Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

You're a 🦄 breed of bbffs 👩‍❤️‍👩 aren't you 🤗 and for you loves out there too if you want a good soul hug

Thanks honey that was beautiful you never fail putting light into my life darlin friend. Best of the best 💜

I'm going to bed now much earlier than lately.

It seems those mutt memories and moods starting to rack off slowly.

I'm very clise to exhaustion going to concentrate on serious sleeping over the next few days else manias going to pop back for a lift, can't believe I'm going to try to avoid it.

Love our 🤝 memory lane walk thank you it was really nice 😀

It seems my back needs to click each morning or waking from sleep did and hurt a bit dammit been very careful and sliwly the thoracics healing but still a bit ify. Yes I will chat to GP to get or try at least to category 2. Need to be there

Had a little walk with mhw today stopped 3 times on way and back none or maybe once.

So tired Grandz

SO good hearing you're starting to pull back up sweet lady you really have incredible stamina and courage. Yes we're getting there.

Ok honey I'm going to hit the hay darling.

So much deep love dear friend I can't thank you enough for your kindness friendship security and care which goes for many here. Beautiful people deserve peace.

Roight where is it!

Nigh nite and thank you for saying those lovely things.

Night everyone. Dream well with peace xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Its okay honey...sleep as much as you need to..it’s the only way to get over the exhaustion that we get from bp...I found going to bed same time earlyish each night helps a lot both with exhaustion and mh...day sleep helps but it’s not the same as night sleep....It’s a matter of trying to get our body clock back into sync with ourselves again which is a natural way to strengthen our resources...both in physical and mh health.....Bp mania puts everything out of whack...

Good girl going to talk to the Dr...when you can...I’m proud of you for saying that.....I trust your word..Sorry about your back clicking on waking...Would gentle stretches on waking help you before you get out of bed..Not sure if it will help or worsen the click..be careful honeyheart....

Im also pleased I’m pulling up...I have to try everything that I can....being on my own it’s easy to throw my hands up in the air and give up...not try anymore....But we continue to win, to get those few weeks of normality..

I often think how lucky the animals are, the hidden tribes, even the caveman era, on how lucky they are/were to not have the rush of today’s life...not have to live up to expectations of others...They live/lived constantly in the now..not worrying about tomorrow or yesterday...Not sure if you understand that at all....

It warmed my heart that you saw your mhn and went for a walk, it’s okay if you stopped bbff, you done it and that’s the only thing that counts..I’m very proud of you for doing that...Deebi, honey can you please keep in touch with mh was much as you can...They are a huge help to us..They are extraordinarily people, with so much love, time and care for us..if they only knew how much they often save us from going deeper down...

I’m pleased the trip down memory lane help you..We will have lots more fun times, giggles, laughter, mind trips...Our imagination is our only limits on what we can down, whether it be a fantasy trip together, and to use it to escape beasty’s clutches...We are strong, we are unique, we are unbeatable...Please believe those words Deebi..have faith in you...hold onto that beautiful thing called hope and nourish it with good happy memories to make it grow..

Love you precious bbff..💜🤗🦋..Pubaok...🌜🌹🌛.yadimh.

My care, love and hugs everyone.,🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🕊🌱🌛..It’s achievable..

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

You really are so precious Grandy thank you for your beautiful post 🤗

Yesterday I managed to do the dishes, you should have seen the kitchen. Usually Mr Deebi 😍 and I use the liquid that's in the handle of a brush if you know what I mean so we do them as we go. In BP they mount up and up.

In mania I cooked another slow cook with Mr gorgeous my apprentice cute chef and Rissolles another day.

We could barely find bench space not a complaint from lovely. I said leave them for me. I always think of you when I do dishes with soapy water honey let alone always anyway.

Darling I've been reading at yours and here but I think for now this will be my lot tonight sweetyheart I haven't been in a bad mood but probs the most blaghh this episode but still being ok not cranky. Also slept a great deal today hoping a couple more for full recovery.

As per still battling intermittent 🤕. Actually woke free of.. I felt like having a party 🎉🎈🎊 think I have them 75% of the time joy but often even if I wake with a slammer I've worked out to get up and do normal things. Sometimes it choofs

Yes plenty more magic times Grandy.

Love you so much hun. So glad you're pulling up it's a hard ride isn't it lovely 😚🤗

Thanks honeyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦄🍫🤝🍎🍫⚘💪☺

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗.

I use that as well to wash up..but I still fill the sink with hot water and lots of bubbles..I use to many bubbles sometimes...It relaxes my hands and well I just like soapy bubbly water...especially when the bubbles get those beautiful colours in them....shhh our secret..don’t tell anyone...I still buy and play with bubble makers,.i pretend it’s for my fur babies..but it’s really for me.😂😂🧼..

Slow cooked meal are great, the meat comes out so soft, and the vegetables tastes vegetabley... 😆...I

In winter we don’t seem to drink as water, moreso coffe, tea, milo etc...I always take a bottle of water to bed with me...My Dr told me a glass of water before bed and a glass of water before rising...because our bodies go long hours without fluids when we sleep....If we wake and have our first fluids being coffee, tea, milo etc,..we are only dehydrating ourselves more....a glass of water first before your coffee beautiful honeyheart..

Betty told me the people who own the property across the road from me..is fixing the fences getting ready to bring the cows back...I can’t wait...I miss talking to them..I took some mooning lessons from the last lot of cows they had in their....So I am getting really good with my moo ing...oh that’s cow language...😂..just in case you weren’t sure..

Sleep as much as you need lovely bbff..I’m always holding your hands 🤝, and 👀 out for you....because I do really love 💖 and care for you heaps....🌜🐻🤗🌛...

My care, love and warm hugs to everyone...🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌛🕊🌱🦋🌛...

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Love and care so much about you sweetyheat 💜

I'll be back huns.

I reached out to help friends and ease the load. Seems I said the wrong thing! I've been told and told too much actually! Feel outnumbered disappointed & don't understand what I said wrong to the friend ..it was relevant. Pfftt

Feeling pretty slacked off hurt and useless tbh 😐

Really love you Grandz.

Catch you later lovely 😢

Thanks for your beautiful cheery post.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀⚘👩‍❤️‍👩

[Birdy77]

Dearest Aunty Deebstah,

If there is one thing in this world that you are not: useless.

Your zest for life amd compassion and basic all-round awesomeness shines through. Always!!!

Please!! don't be disheartened!!

Lots of love,

🌻tweets xo

[Ggrand]

Hell Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Birds , and everyone..🤗..

Deebi....honey as Birdy said...there is no way ever that your useless...🤗..

Im very proud of you that you reached out to help someone in need....you speak through your beautiful heart honey..I’m sorry that they made you feel slacked off, hurt and useless..your not any of those..please never think or feel those things about you...you could never ever hurt anyone...I know you too well...what you said was relevant, sweetyheart....maybe they were just hurting to much to understand and feel your care....

Deebi..you would be the very first person to put your hand up to help anyone that needs help...That’s because you have a heart of gold....

Please don’t let that berating Beasty into your head..telling you lies...listen to us..we know you..we love you and care for you because of your golden heart, unselfish, compassionate, kind, caring and beautiful soul...

Big, big, big hug beautiful bbff...🐻🤗🐻🤗🐻🤗...I love you......and your beautiful friends here love you as well...

Sending you my deepest love, care, kind thoughts and hugs..🦋🌹💜🐻🤗..pubaok....yadimh...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱💖🌹..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩......🤗..

I felt so much the need to call in to see how you’re feeling today..and also to let you know how very much I love and care for you...

Please don’t listen to Beasty...he lies honey..you’ve told me that so many times..I thought I would call in to remind of [IT]xx and it’s lies...

I off to bed now..I had a big day..before I go I wanted to wish you a beautiful and peaceful sleep tonight...I’m hoping with all my hope beautiful bbff...that when you wake and start your new day you’ll remember ...what an incredibly beautiful, compassionate, kind, loving, caring, outstanding person you really are...🌹🕊🌱..

Good night honey..close your eyes 👀, listen 👂 intently..Just tucking you in. and fluffing your pillow..I’ll leave these 🎧, on your bedside table just in case you need them...

Okay..just relax with your eyes closed....in no time at all you’ll drift of to sleep..and a 1...and a 2...and a 3..🎼🎺🎷🎹🎤🥁🎸 🎵🎼🎤....

Lullaby and goodnight, with roses bedight

With lilies o'er spread is Deebi’s cute bed

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed

Lullaby and goodnight, youre bbff’s delight

Bright angels beside my Deebi’s abide

They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake and be refreshed.

They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake and be refreshed..

Good night Deebi...and all listeners...🛌..

Much deep SSS love and care...4 eva..🌹🕊👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗💖..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🕊🌱🌹..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗.

Awe Deebi..3 more carbuncles....That’s so saddening....I was hoping they finished...I’m wondering what’s causing them..been thinking a lot today...wondering if since you found your beautiful Mr. Deebi if you’ve started eating, drinking anything different....or changed your washing powder, or soap, or shampoo, conditioner...face cream, perfume, moisturiser..etc...poor honey..are they going to be lanced or taken out?...

I know your saying your okay, and I believe you, but I’m still concerned..don’t know just a feeling inside me...

Please lovely Very best beautiful forever friend...please be okay...and if you need to talk I’m always here for you...Wish and hoping one day I’ll be there with you and Mr. Deebi...💜🦋👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I know your in recovery and not wanting to bother you too much here..please just relax and be very gentle and loving towards yourself...and sleep as much as you need to...

4eva your in my heart precious friend..with love, care, respect and many 💭 throughout the days and nights..

Sending you much love, care, kind thoughts and love..pubaok....👼🦄🕊🌱🦋💜🐻🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐩🐕🐆🐅👨‍💼🌛..our family..💜..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you?..

Did I say wrong on here...or talk to much...If I did I’m sorry..

Please if I did....let me know...I don’t know...

Don’t you want to talk to me here anymore...😢..

No pressure dearest bbff...just concerned..

Love you..💜🐻🤗..

Grandy...