Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[monkey_magic]

Just wanted to say hello to everyone during these trying times, so hello.

So much has changed hey.

Hope U all find things to do at home.

I've ordered some canvases from eBay so going to get stuck into some painting.

Stay safe and stay well everyone!

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy, Magic..and all 🤗..

Thats okay about the ear/jaw..it’s all gone now😁..It 🏃🏼‍♀️ ran away with pain relief...I wished so much that pain relief worked for your back..🤗..

Im micro cleaning my bathroom today..trying to keep busy..how about you and Mr.Deebi, are you both keeping busy...maybe some more on your card, or a game of monopoly, or scrabble...hey what about a game of twister 🌪. I remember playing that at my friends house..we had lots of laughs the positions we ended up in😂..

I hope that your okay with the clubs closed..in a way it maybe will help you, with your addiction...cold turkey is hard honey...but do able...I’m with you holding your hand every second of the days/nights...

Yummy..Thank you Peppy..Chocolates for ALL...did you here that bbff..for ALL of us...not an 🍎 in sight..😂 ..yay!..

Magic..I love that your painting..My paintings look like an earthquake has been having fun with them.😂..

Ah..Auntie Grandy is Hoping so much that her beautiful soul sister will asap see about her neck..and contact the neurologist soon...🤗💜..Deep Love Honey...with all my care 🌈 that I have inside my heart..💖...Please stay safe..🐻🤗..

Everyone listening..Please stay safe, and wash your hands regularly, and stay away from other people...Granny Grandy is concerned for you all...

My care, love with hugs everyone..🌈💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🦋🧡🍫🍿🦄👼

[demonblaster]

Hey dear friends 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩

Thankyou for your lovely visits girls 😊

Just want you all to know I deeply appreciate you all and will bbl to reply ☺

Had a stinkin 🤕 all day and part of yesterday. Just going to rest my head. Probs shouldnt have played games. Had sleepy meds

Love you bbff always growing stronger 🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🦄🍎⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....🤗..

Rest dear bbff.....I’ll sit with you..and gently play the harp...Get well soon lovely friend..

🦋🌹🦄👼🌈🍎🐒🐘🐆🐅🐕🐩..

Big love, Care and hugs..💜🌈🤗..

Goodnight...Dearest bbff..🕊🌱.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi there lovely friends 👩‍❤️‍👩☘🐒and readers 😊

Dear Peppystar 🤗 hey lovely lady.

Yes it's lovely being with Mr Deebi it's very easy nice time the sweetheart 😍. We're ok keeping distance it's for everyones good.

My backs still clicking and at times hurting luckily not as bad as before geez. What a good idea a video chat. I'll for now see how it goes and am on the list to see a neuro but they would be slowing atm and might at a guess take yrs depending on how it goes.

Grandy she's such a treasure I'm so so glad we met. Thanks Peps it is nice seeing friendships & people getting on isnt it.
I also like seeing your friendships lovey 😊

Ohhh baby I've always loved you 🍫 thank you very much. Sure I saw an 🍎 there for Grandy didn't I 😆
Love and care sweet friend and thanks for the gorgeous hugs always ☘

🐒 Heya darl nice seeing you thanks for the drop in hun.
Sounds like you'll be kept busy with your painting good on you.
Hope you're well.
Take care darl 😊🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩 hey gorgeous 🤗😀 so comforting when you say to rest up thanks Grandy love 🤗
Yay 🤕 finally choofed. Phew. Honeyheart 💜

We had 3/4 days without day sleeps and have the last couple days. I think it's healing too.

You're so sweet 😚 it'd be so good if the back rot would go.

Yes we're quite happy at home and jigsaw TV shopping occasionally, sleeps. All good thanks.

Yip I'm fine not going to the pokies was on the net as well. No probs tho its on my mind but ok thanks huns.

Ohhh what a shame that you didn't spot the 🍎.. 😂 ..that's ok hun I got a couple more for you so you weren't left out see I'm good like that 😆

Thank you gorgeous Aunty Grandy and Granny Grandy ya sweetyheart 🤗 When I see them re back I'll chat about neck if I cant get back before.

Love you very deeply dear gorgeous lady 🍎🍫oopsy 🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🐘🦄👀

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi & wave to Mr Deebi,

I see the lovely Peppy generously offered choccies for all. You have been such a considerate friend with giving Grandy apples in place of the choccies & taking her choccies to yours. So I thought with such an inspirational example before me the least I can do is to throw myself into the breach & eat all the choccies at your place for you. I will even leave some healthy greens for you both in their place. 😆

It's good to hear your being gentle with your back. While they say it's best to keep moving, don't forget to ask Mr Deebi to step in & do some things for you. He sounds like such a sweetie I'm sure he will love feeling he can help ease your hurts. Please lass, do keep nagging your Drs, I know they are cutting back for the next few months but they are still doing high priority cases & even if they stop those, you need to be near the front of the queue when things get back to normal.

Sending gentle hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Sweet Paw 🐾..Waves gentle Peppystar.. 👋..

Im just popping my head in around the corner and wishing you a beautiful restful sleep..bbff..and everyone listening...

Oh .Yes please.. I took all the 🍎..back to mine.....as many as I could find..Peppy whispered in my ear when she dropped the off that those are chocolate covered liqueur chocolate ..made to look like 🍎...😂 too late now Deebi..I have hidden them safe..from prying eyes and grabby fingers..😂👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Hmm I had one tonight..I think it was Kahlua...you would have loved it...

Please take good care of you special precious bbff..Love you so much...💜🕊🌱🌈🦋...Please stay and be safe ...yadimh...and my 💭...🐻🤗.

Goodnight Deebi and everyone..Wishing you all a beautiful deep slumber tonight..with a visit from the Sandman with peaceful dreams..

Love, care and hugs everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🐆🐅🐕🐩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍💼....🦄👼

[demonblaster]

BP day ? 5/6

Hiyaz bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 😊

2/3 days before mania still pumping a little too much atm. Nearly 2.30 am I'm trying to settle the excitement coming on amidst feeling throughout the day not depressed or a bad mood but definate beasty presence. Not in good spirits...

• Seeing most things in a negative light
• Self doubt often
• Insecurity frequently
• Questioning all sorts of things
• Thinking of negatives in people
• Memories of deep pain & feeling it again (c-ptsd]
• Occasional scenarios of having arguments. Seriously what's the score there. Maybe it's an outlet for anger resulting from over tiredness from mania that restricts sleep ( could have but no sleepers yet 👍 Some nights a couple hrs to sleep others konk out. Up early from mania & several days at times severe headaches all day. It's the mornings I wake with bad dreams & bang bang head. Wish it'd give me a break!

Although superb manias stressful.The body tightens being pumped. Mood can vary in a nano second.

I'm improving at hearing beasty thoughts that bombard in every way possible to pull you down & letting them flow through including ptsd memories.

Mania makes absolutely everything easier tho ironically still hard work.

Said it before it's mind blowing cause it shows you the way on every level how to achieve goals including hacking beasty depression.

Pulled out of the mood. I mostly can be my normal self happy joking converse etc.
I don't like in myself being snappy/quick off the mark/picky /impatient etc or doing that to people. Underneath a different story.

Lifting up had me talking more. Lucky for Mr love this is very type 2 (hypo (low) mania. Apart from that he said no difference. I'm able to listen more and have quiet times atm.

2/3 days before I became aware of being in mania ? 3rd day in I had a whopping big hard cry (not as often now with AD's) from a convo with my darling. When we talked no agro I heard the rest of convo that unintentionally wasn't said and turned out awesome so I lifted apart from feeling like a train wreck from crying.
Funny thing I was a bit hurt but not depressed.
Dear Mr love wasn't being hurtful at all. Not at all in his demeanour.

👩‍❤️‍👩 & 🐾 loven the 🍎 laughs. Bbl to reply my lovelies nya ha ha ... runs off and changes cape..

Thanks for listening.
Wishing the best for everyone ⚘

Grandy love BPaly honey 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗👀🤝

[monkey_magic]

Hi Db,

You are very self aware, love that.

I'm also up.

Keep fighting the good fight.

So, I'm not the only one with banging headaches...

Keep strong.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Magic and all....🤗..

I agree with lovely Magic that you are brilliant with your self awareness....

The mixed cycles are so exhausting poor my bbff...

1. Seeing things in a negative light...Think opposite from this..You are strong, beautiful and can change the negative light into a positive sunbeam... ☀️.
2. Self doubt often....You have a beautiful soul, you are powerful, helpful, compassionate, and caring.🦋.
3. Insecurity frequently....Mr.Deebi, Grandy, friends in r/l..friend on this forum...all love and care for you.💜.
4. Questioning all sorts of thing...That’s okay..but if questioning yourself the answer is...You are safe with Mr.Deebi..He loves you...You are a lovely kind, generous, loyal and strong person..who won’t believe Beasty’s lies...
5. Thinking of negatives in people...Sweetheart the people who are your friends, family, only want the best for you..They have to be good people because they love and care for you...
6. Memories of deep pain and feeling it....This is what I’m going through atm and I’m deeply sorry..it’s hard to manage..I’m trying to do things that need my full concentration...to block the thoughts and feeling out..

1. Occasional scenarios of having arguments...That’s Beasty trying to cause a break in your friendships with your beautiful friends..Please don’t listen to it...Keep your friends in your heart..and remember all the good fun things about them...

Deebi ..honey if you need your sleeper please take them..Sleep is needed to get us through these tough times..I’m bedding at 7.30pm and waking at 8.30am..Long sleeps help us to recover quickly..The sleepers are their for you to get you through these tough exhausting times....

I’m starting to pick up a little the thoughts are slowly disappearing into the hidden parts of my mind again...I know they will be awaken again..but until then I’m grabbing all the sunshine that I can..It’s just a small beam atm, yet it’s enough to grab hold of and pull the rest of the sunlight into me......We are strong and unbeatable..We are us..

Deep love, care and respect precious bbff..🦋💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🌱

My Care, love and hugs everyone 🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🦋🕊.