Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

There are times when I really need to talk but I cant get it out, had this in my teens when I was suicidal I went to a place and the lady was so beautiful I couldn't find my voice but like times here when its taken literally hrs for a post if I stay with it, it comes.

Bbq was good but my heads not at all, came up a few times and chatted lovely people in same boat and support workers beautiful too usually I'm the up beat hapoy one cheering everyone, they were lovely to me esp a good bloke I knew before this he talks gentle good sense hell of a nice guy. Yes thank you Birdy lots of hugs and I'll take them from yous too Birdy and guys 🤗 xx you know I rate you highly too don't you ☺ love what your saying in Mr Jays thread & to me 😚

It's bloody scary where ya go. At least now they're not deepest continuals with no break. Yes will come out the other side then I'l have a lot of catching up to do here, I feel stink but withdrawings needed in these times.

Damn the neck! Was getting better! Was suggested a legal option for pain relief I'll suss simiLar but still need to find a way around the cause.3 times its stopped not my choosing. First was hard the rest meh but ok, if again major shame but memories,.Bed soon it'll all be better after catch up could be a few days haven't walked as much think that could be extending recovery time, hard hills some & being overweight and I go ok pace some of them

Like the Rumi. Yes go for it sweet thanks asking, so glad you like it it's amazing isnt it. The wisdoms so powerful and on point.

You are a child of the universe and no less than the trees and stars ..you have a right to be here

Tweety do you have a personal thread ❤ that your fave colour?

One of the guys at bbq said he would and gave me a nice necklace I wear a few Black Onyx and a falcon from harry potter on it. I'll get another chain one day.

Tony that was thoughtful and very good of you to let me know thank you. Appreciated ☺

I'm going to get there guys but my god it's yes happening but my pace has to be slow I'm not feeling overwhelmed now here to catch up but still figuring it all out how to manage threads and everything here but it'll happen. Rang good but same lies. Loyal or reason for everything I don't know but good person

💗 thank you life lines ⚘

Reminder to self. Quirky to acknowledge things she said.

My loves very strong for you Grandy 💜

[white knight]

Hi Deebi

And welcome to Birdy here!! Great you can drop in.

Db I'm thinking you are a mirror to my symptoms about 15 years ago. I don't know your age and it doesn't matter but I assume you are younger than my 62.

What has been a revelation is my emotional maturity in the last 15 years to the point whereby I've just about caught up with everyone else. By that I mean my reaction, thinking a few seconds before speaking etc. Also sadness, its improved now.

So I think aging is finally something to look forward to for the bipolar person 🙂

Triggers. I'm very well aware now that most of my life I've been calling triggers as sensitivity. Now it might seem unimportant to many but there is a huge difference. Sensitivity can happen anytime. Triggers are focused on certain subject, tone of voice, actions unapproved, memories etc.

Once BP sufferers are triggered it can take several days, weeks to overcome it. Why? Well one reason I think is time. Once time is spent the trigger is further in the past and drifts away. We can of course, in that down period seek psych appointments, that's great if you feel it helps. For me I don't feel they can do anything to really help. Talking to my lovely wife helps more. She is the one that tolerates my triggers, she is the one that finds it easier to flex to allow for them, she is the one that can avoid the sensitive topic that she knows will trigger me.

Some might think its not good relying on my spouse to do all the avoiding but it is a/ solidifying our marriage, b/ less upset and c/ acknowledging that all my hard work avoiding triggers has found its maximum

Tony WK

[Birdy77]

To the Deebsta ❤ (waves to all)

You are a really special person.

Everyone here knows it, even without having met you.

There is a very special quality to you Deebs.

We are all here for you, and it's bloody brilliant that you went and had some hugs today, especially because your head is South.

Stay strong lovely lady.

Huge hugs from me as well.

(No I don't yet have a personal thread ... I probably will soon. Maybe).

Big love ❤❤❤

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Tony, Birdie, Amanda..

I hope everyone is doing okay..

Tony thank you for your insight and help I am also reading your post to Deebi and im getting a better understanding of BP2.

Deebi, Please don't concern yourself with me leaving you..That will never ever happen. I'm ALWAYS here for you..Never leaving your side....👭+super glue.unbreakable..

Your neck and arm Deebi, I'm sad that your pain has flared up to be so painful..You said you know why, can you stop the cause or to difficult..

Im pleased that the BBQ was good, what a lovely guy to give you a necklace.. I have a black onyx ring that I wear.

Deebi, you need heaps of sleep to help you get out of this downer. as much as you can the next few days to a week...

The last sentence on your previous post, Deebi, Thank you so very much..I needed to hear that today so much 💜🦄.. ditto Deebi, my love is very strong for you as well.. feeling alone, vulnerable and sad after psych visit....

Deebi, honey please look after yourself and take things really easy for your neck and arm, Please..

love you Deebi..

(L&C)..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩+🦄=💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Thanks Tony I hadn't thought of triggers could be.That and sensitive for me. I feel depression strips us of any shields we've built esp with sleep deprivation making us vulnerable to pain if we were slept up we can often deflect better.

One of the things I like about ageing is the slowing down, impulse which I still have a lot of work to do on which when I think of it am slowly trying to yes think first more on things opening to lateral thinking. Also I like we learn more and see the world and life in a better or different perspective and the realization that we are only here for a very short time in the scheme of things. Sorry this tablet doesn't let me new sentence till fixed. One of the great things in a working relationship is to be able to talk to partner and work together supporting eachother. It took my beautiful loving partner a long time to come to terms and have some understanding re BP so it was very hard sadly it was toward the end that he understood, the poor guy the only time he complained as such was in mania trying to keep up.I feel disloyal but he was ok me saying truth, I want to be VERY clear he was beautiful loving and my life gave me his full love and security 😢 saying this but think I need to he at times would push my buttons not out of being nasty but thought it'd snap me out, I get that but it made it so much harder. He had several health issues and before he died I said I think he had depression and did have anxiety I couldnt help him because I didnt know how to do my head tho I had more emotional control he had major frustration with pain and let it out in anger often. I fought back but was ok I understood reasons and he was always sorry, that didn't down me but there were times his stress nearly sent me crazy in hard head space thankfully he stopped when I managed to get out I cant. Think he realised I'm in bad if I'm not retaliating. Please don't anyone think he's a mongrel 😭 he wasn't he was such a good bloke, the world needs people like him but tormented with a life of pain and restriction. No more on that I'd open more about stuff nothing extreme but it's open here. He was the love of my life for many reasons, every relationship has ups and downs but thats about the most I can disclose. Im going to ask for this to be removed soon.

Thanks for your time

[demonblaster]

Thankyou Grandy god I've just realised I can open up in email here dah so will sometime no majors just a life time of people and their actions ot thoughtless comments or with intent.

I have a bit of confidence and am mostly happy around people talk a lot 3 good reasons a lot of people want to take someone down also I usually fight back, when I don't it eats at me well does either way, and the rest I need to work out why, sometimes I say stupid things unintentionally like today and I went into bad space, but depending mania or depression how much I can listen but I do. Other day was rough in depression and extreme pain from shoulder/arm a friend spoke of her tragic mongrel life most of the day/night it was hard with my headspace but gave her an outlet. Shes in a better place with meds.

It's the best ever Grandy EVER so no and close to meeting full needs. Amazing for both but no care factor, like but ..I can handle that and why but would be nice

B.onyx its nice isnt it,sounds good. Hate you have heart stuff geesh it would be scary good you explained and well what it is, thats why I always say 1 yr training cause if you say a nurse there's expectations of knowledge tho working lot of places you learn and id ask. Is it settled and glad you're feeling better. Its a rough ride isnt it. I got about 4 grs sleep will need a lot more but can see quicker recovery, hoping no more downs.

Really Grandy thankyou so much for everything I'm so pleased you needed to hear that, you're so beautiful don't change ok, only the bits that hurt you. I'm not angry hun I get your feelings and triggers I'll talk to you sometime. You smart lady ☺ love you for it, did you do that Tony thing?

A couple at bbq you can see one particularly I've got her number some people you just wanna wrap up and make them safe the other ones being used I'm also starting to round some up to have outs with low or no cost good for me too but loneliness MI bad mix.

Very slacked off with neck flared again damn was starting to improve but I've been forgetting neck strengthening too.

You're a beaut lol tweety dig ya muchly and you too amongst many are so incredibly kind and supportive when you do a thread let me know 🤗 thanks tweets 😚 you ok with hugs kisses? Oops lol In rl I ask as I'm closing in 😅

Eternal gratitude amazing people

[Peppermintbach]

Hey DB (and all),

Glad you have so many visitors, Little Ms Popular 🙂 lol

Catch up on your thread later as I have to go now. Talk soon

Super Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebi

Just a quick visit before heading to zzzzzz. BBQ sounded good - lots of hugs always nice.

Wow, I've been reading through all the support everyone's giving. Not sure I can add anything to it, other than repeat what Pepper said - yes, you are Little Ms Popular!!! So pleased for you.

Though wish I could take all your pain away from your arm.....

Lots of virtual hugs.

Pammy ❤️

[Sapphire_]

Hello Deebee.

Im so sorry i havent been here lately. I just couldn't come on. My problem.

I not good to hear that your going through a rough time and that your neck has flared up again. It makes me sad to see you in pain.

I really liked this quote "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." Something i needed to hear.

Ive missed you in my time of absence and thought about you alot. Sorry i had to take time out.

❤Sapphire

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Just a very quick call in..will bbl ,

Can you check out a thread name..."thanks and update". 😚 Believe me you really need to read it..

Big love Deebi.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.