Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

What a rough time you’ve been having. I feel you’re managing your mania as best you can, but it certainly sounds as though it’s taking its toll on you emotionally.

I’m glad you have your self awareness & tools to try to self manage. Also, I think it helps to have Mr Deebi by your side.

He sounds very down to earth, supportive & grounded.

He’s a beautiful human being just like you 🙂

Comfort, love & Supersoul hugs xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi...

I’m sorry you’re been bothered with horrible headaches and exhaustion...

I wanted to call in and leave you a Yummy chocolate Easter egg...I’ll just very quietly leave it on your bedside table...one for you and one for Mr.Deebi..I hope the chocolate helps your headache a little ..it does sometimes help mine..
shhhh..I’m quietly going into my 💼...down I go into the cool room..past the tool room, past the gift room, past the kitchen..bingo Easter chocolate room...oh ooo..come here, come one you little cutie come back...oh no another ones escaped..and another one..Their so quick...running around in my bag trying to catch the little darlings...oops too quick for me to catch them....there all running up the escalators...I trips over. I’m okay...and they all jumped out of my 💼.....😂😂120 baby 🐇and there all running around your home...oh wait..running back into my 💼...shh quietly sneaking into your room and putting some 🎧on you ears, and Mr. Deebi’s ears..🎧...while I go back and try to catch them all..Don’t want to wake yous up..

Jumps onto the lounge, missed bunny..oooooh over the top of your lounge I go...got one..oops, did have one, I lost it when I fell on your lounge..oh stop it..stop it..they are all over me, there tickling me..I can’t stop laughing 😂..a few are laying in my hair..on my shoulders...Getting up now they all scramble, behind the lounge, under the lounge, under the fridge, the table, the tv stand. Oh no they’re everywhere..😊..Ohh there’s a few climbing your curtains 😂...oh o the curtains are falling down..What a mess we made....sowwy..bbff..umm I umm have to go now..I’ll come back tomorrow and help you clean up....for now have some fun times with the bunnies 🐇..😂..

These are special Easter bunnies🐇..if you sit on the lounge, they will come to you..after you finish playing with the little dears....you can then just pat them until their asleep and then you can put them to bed..6th floor in our 💼...Oh if you have some carrots 🥕 they love them...

Sorry I left your house a mess and covered with little fur

🐇...I hope you enjoy them..they are really cute..

Happy Easter beautiful friend..love you deeply bbff...always will..💛🐇🦋🕊🌱🦄👼🌹🍫🥚..

My Care Love and hugs everyone..💜🤗🦋..and Happy Easter to you all..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩. 🐻🤗..

RUOK.?...🤗...

How are you honey, physical and mental dearest bbff?

I’m concerned about you Deebi...

You’ve been a bit quiet at yours, no pressure hun, if you need to talk I’m all ears 👂...and have a big shoulder with lots of tissues if you them...(shoulders are bigger since isolation...oops and so am I)..😁...

I have been thinking 💭 about you today..as always..and wondering what you’ve been up to...

I pulled some weeds out of my compost grass heap...that’s about all I’ve done...but that’s okay because I was outside in the nice sunny day we had today....

I thought I would make you a lovely sweet fresh hot lemon tea..to help you relax a little..and give you both some yummy hot buttered popcorn, I’ve had a craze for lately..

Not long and I’m in bed..been going around 9:30 - 10:30 pm each night..and what ever time I wake up is okay with me..

I’ll wish you a sound, peaceful and refreshing sleep..with some soft dreams about floating weightless on top of the fluffy ☁️ clouds...I think it would feel like just floating on the water and our bodies just following the waters movement...before you sleep honey close your eyes and think about laying on the clouds and feel yourself gently moving with them.....

Good night dearest Deebi, SSS sisters by choice, by soul, by spirit, Love you heapsly...💜🦋🦄🕊🌱🌈🤗....always in my heart...and thoughts..

My Care, love and hugs..everyone..🌈💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Daghh just lost a post.

I'm ok/not thank you so much bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗

Working on a BP post which I'll finish and want to reply to you & our lovely friends 💜 💗 that have supported me thanks so much.

love and care 🗯 & deep appreciation to youse all.

Grandy love bbl honey you're such an amazing friend love you deeply always 🗯 and security knowing you love and care so much 👼👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊☀️🤝

Nigh nite ☺🤗🤝🤕starting again!

[blondguy]

Hey DeeBee!

always a treat to see you.....just sending you some Bear Hugs in this difficult crappy time...I hope you are doing reasonably okay

you are amazing DB 🙂

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....🤗.

Awe really big warm caring hugs honey...

Its okay about reply’s..your not okay and I know how hard it is to get words to make sense when in bp downer..Please your first honey..take care of you, and no rush for replies..I’m relieved that you posted..I needed to hear from you in here...I was/am concerned about my bbff...🤗...

Do you feel up to talking honey?...it’s okay if you don’t, but it does help a little to get some things out of your soul...I am always here for you Deebi...with open arms and a caring heart....unconditionally..💜..

You are a beautiful person, with so many people here that love and care for you...Please bo okay..always bbff...

Sending you my hope..🌈, and all my care 🦋..beautiful lady...

I have hold of your hands..🤝, very tightly, I’m watching 👀 you closely, and listening with a big 👂...and holding you safely in my heart 💕 2 hearts joined by a golden tread..💞..

Thinking of you my bbff..If every time I thought of you a star disappeared...the sky would be empty....Love you dear bbff...Remember beautiful friend..we are the moon and the stars, together we shine so brightly that Beasty is blinded and has to choof off...

My care, love and hugs...🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼🌹🕊🌱.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Lass I'm just popping in to give you a big huggily hug

Paws

[Ggrand]

Dearest Beautiful Deebi,

Just calling in to wish you a good sleep tonight..and praying , hoping and wishing that your poor headache eases off tomorrow morning when you awaken.....

Good night..sss....You will alway be the sister of my soul, and the friend in my heart 💓....Love and bear hugs beautiful bbff..💞🐻🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌹👼🦄

[demonblaster]

You're such beautiful people I care very much about you all and have love for the beautifuls I've had the honour to meet and get to know.

Thank you from a very deep place in my heart 💗

Yes I would like to talk Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜 but best get to bed soon its after 1 a.m.

I'm good a lot of the time but god even the lowest of hypos still completely wipe you out including super lates or early morning beds early wakes 😲

The thoughts memories darkness but not depression so much this time it's such bloody hard work and trying to keep up with the cursing moods! Rollercoasters I love but this nah..pass. It's relentless. Nags. That's the down of it mostly for now but there's good as well. Tomoz if I get the post finished or later. Taking an age to post serious stuff.

Oh yeh you're so right it's near impossible to get the damned words out so often. It's quite funny trying to put sentences together at times let alone explain something.

I think it's just so bloody often it's wearing me down.

I am ok huns got a mhw visit tomoz good timing.

Extremely happy with Mr 😍

Bit or lot really of a whinge but ok truth loveys just releasing a bit of blaghh.

Dear Paws and Paul you're lovely people thank you for being that way they were really lovely visits 🤗

Grandy thank you so much you really get it don't you 🤗 I don't mean others don't it's that we have some same issues.

Anyhoo plenty of happies too. It's getting easier to hack knowing it'll pass and with enough sleep it'll all go into Hiding,

Night lovely ones hope you guys are in good spirits and coping too 🤗☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀🍎😍🙃🗯😴

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...🤗..
You do seem to be getting a lot more cycles this year then last year...I’m deeply sorry and wish I could be there for you..
I am slowly climbing up the mountain, from inside the crater I fell into....again...It doesn’t matter how many times we fall honey..But it does matter how many times we rise..If we fall 100 times we must rise 101 times..I mean. we fall, we crash, we surrender, we loose hope, but we never ever give up..we rise again and our hope rises with us...We are unbeatable..We are us...and we are strong....
Remember the good fun times we’ve had..A weetbix tree 🌲, that produced everything except weetbix😂..Deendy 🐉and our magical peaceful trips we had and still will on her...Your 🛴and how quickly you graduated through them 🚲🛵until your now the proud owner of a super sonic 🏍..Our star gazing nights✨💫⚡️...growing from friends to be the best bbff’s ever..
The memories, the darkness are temporary beautiful Deebi...They will pass, I know sweetheart that they hurt us hard and deep, but pass they will, until they do Deebi..Lean on us your beautiful friends here..hold my hand tightly 🤝🎀,which are tied together with love and support..Talk to me, and your beautiful friends here..My ears 👂are big, we are listening and ready to support and help you through this phase...You are our Demonblaster, 👿🔫and theirs no one else like you..You are unique, funny, loveable, strong, determined, compassionate, helpful, kind, and your also...my bbff..and many others are your friend...

We can and will beat beasty’s bad memories..and win with our own beautiful happy memories....

Love to you my everlasting, infinite bbff..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜💜..bear hugs🐻🤗..and so much time 🕕 and care 🦋 for you..

My kind thoughts, love, cars & hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱.