Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Dear Starts darling my SLD you're another loyal caring constant who I too deeply appreciate

You're in deep again aren't you hun 🤗

Sweets you know how I feel about you too, hate that you barely get reprieve but remember time moves us on without choice which can be a good thing because things change for the better esp that you're making effort.

Darlin you NEED sleep even if you can snatch an hr in the day its a little more mind and body strength even if you lay down for a while the bods still getting rest you so badly need.

Thankyou for popping in and supporting when youre in a horrible place. You shine girl ☀️

You'll get back you're a fighter and you're stronger than you realise. Hold on sweetheart we've got you and not letting go either.

Care very much about you and thank you to you too lovely darling.

Here tuck these away for when you need them and feel the strength reigniting your fire

🤗🤗🤗 😙😙😙

You'll get through sweet I know you will. Here for you too ☺..always.

Where's it gone...👀...ah found it 🦋..Ullyses is it.. good on you finding name if I spelt it right 😙

Be ok honey 🐤⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, 🦄,

Im popping in for a little visit, to check on you and find out, only if you want to let me know how your lunch went today.

Im sorry you poked your 👁. I hope it's not to sore, 🤕.

Im going to sit with you for a while if you don't mind, I'm feeling really sad and sitting with you helps me..

We still got no rain here, will be water restrictions put in play soon I think.

I hope your still rising towards the ⚡️ sparkle of the ✨ Stars honey, you so deserve it.

I was a bit concerned that I would be annoying you coming to visit you daily, if I am please just tell me.. I feel really at ease with you, your so easy to love as well and understanding.

Did you have some yummy food 🍰🍧🍩 and something nice to 🍹 drink? and have good happy conversations with your friends🤗.?

My little Angel 😇 will be watching 👁👁 over you tonight covering you with her healing wings to protect you and send light to you..

L&C always ❤️❤️🤗🤗

Grandy. xx

[demonblaster]

Ohhh Grandy darling I adore you, you could NEVER annoy me LOVE you popping in and sitting with me please dont ever stop.

You're so caring and sweet yeah was great day easy time with her the sweet shouted me lunch we had oops scallops and chips YUM gunna have to 🏃‍♀️run (as if) tomoz to burn it off been really naughty today. Hey I'd tell you anything but here tricky.

How was your day hun have you been up to any walks lately. How you sleeping.

Ohhh Grandy I was so sad reading your last post at your place. Never forget beautiful lady how much you're cared for here and how much I love and need you.

Oh chooky may not leave the area but they have to move as I said to her (other friend didnt come) gut feeling saying they'll get somewhere here geez hope so well they live nxt suburb close. Shes a beautiful soul Grandy.

May not go special needs 🏓 arms settling but still complaining pillow didnt work last night but did before that go figure. Bed and movement are problems and Ive got a bigger group if they're coming this wk too and they're mthly only been once with them was away before and have to rest arm so just have to see.Hate missing but too hard not to participate. Doesnt take much to aggravate it. Havent been tt 2 wks this wk be 3rd.

Would you like a nice cool lime drink or something stronger like a tall cold ...water ☺ I got a stash of 🍷 Tia Maria for you sweet G.

Some moneys gone from my bank again. Suss. Is it possible anyones more hard up than me lol now Ive gotta get in touch with bank and back in touch with phone mob, what is it rip of DB month. 🎯

Oh bought you something for tea 🐟 my darling loved 🎣 with a passion, I used to go occassionally magic scenery. Cant beat water views

You ok hun.. come here 🤗🤗🤗

Hey no 🌟 here, you got some.

Love your company, you make me smile and laugh. Secure safe loved and looked after. You da bomb lady 😗

Holding your hand always Grandy

Thankyou for being you xxx

💗 and 🤗 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello DB, 👁👁.

Im pleased I don't annoy you.

Sounds like you had a really nice time with your friend, yummy scallops and chips,🍤🍿 Naughty no..being kind to yourself yes..but looks like a lot of 🚶‍♀️ walking for you, which remind me, I really got to do some, geez I've not gone outside for days, need to get myself outside. today I will try. maybe it will lift my spirits a little.. No I'm not sleeping properly a couple /few hours a night but Deebi, I'm not tired, so that's okay I guess.

That would be so good if she moves and stays close to you, more luncheons, coffees ☕️etc....good friends are so hard to find, and especially one with a beautiful soul. 😇

I would recommend that if you go to tt 🏓not to join in, but I think that would be to hard for you to do, better you stay away and rest that poor arm of yours. maybe just go for support and social, but nothing else..it's important to look after yourself to heal...oh I just thought of something, what about a blow up pool toy for under your arm, you can blow it up just a little for comfort?.

Tia Maria sounds good, 🍹 loving the fish, my favourite of all foods is 🐟..

I had money been taken out of my bank account monthly years ago..I didn't realise until $0.00 left. was some online casino in Sweden. My bank got it back for me..maybe speak to the bank.. lol I can join you with being hard up..I lost everything in that shop I leased..only on Newstart now..

Yeah I'm okay, just can't get myself together properly.😢😭 Your so sweet 🐣Deebi, 🤗🤗🤗, oh and magic 🦄.

Thank you for holding my hands, 🤝. Love that, it makes me feel safe, cared for.🤗❤️.

Thank you for being here always Deebi, you are a beautiful, lovely, caring person.

❤️🤗..always

Grandy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I hope your Sunday lunch with your friend went well. She sounds really special to you...

Thanks for the ET and weekend well wishes 🙂 How kind of you to keep me in your thoughts even though you’re hurting a lot.

I see that you seem to be slowly re-surfacing from the emotional dark pit. Bit by bit...it’s nice to see that..

I know you’re missing Starwolf. You really connected with her. It was and is a beautiful friendship.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thank you Grandy love seeing you.

Yes shes a beautiful soul. Seeing another friend I love deeply tomoz for lunch may not worry bout swim

Arms better today but still rough in bed good idea the blow ups but no doosh atm cause of my little bank gremlin not that I had much bugger all dunno whats goin on there gunna sort it later with my support bloke. Saw him today hes great ..had big blubber but got over it.

Geez rough trot you had with Sweden gambling mob good bank got it back too. Pfftt. Mutts

You're doing it hard aren't you beautiful friend. Hate how it is for you, you deserve a good life lovey. You're very welcome holding hands I feel same with you so THANK YOU too honey

Haha glad you enjoyed the fish. I LOVE meat. Fish was nice use to have it often fresh. Was in the family fishing (partners side) God I miss him Grandy 😢😭

Thanks so much being here. Really appreciate and love you 🤗xx

Pepstar miss you you know ☺ You're very welcome dear girl.

You're a great loyal supportive friend Peps you've stood by me long time and thankyou always for your loving support re our loved Starwolf (ROCK) I so hope shes recovering and back to her. What an amazing lady. Damn it miss her terribly too. Oh 😢

Yeah lovey picking up slowly still bit of struggle today but getting there hun thankyou

Souls back atcha hun 🤗🤗🤗 good to see you ☺

[startingnew]

your sounding a little perkier now DB, its good to see and its so lovely to see the connection you have with Grandy too. i know your missing starwolf, i miss her alot too. you wont replace her ever but we can let others in xoxox

lots of hugs xoxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Thanks Starts yeah getting back up hun, glad you were here was feeling a little lost

Yes Starwolf its hard isnt it, she has a powerful impact on many. Love her.

Just fluked other day on a post Croix was replying too someone talking about her and he was saying she's very wise and other lovely comments, easy to see he amongst many hold her in high regard. I hope shes ok Starts. Yes I know you miss her too which we share.

What an incredible lady. I look up to her. Be ok Rock.

You're a gem you know. Very easy to care about. Pleasure to call you a friend 🤗

Thanks darling SLD

Xxx 🐤 chooky cause its cute oh nearly forgot your Ullyses 🦋 Im not nuts on colour, prefer your colour or that lovely

Ha that was neat was bit lost then u here and friend across Rd had chat for bit

[startingnew]

im never far away DB, ever. i read along and often others have already said what i would have so just like or comment short posts unless you meantion me with a question or adter an opinion. i do miss her and i hope that in time she comes back but shes done well here too and she will never be forgotten.

its a pleasure to call you a friend too SL, your a gem too xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thankyou SLD thats nice

So found out I havent got bigger special needs group through bloody funding for tt anymore shame cause they loved it. One I held his arm and we hit the balls back from the robot was yelling with glee, was a magic moment in time, ALL of us including the other members of the group were smiling and deeply moved.

Was having lunch tomoz with another deeply loved friend but cancelled too lol

So being ripped off by phone company,

Something dodgy going on with bank, money disappearing and seriously hard up.

Lost my sp needs group, still got 1 smallish group and 2/3 on my usual wkly nite

Cancelled lunch swim date lol ....JOY..☺

Its ok I cant get enough sleep just non stop.

No TT this wk again cause of arm/neck

Mmmmmm

Absolutely she'll never be forgotten. I started re reading while ago here must go back and finish. Feel a pang when reading stuff here and see her posts. Always read them. Gold. Love

Mwah girl 💖