Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Ahh beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗

Never never never have you said anything wrong oh sweety I cherish your posts. Our friendships so strong deep and loving 💜

So sorry lovey that you thought you'd done wrong honestly no. I adore you and your company.

Huns I'm not long up I'll have brekky and bbs sweet darling friend.

Love you so deeply dear friend you're the best 😚

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼👨‍⚕️😍🐩🐆🐕🐶🏠🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩......🐻🤗..

Thank you so much for saying I didn’t say wrong...and our friendship is strong deep and loving...💜..

I wanted to pop in and wish you a good restful sleep bbff..
Good night precious friend...pubaok..sss..yadimh...Love you..🕊🌱🦄👼🌹🦋💜💜..

Care, love and hugs..🌹💜🤗..
👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 Birdy Paws Monkey and everyone 🖐

Thank you for all your beautiful comforting posts they were so nice. You're lovely people 🤗

Tweety good seeing you sweety thank you darlin 🤗

Dear Grandy I really am sorry it took so long and that you felt how you did. Love you so much your posts always have light in them you're such a darling.
The poem was gorgeous sweetyheart. Loved the build up to it too you're a classic 🤗💜

After a couple of days I self reasoned and let the ouch drop because I feel I did the right thing although apparently not and though I don't understand why I'm ok but reluctant. At least not hovering on it. Good for me not to.

I rave on about mania as anyone would. Another thing I was aware of was thinking out of the box up to 3/4 further thoughts on things it was great and with so much peace.
As much as it being superb even as mentioned the liwest highs hypomania still completely wipe you or me anyway. It still took a couple or wks to get back.

It's been so nice wow like a holiday having several days without 🤕headaches till today. Had another sleep and its still floating around.

The downs are still hard work but nothing like before.
Being with Mr beautiful is making such a difference. He's a very lovely easy love to be with I'm very happy with the darling man. Makes a huge difference a huge void filled. Adore him.
I think beautiful people here including my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 meds and personal progress have all helped too because I was very happy and loved very much my late darling as well.

I hope to find what I started a while ago it was a BP entry.

Thanks lovelies very much 🤗 you're all so appreciated 💗

Grandy love I don't know what I'd do without you truly.
Love you very very much dear sss yAdimh pubAok awyis 🏠👭So hope one day honeyheart

🌜👨‍⚕️😍👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯✨👼👭🏠🦋🌹🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....🤗.

Im feeling a little bad now...I was concerned that you were not well as thinking I said wrong....I’m sorry honey..

I wanted so much to talk to you...but I was scared as well that I would have been in trouble because I have posted 3 in a row....and I might have been talking to much....

Im so happy to read that you have felt some peace with your bp...It takes work and your doing a good job...So proud of you honey...

Its beautiful to hear that you love Mr.Deebi so much and he fills a void in your life..I am happy for you..I have come to realise that you are my my bbff and filling a void in my life...others here as well....my bbff...I need you...I shouldn’t have put pressure on you...to fill my void....It’s just that I care about you and I need to care for someone...

Mania is good, I don’t get that many..my bp seems to sit in depression more then anything else..when I do get mania I feel great on top of the world, which doesn’t last long...I’m okay with that though....

Its okay honey..no need to reply..I’m just so happy that you are okay and enjoying your time with Mr.Deebi...He sounds like the best medicine in the world for you..

Please look after you dearest bbff...forever in my heart 💓 and 💭...Love you deeply bbff...SSS...🐻🤗🕊🌱💜🦋🌹.

Care, love and hugs to all readers & posters..🌹💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...pubaok 🌹👼🦄. 🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

Hey there gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and all ☺

Dear Grandy you're such a beautiful caring soul. What a score having you as my bestest bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 thank you honey.

My back still everytime I get up clicks thank goodness a lot less pain it hurts sometimes but not all but horrid feeling.

The mid backs been hurting again and this is the 2nd time my shoulder arms hurting from my neck 😟 goes right down my arm. Meds help but need sleep after having them.

Otherwise ok thanks honeyheart 😄 just dandy ...wait up... 🍫...yip am now..wanna share with Mr Deebi 😍and I beautiful sss.

You too Grandy have filled a void for me too. Between you both I feel more whole again.

Can't explain how the AD's are helping I think but dull some parts although I'm still happy and me it really is hard to explain.

You don't put pressure on me sweetyheart 🤗 truth lovey. Adore you dear friend. Love you so much.

I remember and feel for you not having much mania. What a shame hun. Hard work both ways but wow those highs.

He really is great medicine he's a sweety just like you beautiful friend 🤗

I'm going to have another pill darl so I'll pop off and play some games watch TV and sleep again later.

Hope you're feeling brighter now beautiful lady. You're such a lovely person I'm so lucky to have you caring about me and very much vice versa gorgeous darling.

Tons of love time and care honeyheart and to you beautifuls out there as well 🤗

Thanks sweetyheart. Sleep well darlin Grandz 💗✨👼

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😚🔥💗👭🍫🦋😍🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all....🤗..

It’s so good about hearing how your feeling..but sad that your arm/neck and back is still giving you some hurts...If it hurts honey yeah take the meds and sleep..we don’t much feel physical or mental hurt when we’re sleeping...I can’t believe that I slept 12 hours last night...Although I was over tired after having to mow those blasted weeds again,,,still could sleep more but I want some day before it’s night again....

I think honey that the Ad’s just help us to try to take the edge of the deep ness we visit at times...sometimes they do..sometimes they don’t...I think the professionals believe they are wonder drugs...haha but no they are not..it still takes a lot of work from the one taking them to make them work at all....I mean we just can’t take them..then bingo we are great..we have to work along with them to get some sort of benefit...Just my thoughts..

I’m feeling okay Deebi...I don’t think it gets better then this for me..been a couple of years on these Ad’s..They must have reached their peak performance by now... It’s up to me now I guess...

Oh O...I played Homescapes for a couple of hours straight last night..because I got unlimited lives for 2 hours...😂😂..I like designing the house in the game...

I hope today is a nice happy day for you and your gorgeous Mr.Deebi...

Tons of love back to you..bbff..SSS..🦋💜🐻🤗🦄👼..and Thank you for sharing your chocolate 🍫😂..with you bbff..I have chocolate seeds that I’m going to plant today..fingers crossed that we get a chocolate 🍫 🌲....unlimited chocolate..I’ll let you know how it’s going and if it grows...

Big love honey..💓💜🐻🤗..

Care, kindness, love and hugs to everyone..🦋🌹💜🤗..

🤗Grandy..🦄👼 🕊🌱..

[demonblaster]

Hey there beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and good people ☺🖐

You're such a lovely Grandy thank you so much for being such a caring friend and always there 🤗

We went a few days without much day sleeps but have been again. The pills knock me about and I guess pain too. True in sleep the pain subsides but it is good to see daylight too agreed.

Oh we had a walk the other day had to stop a few times but was good. I need to go more often. Nah thought achilles was settling its not maybe need an op don't know. I'll see into it when the covid settles. The walk was lovely want to again.

Hey that sounds awesome making a house. Great having unlimited lives for a while isn't it. Good on you huns. They're fun the games. Starting to get Mr beautiful Deebi into them they're neat. Relaxing.

I like and agree honey what you said about AD's that's true. It all takes a lot of work doesn't it. Thank goodness it passes it's never easy.

Oh hun how good it'd be to grow chocolate oh have you had Lindt choccy omg tongue out..slurp..they're beautiful esp if room temp you get the juice from the round ones when you bite them mmmm.

Ok my beautiful have another 🤕 that's nearly gone just lingering somewhat and needed another med for shoulder but thats settled thank yay.

Hey still got your 🎁 in the shop being prepared polished shaped and arranged so don't think I've forgotten sweety love.

Tons and tons my lovely and to the beautiful kind friends here 🤗🍫

🌜🤗💜👩‍❤️‍👩👼✨🌹🏠🍫👭👨‍⚕️😍🌛

[blondguy]

Hey Hey DB 🙂

I noticed you mentioned the shoulder issue.....ugh! Besides being on AD's now my shoulder is clunking and clicking and painful.....omg...Isnt it fun getting 'older'?

Bear Hugs for you DB...always...

Hope you are doing okay DB...Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paul...and all....🤗..

Its nice hearing you went for a walk the other day..they are nice out where you live..I remember you found a nice quiet beach not that long ago..so good to go treasure hunting in the bushy areas as well as the beach when you walk...I found a little plastic leopard once years ago..I still have it...Some nice shiny rocks on the sand at Cullburra beach a few times....To far for me to go to the beach..love the salty air smell....

Hun..sorry your Achilles is still sore..yes maybe good idea to check it out when next at your Dr..umm your neck, back as well...will be good to talk about to Dr as well...not pushing you beautiful friend just suggesting....You know while your there..why not?..

Oh I watered the chocolate seed today..were expecting a little rain tonight/tomorrow..the rain water is magical on seedling..fingers crossed....

Poor your head..I’m wondering if neck causes your headaches...Not sure but I know when I strain my neck or shoulders...head starts as well...bit like Beasty the head....first chance it gets it joins in for a pain party..so not fair poor Deebi🤗..maybe a nice cool damp cloth across the back of your neck....

Oh Paul...yes isn’t it so much fun getting older....aches and pains on top of each other..🤗..

Rest Deebi...all you need to....honestly it’s okay here about replies....Even though I want to a hundred times a day...I feel bad talking to you..because your probably thinking..you now need to post back..but it’s okay..no pressure at all...my bad....I’m too clingy....I know that...🙇‍♀️..

Deep Love 💕, with big 🐻 🤗...and my care and kind thoughts 💭 bbff....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....🦄👼....

[demonblaster]

Hi there lovely Pauly my dear bbff Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and everyone ☺

So nice to see you Pauly thanks for your time budz.

It sure is a trial gaining yrs wow doesn't the bod throw it at us.

My shoulder pain comes from a neck injury. Presses on a nerve and goes down my arm 😲😪 no joy.

I really hope you're going ok with the AD's matey and that you're getting some reprieve. I know how hard it gets. Wishing you well always Pauly ☺🤗

Hey my gorgeous bbff 🤗
First up my dear friend please don't ever think you say too much or are clingy no no no never have I thought that or felt pressured from you I really love being with you. Your friendship and company honey are absolute magic truly. We're one 💜🤝

It is so beautiful here and peaceful. People are usually friendly here and I think even more with the covid restrictions. Nice I like a smile hi and quick chats.
Love every moment with Mr beautiful Deebi 😍 Grandy he's a gentle sweet man very easy to be with and love. It's good having walks with him too.

How lovely the plastic leopard that you still have. Oh Grandz if we were rl you could be here right at the beach 😢 one day sweetheart I so hope.

☺ you're gorgeous huns when I spoke recently about carbuncles (almost choofed thx to antibiotics) I mentioned my back again. It was a phone call consult. He sent the request a bit ago though so that's a start.
Shame I thought it was healing the foot but evidentally not.

Cool I'll send a sprinkle ☄ of special 🍫growing fertiliser. And a LOT of encouragement and kind words.

Yes hun the 🤕 they've said are from my neck. (Gp's)
The entire backs a big mess including the neck.

Huge love care affection and eternal friendship my dear friend.
You are one of the most beautiful people Grandy.
Adore you and want you to pubAok honeyheart. Lysvm awyis yadimh sss

Everyone please be ok 🤗☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🦄😚🤗