Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi, Magic, Peppy ..and everyone..🤗..

I know you said it’s okay you crying..I don’t like you crying lovely friend, I want you to be happy every day..with a huge smile on you face.....like your gorgeous avatar....

I am very thankful to you Mr. Croix..for your very valuable words to Deebi...I have been down a little thinking I done wrong to you Deebi.....and I started feeling guilty and selfish...I had a feeling would think that I would leave you...but theirs no way I would ever leave you Deebi, Friends just don’t do that...They stayed superglued 🤝, Through good and bad....for always...unconditional love is unbreakable...💜🌹🦋..

How are you going, bbff...With your back, neck and foot?...I wish so much I knew the answer for immediate pain relief..Please Deebi, Try hard to not lift anything heavy, or strain your back until..well hopefully the professionals will give you a mri on that section of your back...Usually if you ask them, they’ll give you a referral..because if something major is wrong they want to find it then help to heal you...Please if you can remember to ask your Dr. at your next appointment..it might get things moving faster for you..

I picked you some marshmallows off our tree..here you go honey..their yummy in milo..or just straight of out tree...

Gazzillion x love for you..and bear hugs 🧸🤗..dearest bbff..

Hello gentle Peppy...Magic...mmmm Just live chocolate so much...Never tire of it either...marshmallow for you as well..our tree is overloaded with them..

my care, love and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Birdy77]

Dearest Aunty Deebsta, Aunty Grandz and all fans and friends of the bbffs 😃

I love listening to the bbffs, i really do. Your convos are gorgeous, and i usually get to have a little laugh somewhere along the way, which is a bonus!

I had the best chuckle at Aunty Deeb's presentation to Sir Croix (aka Mr Croixy good man) ... i hope he cloths on, cloths off, with the beautiful sandpaper on his precious crown of concrete. Truly special. Not to mention the mantra he must chant. Oh yeah, please take a video Sir Croix and share with us all.

Uuuuum, also, i actually do believe that there were 25 emojis in the infamous "22 emoji post". ? I may be wrong, but i think I'm right. If anyone could confirm?

Love you guys, keep being your awesome beautiful selves. Xoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Tweety 🐣 and readers 😊

Thank you beautifuls for your lovely posts. So good seeing youse
You both reach my heart and give light.

Oh dear Grandz please please hear this.
• There's absolutely nothing at all selfish about becoming a CC in fact absolute opposite lovely one.
• You didn't do anything at all wrong by me and I know you never would. Truth.
• It was my insecurities only that were unfounded
• In BP my emotions were more sensitive and scrambled egg head 🙃
• None of the above was your fault.

Darlin friend you're doing such a great thing for so many people including here and for yourself.
I'm so happy for you honestly, now that I know you're not going to wander off.
Please don't feel down truth you did absolutely nothing wrong I pwomish sthweetyheart 🤗

Thanks oh so happy to say my backs slowly improving. Still regaining confidence. It's not 100% yet but no pain thank God! Pure torture when it does.
Foot same dammit!

Great news the MRI end of next mth will be doing the other 2 areas. Dont think they do them to what they want here. Happies.

Also had neurologist telehealth this not so good the muscle damage in my arms from the syrinx yikes.

Love you every day Grandy which deepens daily. You're so beautiful darlinheart. 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🍫😚

Hey there our beautiful tweety so good seeing you 😀
Oh I love being your Aunty sweety tweety there's something about some people and you're one darling.
I really hope lifes being more gentle on you huns 🤗

Absolutely love hearing you got a chuckle 😄 and that you enjoy reading our friendship. So nice huns.

Listen darlz if you get a bit frightened from our gorgeous little kittens that Grandy gave me that Betty found all you have to do is jump on their little heads they haven't quite figured out how to handle that yet then I can sit you on my shoulder and you can tell me all about how you are darling tweets.

Love you both very much. PubAok both and peeps reading.

Thanks again loves 😚🍫🗯🤗💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thank you so much lovely bbff...I believe in your words honey....😁..

It is so good hearing about you getting an MRI scan at the end of next month done on the parts of your back that are sore....Not long to go now honey.....I wish they don’t find anything to major...I know that you are in good hands with them and hopefully what ever is causing you so much pain can be mended for you...My wish for you is to be pain free..

If your back is the same as my hips....when it’s time for the MRI..your back will behaving...😂..

I hope tomorrow is a good day for you, full of sunshine outside and full of starlight in your heart/soul.....Its been sprinkling here now for 2 days...It’s been nice but I’m missing my morning dose of sunwarmth...

Deep Love to you bbff....pubaok..yadimh..wiwwyip ..lysvm....SSS..Bpaly... 💭 always...🤝👀👂👃..💜🧸🤗.

Hi Birdy, Peppy...Love you both as well..and hope so much that you’re both doing okay....Here’s a bag 👜 full of marshmallows...freshly picked 😂...

Grandy..👭🌹🦋🕊🌱

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Umm...... Your emoji's ........ Mr Croixy counted 22..... Birdy counted 25..... I counted 20..... ?????

Me thinks perhaps.... you are tip-toeing 🐘in when no-one is looking 👀 & hiding in Grandy's 💼 whenever someone appears..... adding & subtracting emojis..... just to keep us all busy counting them.... so you can liberate any 🍫 you may find poking out of our pockets or handbags whilst our attention is elsewhere.

Little do you know.... Grandy lass is also lurking in her 💼 & whenever you pop out to change emoji's..... she swaps your stash of purloined 🍫 with clever copies... the real ones being hidden in a 🌈 by a 🦄.

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies 😊

How annoying I just spent a fair while noting a post and somehow lost it when I attempted pasting grr.

Catch youse tomoz lovely people.

Love to you sweety friends

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐾🌱⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Paws..and all..

Paws thank you..you gave me a laugh..

I remember not that long ago Deebi, decided to eat my chocolate scented wax candle...😂 it was so funny...I don’t think I can trick her again...so I swapped the chocolate 🍫 with a carob bar..

Deebi...I feel your grrrr...I’ve done that many times..Takes ages to write in notes..then poof it disappears when copy & pasting..The little computer gremlins are lightening fast, to quick for our eyes to see while they hungrily gobble it up....

Its okay lovely bbff..no rush..to reply..I hope your day was a good day...we had a beautiful sunshiny day...Always the way isn’t it... When we have to go to places which is mostly appointments in an office...it’s sunny and warm... a perfect day to sit outside and enjoy it...I hope your day was sunny and you were able to sit, stand or lay outside and have a beautiful relaxing sun bath...

Haha...you have to run fast to catch me...run run run as fast as you can...you can’t catch me I’m the Grandy gran...😂.

I hope you had a good day dearest Deebi...and tomorrow will be an even better day...

Look after you..Please Deebi, Paws and everyone...

Universal love bbff....💜🧸🤗..with bear hugs..

my care, love and hugs to everyone....🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌹

[demonblaster]

Lovely peeps ☺

Ok let's try again. Spending so long on a post then losing yes to gremlins hun grr

Gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 & dear Pawsy 🐾 thank you both for your lovely posts 🤗 that's to share 😄 love the mouth on that emoji.

Grandz I'm glad you know I'm speaking truth only. Sorry that you were down 😚
Thanks hun. They'll telehealth me after MRI good. Save time & $ travel.

? Triggers re Cancer.

Very sad. Besty I've spoken about oftens partner is riddled with bloody cancer. Just heard today to what extent. Very bad.

I can see he's putting on a good front for besty.
I don't think the poor girls absorbed it yet.
There's an element of shock that protects us.
God I dread what they/she have ahead 😭😓

Love him too. When we get quiet time one on one he talks more. I'll try and give him the chance when I can.
So sad. I doubt we'll have him for much longer. He knows it too.

It's a very aggressive but different type my beautiful late love had which also was very aggressive.

It hits home hard knowing what's ahead for them and to be seeing her go through what I did with my love and of course it's not about me but still bites hard.

It's a bloody mongrel disease!
Grandy thank you for asking how I am beautiful.
Tbh I'm very sad about it 😓 I need to digest it too I guess.

Otherwise so happy with Mr 😍 he's such a precious lovely darling man.

Was a nice visit today we all sat in the sun laughed and talked in batches about it all. Mr 😍 got to know them more and is slowly meeting my friends we saw a very good one who drives buses hadn't seen her for an age so did a quicky catch up she was working. We'll catch up later.

Thank you for dropping by honey (loved hearing that) and for such a beautiful post.

Otherwise dunno Grandy underneath there's something not depression as such 🤔
I'll try and explain in a BP update tomoz or soon after.

Grandy love you so deeply dearest friend pubAok 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗 God there's times I really want to hug you darl and talk to you.
I hope this hasn't upset you with memories.

Pawsy you too that was an awesome post. Got a lot of laughs thank you for those.
So good to see you. Truth I also wonder how you're going. I do hope you and your big boy woofa are good 🤗
Very little hope of me giving up my 🍫 that I'm sure Peppy said even tho in her sleep that I could have.

You're such a nice caring easy person to get along with. Lovely having you to call a friend too 🤗🗯🍫🤝💗🐅

[Ggrand]

Hey Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....🤗

Awe I am so very sorry about your bests partner....I remember you often talked of her...

I hope your okay Deebi....

I’m alway here for you bbff..as all your friends are here...

I know that feeling Deebi,,.sometimes it gets overwhelming not being able to comfort each other when needed in r/l...Sometimes I feel words don’t help much..especially in times like your going through now..

If you need to talk..please do so Deebi...Were all holding your hand..

Big love beautiful friend....Please you be okay...always..I’ll be keeping a close 👀 on you, bbt..

.just wanted to say I’m so sorry about your bad news..

Much love and hugs..💜🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 😊

Thank you beautiful. You're always there for me. What a beautiful friend 🤗

It's just so cruel isn't it. Hard thinking he won't be here for too much longer. It'd be awesome if I was wrong but yeh well we'll see. Poor guys starting chemo soon.

It is Grandz I can't tell you how often I want to be with you in your and my hard times.

Still pretty tired hun so might pop off for now ☺

Huge love always dear friend.

Hope your day was ok lovely you had a whopper. Always 🗯💜👀🤝💗👩‍❤️‍👩