbff...🧸🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.,

[demonblaster]

Thank you dear great friend 💑 I tried to post at yours but the site was down. On phone atm painfully slow.

My backs eased off I think through sleeping on recliner not at all ideal. It's the muscles now are giving hell.

Had a gut full Grandz. So exhausted it's started again. Had a short nice mania when my back was / is out now I'm sleeping as much as po. Simply wrecked.

Thanks for your soul being here. My darlings done as much as he can the dear sweety.

Love you heaps so grateful dear friend xx

[Paw Prints]

Oh Deebi lass...

of course you are feeling exhausted... the pain has been constant for so long now... lass I'm worrying about you eating... being so tired can make having something healthy to eat so very hard... lass if you aren't managing to eat... do you think you could ask the lovely Mr Deebi to go to the chemist & get you the hospital strength supplement to help you...

Here is the gentlest softest of bear hugs for you...

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩... waves 👋 to Paws and everyone reading..

Please don’t concern yourself about posing on mine..The most important thing in the world to me is..you..Please Sleep as much as you need to dearest bbff...sleeping gives us a little holiday from physical and mental pain.....

I am pleased that the recliner has helped to ease some pain from your back.....I think when your back goes out..you may walk differently to avoid more pain..then the different walk uses muscles we don’t usually use..and when we awake them, they protest because they haven’t been used before..I hope they will very quickly get used to being used...

As our lovely Paws has said...Please try to eat healthy meals...food has an enormous impact on our health...A quick meal which is healthy..well I think it is..Is those 2 minute noodle packets...cook like instructions, then pack your bowl with lots of steamed/microwaved frozen veggies....I do this when I’m not feeling well enough to cook...and it only takes a couple of minutes to prepare and cook....

I need to get ready now for VS counselling..but have been thinking about you a lot..with concern...Wish I could do more for you instead of just words....

Always here for you bbff...4 eva your in my heart with love and care...💚🦋...I’ll join our lovely Paws and have a little group hug with you both..if that’s okay...

I will pop back in this evening to say hi again....and see how your travelling,,, remember dearest bbff...like every other BP cycle this too shall pass....holding your hand beautiful bbff...we can do this together....joined by our golden thread..nothing not even Beasty can break it..

Much love and hugs dear beautiful ladies...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Sweety Paws 🐾 & bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi readers 🖐

Thank you loveys for your caring posts 🤗

Girls your caring thoughts about not eating are so appreciated.
It'd take a miracle for me not to eat 😄 then again in mania it's pretty easy...too bizzay 😅

We've had some veg and meat and a lovely soup from Heinz wow! it's a chicken one.
Grandz great idea the noodles.
The lovely soft bear hugs are a treat 🤗 back atcha
Hope you're doing ok Pawsy 🐾

Dear Grandy thank you darlin. I think you too feel bad if some days go by and we haven't posted. Crazy really we know we have a very strong unbreakable ☄ Golden thread friendship.

No sweety but good thought thanks. I doubt the cryings withdrawals. Been off them a few wks now. Guessing around 6 wks or more.

I've been so exhausted and had started healing original prob hence less pain more sleep.

Was 3rd day in completely wiped out when my back went out ...😨...and along came...not a spider but another mania. That's about 4 in this last BP. Would have been a mix of exhaustion and pain stimulation I reckon bought on extra boost of energy tho way too tired to enjoy it, had to sleep in the chair. Can't wait but really scared going back to bed. Be a while yet. So many different pains. The initial feeling like the backs breaking is pure hell. No picnic with rest but different.
So so wrecked. You can hold up and hold, good but hard it can be for wks which it was with the first thing and fingers nearly sorted tho suss on one. Muscles are less but still painful standing. Good thinking walking differently hun.

So the extreme pain strong meds exhaustion made me cry. I do with hard pain and the rest.

Going to sleep soon.

Thank you so much girls you've no idea how grateful I am.

Oh thx for the PTSD I remember hearing that at yours. Also I've been saying that was then it won't happen again I need to get out of the past and live in the now. Scenarios are separate to PTSD I think born from anxiety.

Hold on people, we'll never know freedom and peace if we give up.

Care thoughts and warmth.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀☘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone reading...🤗

How are you feeling today honey?..

It’s okay bbff..to sleep as much as your body needs..I don’t think we can force our body to sleep if it doesn’t need it..

I remember before you said the recliner helps with your back...just a thought Deebi...maybe laying flat is stretching your back and your muscles to much....Is their a way that you could raise the top half of your mattress so your laying more the same as you do on the recliner?...

Awe...honey I’m sorry you were crying..although you know it’s okay don’t you sweetyheart...Except for the eyes..which get hot and sore....Pain is hard to manage....I have a strong pain threshold...yet can go down with pain when it gets to a certain strength or lasts more then a few days....

Im a bit concerned with my feet...I mowed with my thongs on...which I never do..but it was just to hot..and now I’m feeling pain..just a slight pain under the balls of both my feet....I hope I haven’t caused plantain fascillitis to start up again..,,I’m doing the exercises with a cold bottle in the mornings just in case...,How are your feet feeling...are they still sore?

Oh..I wanted to tell you..that I completed my very first sudoku yesterday....I down loaded the app called puzzle page..it has 5 different puzzles each day.....If I remember rightly you like sudoku...

Oh yeah also precious bbff....Not sure if you know this..but here goes...L💚VE 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Y💚U.....Big time...Pubaok...yadimh always with much care 💚....

Please Deebi....look after yourself...for me☺️...and for you..need you bbff...🌜🦢🌛...

Love and hugs everyone...💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi dear friend 🤗

Thank you for caring Grandy. Without you I'd feel alone here.
People come at random or leave but you stick by me. For that I'm truly grateful.

Not too bad today thx hun. Slept for the first time in a while in bed. Wasn't comfy so ended back in the chair last night. Took some otc meds helped for nanny nap. Missed not being there with my sweety. I know he's just there close but such a love it's nice being together.

We're slowly getting packed up. Mr Deebi 😍 dear loves been such a great help and comfort. Said to mhw today I probs wouldnt be so calm if I was alone doing this. Not sure if I'll get anywhere to live, hard rental market here.

Back seems to have come good in the chair thank goods. Muscles were tragic good thoughts hun they're better. Yip feet still no good. Might need a yikes needle for foot. Very painful I've seen with poor late love and heard.

I hit deep exhaustion was 3rd day when back went out. More mania.
Still sleeping a lot been a hard near 8 wks. Tremendous pain disturbed sleep nightly often through pain, strong meds BP. Coming out the other side.

Good thoughts with recliner I'm thinking on some way.

I asked GP once about my pain threshold he said high too, he saw me at the peak of the neck pain 😲 ohh. I cry releasing stress.

Oh no hope you haven't stirred them up hun. Please be careful Grandz. Barefoot must be dangerous. I get the heat but better being safe...hands on hips precious ☺

Good girl with the Sudoku. No not a fan lovey.
Sounds good Puzzle page.

Haha loven your special message... 💗LOVE 💜YOU 💗TOO 💜SO💗 MUCH 💜
Ditto sweetylove need you too 🤗

Thank you sweetyheart your friendships beautiful 😊😚