Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi darl I replied last night not landed yet I don' t think.

🤗 thanks hun xx

[demonblaster]

I hate you being so sick that's insane the 6 wk bs, what about emergencies, you need help now not in 6 bloody wks. Daghh. You poor darling. Big hugs 🤗⚘

I got up for you hun today I'm not down.. just being.. but ok

Having good sleeps but just wanna keep going back to bed well and truly caught up from the last few mths. I'm ok hun it's you we need to concentrate on can you get to hospital lovey this would be hard on your ticker too. Love you dear Grandy don't like you being sick 🌹

Friend couldn't find my place I usually go to theirs so was close by the sounds but went back home. Yeah this chooky she's amazing Grandy love her deeply. She said again to thank you for your kindness, see you touch so many hearts.

Grandy please please be ok huns

Sorry yes Flicks is cinema, yeah thought of you when I saw the hobbit advertised I know you like fantasy I like action although don't watch as much more drama these days and like sci fi, martial arts, true stories. MIL likes the game shows too. She's beautiful love her very much too Grandy, going to stay when I get a bit better.

Never ever let go of your hand dear lady always close to you do love and care about you Grandy please follow through with medical help you need looking after lovely friend.

Big love 💗💜💑🌹 be safe and ok 👀

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

It just so lacking Drs out country NSW.. If anyone goes to the ed at our hospital if it's not life threatening they are sent home..and told to contact there gp...if it's life threatening then one of the younger new doctors who are sent out here on a six months learning residency. are called in to stabilise and then they are transferred to the nearest hospital..70 klms always..

I'm not sure but I think I have an appt with my gp soon. I haven't had a psych appointment now for 2 months, psych cancelled last appointment due to being not well still hasn't rang me back to reappoint. I hope she does so soon as, I need to talk things out...Feeling overwhelmed a lot lately..

I'm sorry you didn't get to spend time with your friend last night, but you were in both each other's heart, and that is so important too.. Your mil sounds like a caring woman.Deebi..I'm so happy for you..

Deebi, I will try my best on Tuesday to go to the Drs, but I know no appointments will be available. It's not good and I know things need changing out here...

Ok I need to get up..I'm going to try and get up and sit outside in some sunshine for a while... maybe the warmth of the sun will be helpful...Oh looking forward to our campfire Deebi...toasted marshmallow yummy..I will bring heaps of marshmallows..

I really hope your day is a bright day with plenty of love and care going your way special lady...

Love you Deebi..💜🌹🦄🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...

[demonblaster]

You are so lovely I love hearing from you and read your amazing post to Doolsy seriously you're an incredible lady wow so glad we met and click so well. Easy to love 🌹

Ouch the fly the little turd lol esp when you let it be.. geesh ungrateful or what 😮

Yes Mil shes a treasure Grandy we had moments along the way but a love so pure shes a real sweet.

I cooked Rissoles for our lunch with spud, zucchini and beans oops forgot the onion but they're still nice good you ate all yours up.

Thanks glad you're going to try and get in to GP sounds poor to say the least. Glad you're in the sun soak it up lovey let it heal your body ⚘

Been thinking for while bout our bonfire oh yeah loven the marshmallows cool haven't had them in a camp fire melted before you can teach me 😊 and our stars, I still think of my darling and you when I see them.

So we need to collect kindling, you rest lovey I'll get it.

Oh feeling a bit more normal today.

Love and care darling Grandy 💜💗🌹🦄

Be ok hun 🤗😚

[startingnew]

I understand what you mean now sl, I think that feeling though is rather common and everyone experiences it at some point (often more than once)
With pain and MH it can make things more difficult so understand that part too. Sometimes I dont think we actualy need a purpose. Our purpose of being born is to simply enjoy life, the rest is what you make of it.
SL what are some things you would like to do, or wouldve liked to have done if you had the chance?
I remember you saying you done abit of nursing- so what about tutoring students in that area or even expanding your knowledge in that area through an online course
Or perhaps theres another area of study that you could do at tafe or online if that suits you better?
What are some things that make you happy?


I dont think its ever to late to build a better life, of course its hard without your partner however im sure that he would want you to be happy- if a relationship is what your after maybe a dating site would be ok for you?

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi..

Special delivery to the sweetest, most caring, kind special dearest friend..

❤️...Love

🦄..Magic

🕊..Peace

🤗..Warm hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹..Grandy...

bbl 😘

[demonblaster]

Ok SLD lovey mine landed too below your last one. Hope you're still in less pain and a bit brighter. Softly softly 🤗🦋

Haha love it thank you sweety lady you're 🦄 you are so gorgeous Grandy Floss 😚 do you want Grandy, Floss or mixed or ? So glad you liked that before 🤗

hope you're feeling better, don't like you being crook

Walked today, got bits tomoz can't get my up and go happening. Loving my sleep. I'll get blood tests done sometime soonish

❤🌿💗

[Ggrand]

Good Night my sweet Deebi,🦄

I had to call in and well just say good night and tuck you in..You have been such a huge help to me Deebi, by staying close to me..

.When you said floss, I can't remember but not bad memories of being called flossy. don't know who by but when I heard you say ....you ok floss...it bought a smile to my face and warmed my ❤️..

I have a catch 22 situation this week Deebi, my second sons birthday, first one I will been able to say it to him and he will hear me...only by phone..but Deebi, I'm excited.....But Deebi the same day I knew... ...I need to think only of those words I have been waiting to tell him for so many years....

Youre so lovable Deebi, love that you love your sleep...lol wish we could put the extra sleep we slept into my ..lol. 💼 then when we can't sleep bingo drag out the extra energy we got from it..

It's hard to get that up and go happening, Do you have friend to see or meet this week? I'm glad you went for a walk today...Deebi I went for a small walk, but so puffed out after, then slept again, then hot bath ..now I'm here looking at your smiling colourful avatar.. talking to you and feeling warm and safe with you by my side..thank you..💐..

Oh I forgot to tell you, those rissoles you made , I enjoyed them, with yummy Spud , zucchini and beans...I took them outside Deebi so we ate them in the sunshine, love you..I hope you know that Deebi..🕊..

Good Night sweetheart, please sleep deeply and dream of peace.. I'm L 👀 king out for you and watching over you honey, .i hope tomorrow that your day is better then today's and you have a brilliant light shining through you beautiful soul..

Love and care deeply Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄..

[Just Sara]

Hiya Deebee Chooky! (And waves to all her bff's)

Thought I'd pop by and spread a few feathers while I peck around the yard. 😛

Sending many precious and squeezy bear hugz your way to brighten and comfort your day. Deserving of it you is! Sounds like a 'get well soon' card hey. Well, it could be.. it all rhymes. 🙂

Btw; gimme a rissole any day! Love bonfires too..

I love the nick-names you give people hun. Jeez, you're so good at it. You remember that 'Sez' came from you don't you? Well, it did. Just sayin'..

Gotta go my sweet. The dog's sick and vet's appt's early so off to bed we go.

Thinking of you..

Sez Chooky xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

I’m always happy to “mind” your chocolate 🙂 Just don’t demand to do a choccie stocktake! Lol.

You lunch sounds delicious. Yummy rissoles and what’s this about cooking marshmallows on a bonfire? That would be fine especially during the cooler months.

I’m happy to hear you’re going on for walks 🙂

Birdy: our beautiful, defender of animals. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Not that it lessens your pain but I’m glad you found a way to honour her memory; her life. An avocado tree...beautiful. I bet she would have loved playing (pecking) around the tree in her time.

A big, warm hug from me (only if you’re into online hugs). You, your partner, your late chook and her sisters are in my thoughts today ❤️🐥

Sez: I know you absolutely love your little dog so I’m hoping for the best at the vet. I really hope he will be okay. Sending love to both of you ❤️🐶

Super soul hugs to all,

Pepper xoxo