Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Guest8901]

Deebs, you are frightening me. I do not like how you are talking. Have I missed something these past few days? There is plainly something wrong, or I am not understanding. I am worried for you. Tell me you are okay. 💓

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,🦄

😂..Throwing [IT]xx into the bin way to go Deebi, your 🔥 is returning..🐉.

Deebi you lay back and watch 📺..I'm going to sit with you tonight and tell you about crystal cave springs..While I gently massage all the tenseness out of you..Once we get down the million steps..we can sit on our recliners with our feet resting in the cool blue waters of the pond...

A slight breeze blowing , we hear this incredible beautiful tingling music, it hits that spot in the brain that totally put serenity into our thoughts, we look up to find what's making the music..Crystals Deebi, millions of crystals of every colour, slowly the ceiling opens only slightly and the suns rays are shining on the crystals..lol the floor, us, the pond, were all covered with the dancing coloured lights from the crystals..

They mesmerise us they are so calming to watch, more like hypnotic, your looking at all the crystals on the ceiling as well as the dancing lights while I'm massaging your shoulders..your feet are so relaxed from the water you have no pain anywhere honey, you see the crystals dancing around, with the beautiful heavenly music from the crystals and me giving you a massage,you can't help but be so peaceful and thinking only of the love that others have for you, how special and cared for you feel now, your so calm your eyes just want to close, but your trying to resist ...let go..Deebi...close your eyes,..listen to the music...

You drift in and out of sleep, I give you a crystal glass fill it with water from the pond then I put a straw in made out of crystal..as your drinking through the straw, you are totally completely relaxed like never before, you can't fight sleep anymore, your asleep now.....deep...deeper....deeper. sleep... I'm still here and I think if it's okay I'll stay the night with you..The crystal dancing lights have made me sleepy as well. ..Good Night, lovely Deebi...love you..here for you always.. sleep Deebi until morning..let the crystal lights dance in your dreams tonight...

Good Night Sweet Deebi and anyone else reading...Wishing you all peace 🕊

(L&C).

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone!

You two (Deebi, Grandy or should I say 3 and include DB) are really awesome!!

Hold on everyone! Let's all feel the positive energy that's flowing.

Pammy

[demonblaster]

Mandy 💗 you'd be needing a long 🤗 I haven't left you darling but I'm sorry I haven't been to your place it's DB IT⚘envelops I have to get through them. I'll be ok thankyou for your concern. God it's powerful what the hell takes ya so low at least its not all the time now. Mandy 🤗💗😚⚘thank you. You're doing it so hard

Woken with shoulder pain damn. I know why it flared up and I've no idea how but need to work out how to be able to continue.

SLD 😚 thanks darlin 🤗

Ohh Grandy you're 🦄 I love these and I bet others get from them to, thankyou 🤗⚘💗 you're really creative love love love them. You're very good to me. I can't get stuff out properly atm. 😚

So are you Pammy. Another Spielberg a master. Ready player one I think. I bet Indiana Jones was good.

Incredible people. Thankyou

bbq lot of hugs. Rather do bed today but good people there its going to be a push can't talk ages but can to support worker and other ones there too

Grandy 🤗🤝 like it when you stay. Saw stars before beautiful holding your hand looking at them

😚

[Guest8901]

😄 💜

[Ggrand]

Good MorningDeebi,

I can feel in your words that beasty is holding you prisoner,,Get your ⛏⚒🛠🔧🔨. and escape from him..you can do it..

Sorry your arm is sore, please look after it today..here you go I borrowed the cafes 🚜 now you can zoom around on that. Please be okay Deebi get DB out of hiding today and kick beasty's butt.

Just a quick hello and wishing you a good day at the BBQ.keep your 🔥 burning honey, I know you enjoy company, hug, BBQ,friends I hope they help you today to keep your mind off beasty thoughts.. 💜..always with you..

Im pleased you decided to get out of bed today even though you don't want to..Your tt group are so lucky that you are there for them, you are a treasure to everyone that your involved with..

Im off to work and psych today... so I won't be around until late arvo or Night..relax, take it easy, try to enjoy yourself and have some yummy BBQ food.. most of all remember how much your loved/liked here and in r/l..Your so important to so many people..

sending healing and warm hugs to you..🤗..

Love you Deebi/DB..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

That was a nice touch darl with laughy first ☺💕

There's peace in your Avatar Mandy and all our good memories.

Thankyou for making time for me when you have so much going on the second I met you I really liked you. So sorry your going through this 💗

[demonblaster]

You're all so good to me. Thankyou

I love bits youse do or say and forget to acknowledge or reply to things but sometimes I remember later and do.

Can't talk properly well can but it's hard here to then can can't depends where the head is. Went back to sleep woken with stuffin shoulder pain again damn it! Big expletive. the cause for this and last flare I know and needs to find a way around pain its Incrediblehy hard and trying not to do meds

I'll get through always do but its really hard atm intermittently. Not bad but somethings happening don't think heart but I don't know. Maybe stress. Not angina Mostly need to sleep to deal.

and remember the tools love your work Grandy 🤗 smiled when I saw that just clicked writing it. 😆 tractor

Hope psych goes well and work, you sound calmer today I'm so glad. Thankyou so much for what you wrote at yours it went to my heart but it'll take time to get back and really thankyou. I'll re read. No don't leave me G please, thats putti g pressure on a member.

I'm so sick of this shredding me I have to get the shield up for good this is too much too often but I'll walk out other side soon

Plz could you remind me to look at Mandys thread later

Pam 😆 at someone moving the rock at wolfys and deebi/DB two people jokes, part of Ms halarious mob clearly 🤗

🤗💗💜💑

[Birdy77]

Hey Deebsta,

I hope you get lots of hugs at your barbie ... I'm sure there are a bunch of us here in your fan club who would l❤ve to give you a thousand hugs.

Be gentle with yourself Deebsta, and remember the depths will pass ... you will rise again. "You've seen my descent. Now watch my rising." - Rumi

That reminds me, thank you so much for introducing me (I think you were telling Pepper, but I was eavesdropping) to Desiderata. I love it! I would love to put a short excerpt of it in my Words thread, is that ok? Or would you like to? I will acknowledge that you introduced me to it 😊.

Glad you got a giggle about me not being a puddy tat on the other thread ... puddy tats do like to have butlers and cooks ...

❤

🌻birdy

[white knight]

Hi Deebi

Im sorry but my internet and phone are down. Been like that for 3 days. Messagung from major nearby town. Carch up in couple days

Tony WK