Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Ahh damn it db that really sucks!

Your not having much luck either. Hopefully your arm pain settles down and you can return to some normal activities

[demonblaster]

Yeah can't win didnt go smaller special needs cause of arm.

Had other group keen nearly lined up while ago and they changed management must get back onto them.

Bank and phone I need to sort.

Thought arm settling but rough trying to sleep to start but better then went on balcony talking to friend before and was hurting like a mother. Think its bit better cause hardly using it.

Hey got something for you...🎁...when you open it...looky...🦋...annnnd....🐧....annnd...⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, 🦄

Thankyou for sitting with me tonight, it's just turned tomorrow,

Just popped in to say we changed rooms for a little while and now I'm 👁👁 you sleep and my angel 😇is floating over you protecting you 😇🤗

Sorry about the bigger special needs group I know you were looking forward to that😥. You have a big heart Deebi,

I hope you have a good time at lunch ☕️🥛🍔🍟. enjoy it honey with your deeply loved friend.👭..That's ok if you cancelled your swim date, I love walking on the sand at the waters edge, it's the best, nearest beach from here 6 hours drive..

Good girl for giving to another miss, that shows me that your looking after yourself..

I hope you get the bank and phone fixed up asap. and it's the last time it happens to you..

I have read this thread a few times now and loving Starwolfs posts, she has helped me on a few occasions, also search her and read a lot more, she is very knowledgeable ❤️.

ok so we changed rooms to sit with each other for a while, Your soft touch put to to sleep for an hour which was good.. Love you holding my hand Deebi,,group hug is on the go as we are all here,....Hello lovely Startingnew..., your doing it rough sweets, hoping tomorrow will be brighter for you.

time for a cuppa tea I think, then will try to sleep more, Op shop tomorrow, really not feeling to go in, but I have to make myself do it...So I will..

Have a great day Deebi later today with your friend❤️

Good Night my special Magical Friend..

Oh I found these,They would look great on you👠👠👒👜

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

Grandy

[demonblaster]

Lol..Ohh Grandy you make me smile & laugh my dear friend thanks so much...hang on I'll just grab your pressy ya gorgeous...🎁...🏃‍♀️...ah found it...🕷...oops wait up...where is it...🤸‍♂️🏋️‍♀️..soz quick workout...💡..got an idea...🍦..while your waiting....🍾...ta daaa

Thanks hun chooky cancelled but thats ok I took a heavy pain med, sick of ouch trying to sleep, its 2.30am 😪...

Jeepers 6 hrs away, I'm seconds away

Yeah Starwolf she's amazing isn't she. Stood by me SO glad she looked out for me would have been talking to myself but dear Sez chooky came in too sometimes. Love and miss Rock (SW) so much Grandy, don't you leave me darl I couldn't hack. Love you so much too your 🦄 too 😚

Tea might keep you awake darlin, the caffeine? Oh so glad you got an hr. Btw always neat seeing you thanks for changing rooms, oh that reminds me another wee pressy to make it quicker for you ...🎁...🚴‍♀️...🛴 thats mine.God I've been 🐖..on choccy bikkies something serious YIKES..

Watching Star trek Voyager. My little security blankets Neighbours and Becker cheers me but I'm caught up on those ones. Recorded. Do you watch much TV, I know you like some stuff heard you talking to someone once cant remember but family shows I think and animated ones? Sorta Ice age type ones?

Woe nearly 3am. Oops

Love our mucking around. We have fun serious support eachother chat laugh cry together, great friendship VERY happy to have met you my lovely. You da bomb

So hope you're feeling a bit lighter hun and that you have a lovely 🛌 Im 👀 🤤 you too my darling

Thankyou for your beautiful words you're such a lovely friend. Love and care so much about you

Please be ok sweets

😚😚😚⚘ 🤗🤗🤗 🐧

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Our loving and big hearted friend. Your caring runs deep.

Hopefully the pain and discomfort in your arm becomes more manageable. Or so I hope...it sounds pretty bad.

Sorry, I’m slightly confused. Just so I can wrap my head around things, you didn’t go to either the larger or the smaller tt group due to insufficient funding (larger group) and arm pain (smaller group)?

Either way, I feel helping out and participating in the tt groups suits you. You have such a compassionate aura about you that I’m sure the people there all benefit from your presence and friendship. I know you also value your time with them too. Win-win 🙂

It seems like your body and mind needs the rest. Sleeping can do wonders...

I’m glad you’re slowly crawling out of the pit. Take your time...Gentle and easy does it.

Epic soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey there beautiful caring Pepstar ☺

Thankyou as always for your continual strong support and friendship xx

Yes thats right smaller group I made up my mind lasy yr no matter how I was feeling mentall or physically Id still go which I have but didnt this time and yes funding stopped larger group. DAGHH they benefit from it but no no its all about the bloody $ aye. They're well looked after this way I'll say that.

Yeah arm was does stop me sleeping for while so had med was up here wee hrs, didnt help much

Thanks hun crawling back up 😚

Do hope you're going well youve a lot on atm new job and ET ☺😚

Have really good day friend ohh yeah loven epic souls 🤗🤗🤗

Dont think I've given you pressy 🎁...⚘...💖

[startingnew]

hey db

did you manage to get your phone and bank sorted out today? glad your arms healing up abit more now too- have your tried heat/ cold packs to help abit too and gentle (very gentle) stretches?

how are you feeling today?

also thank you, i love what youve given me. in return ill give you some good soul hugs- you know the ones 😉 and also a gift basket with lots of goodies esp chocolate- good thing about virtual is no worries on the waistline 🙂

[demonblaster]

Hey hun thanks for goodies love em, yeah need virtual no calories.

Yeah arm easing but movement and bed not going well but tomoz walk agai so see.

Jeez had couple times today was happy thats how I usually am until BP but apart from big sleep sarvo been crying couple of bouts.

God I miss my darling.

Learning to live with yourself in your own head what the hells wrong 😭 cant stop.

Ive seriously HAD ENOUGH!! Guess at least having patches of light

Stuff it

[Ggrand]

Awe Deebi,

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗 👁👁🦄🐣🦄.

Awe honey ❤️.. Love and care for you..will bbs be back soon..

Grandy

[startingnew]

aww DB big big soul hugs coming your way. it is so hard to grieve and learn to live with your mh conditions

youve got this db and no you dont have to be strong all the time. holding your hand tight and offerring a shoulder to cry on. xoxox let the tears out it seems they need a release xox