Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Awe thank you Deebi,

That sounds hard to do...

Im pleased the stars calmed you and you seen them like I do...amazing aye Deebi..they calm me most times...

Having trouble understanding. acceptance vs fighting..and now REBT...feeling the pain...wouldn't that be worse to feel the pain? I think I need help understanding these two...

Okay honey, I let you sleep now..I'm going to try to sleep had roughly a 7.5 hour drive..hopefully I'll sleep reasonably well tonight.. I hope you do sweet Deebi. 💜. bbl if I don't/ can't sleep...take care my special lovely. friend, I'm not leaving you tonight or ever.. just taking 40 winks...

Thank you or your time..🕙..very much appreciate you.💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[demonblaster]

😊 Same it's taken me a long while to understand and it looks like I'm wrong saying not to feel the emotion although at times it helps. I've never thought it's healthy to hold pain inside and reading around what these amazing people say here about acceptance vs fighting is basically not fighting but feeling it then letting it flow through, as opposed to holding it in. Someone might have been Quercus said we can't stop the pain or we'll always have it (to that affect)

Quirky I think it was or Quercus once said on your thread so beautifulLy and gently about fighting it causes anger or that drift anyway. When we're angry or defensive it puts walls up and blocks I guess keeping the angst inside.

Stress needs out so by feeling the pain which we do anyway, then letting it flow through and away. Makes sense cause a psych said our brains have to have the thoughts so as they say it's how we deal with them you good thing 💜💗

Thank you for everything I really mean it you're a beautiful person and look after me so well. SO glad we met💜 🤝 💑

You all do I am so grateful beyond words. You make me feel safe understood and secure knowing you guys are there and.not giving up on me wow ..,soo much comfort in that. Helping so much. Love you deeply 🤗

You're all incredible 💗 I'll NEVER forget

You people are proof of such good in a hard but also good world. I wish peace for you all too ⚘🕊

Grandy this is for you 🌹 it's ever lasting even if you forget to water it. Hope you like Pink, if not you can pwetend it's purple. You're the one that's being a GOOD girl ☺You just keep blowing me away. Love our friendship 😚🤗🦄

[Sapphire_]

Hello lovely Deebee.

Just popping in to wish you a peaceful night.

I read your reply to me a few posts up. Thank you. Is your pc fixed?

Struggling for words so i will just say goodnight.

❤Sapphire

[Guest8901]

For you beautiful Deebs. 💝 🌴 🌺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

Wow, it sounds like you’ve had a bit of a personal revelation 🙂 Impressive work there.

Thank you for the beautiful post. You’re pretty incredible yourself too, you know that? We love you for you.

I read your post from a couple of days to me. You sound like a nice laidback friend. I’m glad you can happily transition from lighter to deeper conversations and vice verse. Versatile communication skills at its best 🙂

Sorry, I’m not sure if i understood your comments about lashing out when upset properly. Do you mean you’re trying to manage extreme emotions when upset?

Super soul hugs,

Pepper

P.S. I’m glad seeing “Heart of hearts” and “Dusk till dawn”around the place warms your heart.

[Peppermintbach]

And of course

xoxo

❤️

[demonblaster]

You're a sweety dear Mandy thank you they're lovely I'll plant the gorgeous palm next to the Weetbix tree which is laden with mini Weetbix tinsys and you wouldn't believe it must have scored some Rice bubble seeds in the wind and half the trees got them hanging off the very ends of each leaf it looks amazing in the moonlight under the stars. 🤗

Pepstar hey darl always nice to see you, hope you had a good break 🤗

Yes hun in BP downs the stress is immense and in ups actually too even though they're amazing and I have in the past let it rip or said something that I could have said in a nice way if someones said something to spark it, I've learnt now recently from here to tell people I'm struggling if I have to be around them in these times, (recently learnt that) or I've taken it wrong (often the case) and hate myself for it and I make a huge effort not to be a cow, mil acknowledges that, she's sooo beautiful and supportive. It's like Grandys good analogy of a volcano building with such force. It's been maybe a handful of times and that was when I had less control and with the people concerned were things that bothered me but didn't want to pull them down so instead I did worse, hurt them. (Verbally) of course apologised but the harms done. Makes you feel worse I don't like it so it's harder to not react but I'll go that way rather than go off. It's not necessarily unwarranted just needs to be said in calm times. Short answer 😆 yes trying to manage extreme emotions.

You're a really lovely supportive friend Peps I hope your lifes going in the direction you're wanting and no need for reply to this, that you're finding some peace and hope you're getting some art time in ☺🤗 thank you for your lovely comments ☘is it 3 or 4 leaf clover for luck.. so whichever it is, is for you darl and don't think I've given you a 🎁 before..it's a one of a kind mind you 🍫 or if you prefer 🍬 and NO calories...when u eat it up it re appears like the Tim Tam pkt..wait up ..no calories...ummm..awkward...can I have that back...😶 shuffles feet ..grabs and runs off 🏃‍♀️leaving a gorgeous ⚘ 🤗

Thanks always for your time and support Pepsims ☺

[Ggrand]

Good Morning, treasured friend, Deebi🦄.

I think I understand, but hard Deebi, I went with the downers when they came for a couple of weeks and it was hell, in the bottom of whatever can't describe where the bottom is...that's when that trapped feeling gets me and I need escape..I will try what you and others are saying next time.(hope there is no next time )..feeling okay now just meh... out of episode I hope...Geez these are so horrible..

Thank you for the beautiful pink rose, I will keep it with me always to remind me of your beautiful soul..

Love you Deebi.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹..

[demonblaster]

You're so beautiful Grandy.

I knowv you'll get there, and the way yo'ure doing it blows me away. you're open to hearing different ways which is a must isn't it.

My main issues atm I skimmed over before are coping through the extreme downs god like you said you just can't describe the bottom and the trapped feeling same Grandy it takes over, I think it's the stress of being so low finding an out so I'm doing the REBT or just breathing both working and being aware to calm down to. It's mighty, so overpowering both. I know we've got the strength to rise above but learning remembering and practicing.

Motivation has been a no go for as long as I remember, recently I started doing things which only happens in mania so it might have been that but Learning from here I consciously made the effort where in mania it kinda happens, maybe bit of both but happenings burst the bubble. Zoom South. Push through? It's such a powerful force saying nah

Hate being so damned sensitive tho in good times I like myself 65% ish, in bad it goes to 15% or less and way more sensitive good ole beasty at it's best

Impulse Tony said about ageing being good and it's right about thinking first as we slow down. I'm a young mind for my age there's maturity in there but pfftt. Impulse takes over in good times and bad I get so excited easily over riding thinking through, practice too I guess. A GP once said he thinks in my between times I'm hypomanic which kinda could be. Mind you one time when he said I'm ok now I hadn't told him the reason I was leaning part of my body on his desk (was sitting) was at extreme depression and total exhaustion.

So much to say. I need to learn to say bits at a time not all in one go for peoples sake although they like/love me I do listen too but the main times I'm quieter are the betweens often in downs to pull up I talk a lot then too. Damn this head it's friggen hard work.

I'm going to join another MH group soon heard of them here and rl, excellent MH support bloke saw today approached it. I did reach out but she didn't ring back, I'm friends with a couple that go but that wouldn't have worried me if I didn't know anyone.

Eating better but still tho backing off bingeing.

Thanks listening ☺

[demonblaster]

Lovelies Hi ☺

🤗 your post was amazing SLD 💕 I was looking for something & hadn't thumbed it so caught it. I'd forgotten you'd said it wasn't through

I thought more so I was taking it in the wrong context but wanted to check and then lovely Chloe saying similar. No probs guys thanks ☺

I believe but might be wrong there's more for a few reasons. Hope plays a big, not for my life (though I've had SO many happies too) but to continue love with ones that have left. I also look at other possibilities for happenings. My theory is let's say a thousand people claim they saw a UFO. At least one would be accurate

I'm glad you have your Nans perfume 🤗 a close friend experiences similar. Do/did the bells unsettle you? Cool the rainbow, would you like me to pop it in posts at random might give you a lift in down times with an incredible feeling attached if not that's ok.

3 things. I said to love if you can do something 3 times cause once or twice could be a coincidence or ? reason. Smoke detector here very rarely goes off. We'd given up for 6 yrs. Having a bloody durry on balcony and thought oh some poor persons alarms going ...wait on that's mine, thinking back it went off more than 3 times but 3 were in succession when I went back inside. Hasn't before like that or after. I ran a couple of ?'s past the bloke when he was checking it. A friend pointed out he's saying he's slacked off me smoking lol (had to make him give up with me, some smokers really don't want to moreso) but I knew it was my darling

Others later. Starts saying no pressures great. I do feel guilty not being there for others but it's just too hard at times even in this thread

Toxic triggers I'll talk to Tony more soon about that, was what I was looking for. It's not worse for me being here it's better to a large degree but I'll have to give it more thought too re triggers

Bet I missed something, nice chatting Starts 😚 Really thank you