Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs, I finally managed to find my way back here to say hi. Sorry it took a while, but you know I've been thinking of you regardless. Dont you?

Well havent you been the little social butterfly? Good for you, it all sounds like fun, and I know you need social interaction. So well done.

So good to hear that your pain levels are gradually reducing. Even though you often wake in pain, at least its no longer an unbearable constant pain that it was before. I see that you are also doing your regular trekking up and down the hills. No doubt that would be helping with your sleep to some extent too. Although you seemed to indicate that you are sleeping a lot anyway, which is perhaps just the stage of BP cycle you're in, rather than all that exercise you're doing.

Do you have anything happening over the weekend - any more BBQs or TT or anything else?

Sending you a lot of love and kindest thoughts.

Mandy

[Jaynie57]

Hi don't know where to start. I am feeling like just getting away. I feel I can't talk to family or friends. I need a place to talk to others, in similar circumstances. I feel lonely? ?

[Guest8901]

Hello Jaynie, and welcome to Beyond Blue. If what you are looking for is a place to come and talk to others in similar circumstances to yourself, then you have indeed come to the right site. You will find many caring people here who will understand and support you.

However, the thread you have just posted to is a support thread of an existing member. The lovely Demonblaster (or Deebs or Deebi). Now there is no problem at all if you would like to contribute to this thread, as you are welcome to post to any existing thread. But it may mean that you will not receive the normal welcome that most new members receive when they first join. If you create your own introductory thread, existing members will find you much easier and you will get to meet more members.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. Is this normal for you with a weekend just around the corner? I would love to hear more about you, and that will also allow other members a chance to get to know you and respond to your posts.

Can you do me a favour and create your very own thread? Select the ALL POSTS tab. Click on WELCOME and ORIENTATION. Then on the top right you will see a blue tab called NEW THREAD. Type in a title name for your thread. Then in the main body of the screen give us some details about yourself and what has brought you here. Then when you're done, select Post this Thread. Your thread should then appear for all existing members to see and hopefully respond to. I will keep a look out for you if you like. I hope my instructions are adequate.

Amanda (Mandy)

[Chloe_M]

Hi Jaynie, as Mandy said, welcome!

ill be looking for your thread too 🤗

xx chloe

[demonblaster]

Hi and thankyou all for your time and care 🤗

Peps so glad you're such a mate and happy to look after my choccy 👀

Mandy you're a sweety finding time with so muuch on in your life xx I think now sleepings to pass time. Not really anything to get up for. Might go to flicks tomoz

Birdy hate that you're hurting so much its sad. She sounded like a great mate. 🤗 to you hun

Jaymie welcome to BB ☺

I'm a bit lost 😐

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

Im really sorry I haven't been here for you, I've really not been at all well..I'm usually never physically sick...No energy at all to get out of bed, when I do I'm dizzy.. Glands are so sore and swollen, lol I have no voice....geez Deebi, you'll have to pick me up, put me in a wheelbarrow and tip me onto my bed soon..lol I'm on the lounge now..maybe I stay here tonight..

Deebi, I heard you say, " not really anything to get up for"..I only know that feeling so well..but honey you have to get up for you...if not then maybe for me....."Maybe go to flicks " is that a cinema". If so I hope you enjoy what you watch...

Awe honey, I'm so much looking forward to our campfire 🔥 ..Um can we wait until I feel a little better....When I read what the pressie was I was so excited, a campfire under our stars, I can't wait...

I hope you are doing good Deebi..I'm missing you soo much and I get concerned about you when you don't talk....

Please be okay..Stay with me and still hold my hand...

Love and care deeply for you Deebi🌹💜..🦄🕊 🐉🔥

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Ahh Grandy so good to see you geepers you're not well at all are you, not good lovey what can I do for you apart from stay over Ok firsty lets get a nice luke warm honey drink into you and while your sipping that you poor darling I'll get your cloud bed sorted yeah you've got your little slippers on the one with the broach on it, geez don't like you being so crook hun. Sleep as much as you can and plenty of water lovely. I'll do another batch of healthy soup.

Poor thing you've got a hard dose.

Missed you too. Think about you 🌹

Maybe visitor later, new friend rang I like her and other that was sick texted. Lunch later next wk with her, she's a beautiful chooky

Gotta do things it's just doing. Frustrating

Grandy sometimes I just sit in quiet no tv sound other times some flute pan pipes watch tv haven't read much more but want to. Walked so that's good. I'll get up for you..thank you for being so lovely ☺ You need to get well, how bout GP visit you'd be easier writing it down.

Care deeply and love you dear Grandy friend, please be ok 🌹🤗😚💑💜🕊⚘👀

[startingnew]

Hi DB

you said your abit lost? whats happening for you to make you feel abit lost atm?

[demonblaster]

Hard to explain Starts its like what...what am I sposed to do where should I be what should I be doing.

Trying to get use to being alone. 14 mths I needed to but distracted myself to get through the worst but your mind still has to go through the motions.

Just feel like full stop, nothing.. but there is, people love me and I them just can't move

Ok ..just not happy ..not down.. just here..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄

Thanks Deebi, it has to go away soon, I hope, geez, it wants to pull me down but,,I'm holding strong and sleeping away beastys instructions..I'll be okay..Deebi...To get to see a Dr here, is strickly by appt..which usually is about a 6 week wait...Ridiculous..

Deebi, we have two Medical Centres here..6 doctors, and with the big town population and smaller ones around 4,000 People, Our hospital is not functioning, no Drs at all, it's an ambulance stop over between the larger towns, they call a dr in if there is a stop off emergency only...No operating theatres etc.. nothing at all....Over one and half hours to hospital from mine..Just going to a Gp..takes 6 weeks waiting...

Love the pan flute so much..thank you Tony wk..I always think of you when I put Leo Rojas on...I hope your doing okay Tony..How are you feeling?.

Im happy for you honey, a new friend plus your other friend..lunch next week. I remember before you said she is a beautiful friend to you, also Deebi you are a beautiful friend to her....Love hearing about beautiful friendships..I can see by here how much of a wonderful r/l friend you are...sigh...sigh...

Deebi, Where I live the radio connection is just about non existent, we have the stations that everyone has plus the community radio, but signal in this town no way...all I get is static....TV...not a big fan..I do like the game shows...and some movies moreso fantasy..Hobbits was on last night..and next two Fridays so will be watching...Mostly I have nothing on here at my home...just quietness....Here is no cars, people, planes, kids..just birds etc..My psych says no good too quiet.. now when my minds to chatty I try to sleep or earplug in with Music on my phone...

Good Night Sweet Deebi,..I hope you sleep good tonight..so needing company tonight Deebi.. feeling so much loneliness atm..boyo it's trying to drag me down..but nope I'm trying..

holding you tightly as always, stay close Deebi..

Care and love you deeply Deebi...🦄💜🌹.....💐🍫..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy