Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

Your comment about “collecting cobwebs” was pretty funny especially as you had the guts to joke about it with your real estate. That’s the gutsy and lively DB we love and adore 🙂

I hear you on how sometimes you read things and it just tugs at the heart...it’s a cherished feeling.

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[PamelaR]

LOL Deebi, you do crack me up.

Cobwebs - good on you. One of the best insect catchers of all times!! Hahahah.

You know cobwebs are also good for cuts and abrasions. I can hear you laughing, but it's true. The contents of the web helps to disinfect a wound and also help to close it. Okay laugh at me. I can take it:) Haven't ever done it myself, but I've been told.

How are you travelling this morning on BP Day 4?

Feeling for you Deebi. Holding your hand.... Going for another walk along the beach in stiletos? Nah, don't want you to hurt yourself.

🤗🤗🕷🕷🕸🕸

Pammy

[demonblaster]

Dear diary

I'm writing here because of the privacy knowing our gorgeous Grandy and my beautiful army of friends that are amazing supporting and helping me like they do so well won't know that today I DID THINGSsss 😲, a LOT OF too but sshhhh not to loud Deebi Grandy and the other beautifuls might hear.

What's that...oh ok yeah I'll tell ya since you're busting to know.. drum roll please 🥁...roight where to start then, well...not only changed my sheets but...now diary you gotta pwomise not to tell them esp Grandy cause she said to go easy ...ok so I turned the mattress too 🏋️‍♀️herculean style nah did it carefully ..no no.."but wait there's more" 🤤(piccy of Tim Shaw who coined that saying I think) yeah so stack of handwashing..annnnd swept the carpet...didn't wanna get over excited and vaccuum annnd swept AND mopped kitchen bathroom and loo (well the room anyway) ummmm...anything else oh yeah not full hills walk but 4 ...now I'm sure there's something else...what is it 🤔...ohhhh yeah...broom washed the main windows in my room and lounge, the big suckers DEFINATELY don't word Grandy on that one wemember you pwomised.. and washed down the verandah & littles cleaning. The wakes tomorrow.

So happies I don't need Xray vision anymore to look out the windows, didnt do the others or inside, can't do too much in one millenium. WOO HOO or WHAT..now there's two choices here or maybe bit of both

1. I'm slowly starting to DO things 🤤👌
2. In mania

There's definate changes YES! happening slowly slowly (that's ok as long as it's happening gives me hope and reason). Don't know for others but often for me there's two parts to mania, the other day, SUPREME never lasts too long then it'd follow through with the yum buzz averaging a wk or more & the adrenalin was fierce, this was a small quicky up so could explain touchwood I'm ok atm tired but good so until later I don't know but at least atm I can say if I am in mania it's probably the most mild I've EVER had which is yeah/nah good. See, things mostly only get done in mania so we'll see. My episodes are roughly spaced the same and was due, have had downs last couple days consistent following mania for me but manageable sort of but heavy anxiety flares.

Arm littles pain neck got very stiff but ok..phew..I shouldn't have done so much but mania also has that affect but all good let's hope it continues that way.

Thank you lovely ones I do intend to try another reply to yaz 🤗😚

[startingnew]

wow DB! rest up tonight before your arm caves in little busy bee!

[monkey_magic]

Hey db & everyone

Just letting u know Ive been reading along....

Wat to say hmmm....

Ill say a huge hello for now lol...

So hello to all x

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebi. My you have been busy. Woohoo!! Well done you.

That sense of achievement is great hey.

BTW will try to use words that you don't have to look up Deebi ❤️

Now - let's hope you can sleep and your arm, shoulder and neck settle after all your activities.

They'll be so tired, they'll want nothing better than to crash.

See you in the am.

Pammy 🤗😗

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi, Wow you done so much and yes Grandy heard you..

You really sound so happy and pleased that you did these, plus your walk as well...

I think you deserve a 🍦&🍫..well done..

So hoping your arm, shoulder isn't to painful tomorrow.

Be gentle tomorrow with you hun.

Love you Deebi,

(L&C).

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Heyaz 🤗😚 gettin a bit generous giving out da lurvvv so early

Try not to lose this one. Grandy sounds rough but like holding, power to ya, always remember you've got your army always close by

My manias from were type 1 for a few yrs not visual hallucinations but yeah auditory I know now or physchosis but severai times it wouldn't have taken much but they came on stronger & more frequent after stopping work, (backs up how important distraction is. Was my loves carer.Then after losing him the frequently escalated so this isnt done yet but if the mania stays at this I'm pretty much where you are, yes mixed episodes are a pain dunno if your Arthur or Martha A rapid cycler has 4 or more a yr someone can have 1 episode in their life and be BP incidentally when I was diagnosed I was rapid then and possibly in retrospect most of my life. Ultra rapid cycling bipolar I don't know if I'm right but was thinking it means more than 4 or more like the next level because some info I read but don't remember exactly said the different terminology which I think was ultra but just checked and its saying to extreme which is a little ambiguous well for what I'm trying to find out anyway so mine this is the 4th with improvements though I'm not through it yet and yes I think still mania for a few reasons but definately moreso type 2 except the firstbbi was more type 1.I'm able atm at least to control excitement and the heads on but not chatty brain like that Grandy good wording but it's on like it wakes up which is cool cause this is when it opens with clarity in thoughts rah rah, feelin lurvelly and cruisy and way higher liking myself etc so good atm.

A lot are saying acceptance I'm going to talk with Dools on that to try and understand. I'm frustratingly stubborn at times but it's not that it's more I just don't yet get acceptance anyway I'll yak there.

Yikes you get it cold I love the cooler reminds me of home (NZ) love here but homes there, would hurt tho to leave Oz you lot aren't too bad after all, I don't care what they say 😉 dust twicken

Thank you for the yummies and forgot to the other day you gave me choccy

Thanks so much for your concern and care love you're lookin after your good girl lol how pathetic am I. Bed soon had a sleeper.Wait on I'll just grab my 👀 they fell out

Sleep peacefully Grandy 🦄 xx nite darls. Love x

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi,

You sound like your doing well today, and with that I'm very happy for you. It's really nice to hear.

Deebi I know I'm probably a bit of a pain, but how is your shoulder/arm today?

Ultra rapid cycling can be a couple of different cycles..I get u.r.c. a lot. It is 4 or more cycles a year, also it can be mixed as well as a multiple mood shifts a day..

I get the latter one a lot before a huge downer, that's the multiple mood shifts per day, which believe me you do not know if your Arther or Martha, one minute I could be in a high for half hour plus..then I'm knocked down to a huge downer that unfortunately for me last anywhere from a couple of hour plus. Then your back up high again.it very exhausting honey... I have been going through this now for close to a week, after these finish I don't know, but last two times I went down really quickly and stayed there for a while, then a little normals then Depression.. its a never ending circle of emotions.

I hope you enjoyed the yummies, I ...let me look in my cupboard.....oh no..it's empty...what..umm there's something here...ahh looky what I found..🍭 A yummy lollipop, you were a bit naughty yesterday doing all that cleaning so now you have to be a good girl and eat a healthy lunch before you have your yummy lollipop, it's green apple and strawberry flavoured..I hope you like it..

I hope your day is good Deebi, it's hot where I am today..take it easy on your walk if you do it..and look after you..

Love you Deebi..

(L&C)..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Pepstar ☺ as always many thanks for being so loyal and a constant it's good of you honestly Peps to stay by people like you do that goes for everyone that stands by me. Its very comforting.🤗 thats an extra ssshh our secret

While I think of it heard you saying your mind screams for intellectual stimulation, I love all well most chat 😁 and on different subjects to some of yours due to lack of knowledge on my part and also like some depth thrown in the mix too. I don't outwardly usually show it but similar to you it can be frustrating, I can yak on most subjects and happy to go with the flow if lol or personal yak etc too but do hear you

Yeah 30° as you say minus yuk humidity isnt too bad, I'm happy in early 20's to mids weather wise

Hope your days are improving and work going well, was thinking about you and your art last night ☺

Be well lovely Peps 🤗 btw I've been thinking to promote you from apprentice soul hugger but have'nt got a title yet 🙄

Yay just started using split screen on tablet easier to check back posts and hoping not to lose em quite as easily and strange here I can new sentence but on bb I can't but this has gremlins. Must put it in, a friends gunna lend his, think I'd cry without it for my bb fixes

Hope your days good lovey

Pammy darl Starts said somewhere what a lovely addition you are to bb, that warmed my soul, you're very supportive, great humour talking of, lol my stiletto walk, you have a lot of compassion and not only content but how you speaks lovely. In conclusion I agree 100% with our Starts and clearly highly intelligent 🤗

Haha we must obey puddy tats lol Mum was saying once and its true cats are independent love them esp kittens Ohhhh come ere ya little gorgeous, I'm with kittens like people are with babies.

Yeah phones are tricky to post on handy for a squiz tho

Very interesting re cobwebs disinfecting and closing wounds I'll remember that onya Pams

Words please keep using them I like learning and if I can use one word rather than heaps its better realised I know a few words get some wrong but its expressing moreso and thats of course so much harder in brain fog

Arms good barely pain YAY so easy does it for next mth maybe tt then been and nurse it for next few mths. Thx for ask and care ☺

Magic helloooo to you too thx popping in I guess been magic you can just poof and there you are 🤗

Thanks guys go easy