Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

hi my special lady

do apologise for not being around as much as i want to be. im back on board on my regular threads again, not the newbies yet might look at those again in the new year.

anyway, how are you going? things have been pretty rough for you hey

[demonblaster]

Thankyou Grandy I've never respected myself before and that's how I feel we're getting on so well. Love the hugs & touch but nah waiting this time.
Not leaving heart open like before that really did drop me. Was completely full happy. No blame to him at all, he's going through deep depths of pain & hard change.

BBl hun going for walk

[Ggrand]

Hi DB,

Enjoy your walk,

Im walking out my front gate with you if that's ok, maybe not as long as your walk but a walk anyway. You enjoy your walks. Ok giving it a go.

GG.

[demonblaster]

You little cracker, part of my walk I held your hand so am when you walk too

GOOOD ON youuuuuuuu have a squiz at the flowers they're gorgeous aye

Oooops probs a couple of same post coming haha ahhh ya get that didn't realise I'd sent the other one.

[Ggrand]

Hi DB,

I did it, I walked out my front door, out my gate, down to the end of my street,trying not to cry and shaking like crazy.... I started to go back home, but last minute, finding some strength I turned the corner then walked around the village, took 15 minutes, I was fighting myself the whole time wanting to go home. It wasn't relaxing, I was so scared even crying with my battle to finish what I started, and the promise I voiced to you a few days back.

DB, that was the first time in over 2 years I took a walk.

Only for you DB, I trust you 100%. and I'm beginning to believe that you and I were suppose to meet/ make contact, "destiny " I think the word is..Thank you for staying with me.

((L&C)) always.

kind thoughts

GG

[demonblaster]

YOU ARE A..... CHAMPION!!!!!! ....you DID IT....SOOoooooo happy for you 😄 😄 😄 ( 😄 = big smile )
on my walk was thinking to tell you not to put stress on yourself just when you're ready & kaboomb you'd done it.

Wow you pulled up so much courage it comes from out of the blue doesn't it
I hope you feel liberated Grandy , what a warrior

It'll get easier. Hey it's ok let the tears flow, stress out. Did you see anyone out & about

I think things are meant too G this is what I mean about time, things change things happen.
Congratulations lady very happy for you
L&C always too xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful DB and all your wonderful supporters and readers;

I think it’s great that you have such caring support here 🙂

I have admittedly only skimmed (rather than carefully read) the posts from the past few days so hopefully I haven’t misread or missed anything important.

I know it was a while ago but I’m very sorry for the loss of your father. You were only 18, I think you said. It must have been (must be) so hard especially as I recall you had a good relationship with him.

I hear you on your deep fear of losing loved ones; I think it’s because you have lost people very close to you before and you never completely forget that feeling of loss in my opinion...comforting soul hugs from me

Your latest down sounds as though it was very exhausting and intense; it seemed to take a lot out of you emotionally. Hopefully shedding tears helped...you seemed to have needed the outlet...

Talk about an unexpected turn of events with that guy contacting you again. I like how you’re taking things slowly and trying to respect yourself and your needs. I’m glad GG has been giving you some gentle advice on this 🙂

Also, it was beautiful to witness you all encouraging each other to go for walks and venture out of each other’s comfort zones.

GG, well done and congratulations 🙂 I know that couldn’t have been easy for you. That is a truly special achievement. Remarkable. I hope you feel proud of yourself, and even if you don’t feel that way right now, I hope you will...one day...

Soul hugs to all,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey Pepstar very good to see you, missed you hoping you're picking up. Think about you & other people I care about here and rl (real life) Both real but you know what I mean aye

You're an amazing person Peps, pleasure knowing you and having you as a friend thankyou for always being there for so many.

How ya travelling

Yeah not gunna hold hope or expectation this time, had to close heart a bit need some protection

Hey Starts never need to apologise when we're sick we've gotta get through it as best as we can aye
Thanks hun for asking, yeah just starting to get some happies happening again slowly.
Keep up to date with your thread xx Hope you're finding some peace from your rot too mentally & P.

Earlyish new yr seeing neuro surgeon in GC be hard one cause lot of ghosts from darlings chemo, know it'll be confronting hoping I can get up with a friend who offered if she can or lifeline MH support worker, great bloke this is serious, not stressing but lot of thoughts. Just have to take it as it comes. If it gets worse could lose muscle use, think meaning paralysis in the areas & have more pain which is ok atm has been for while phew

Suns out beautiful day, cooler here got brothers jacket on, lol for once I packed lighter slightly that is 😄 & thought summer it'll be hot as, nah nothing like where I live, the odd hotty but bearable & few cooler days yeah noice

Ok my lovelies mwah's

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

Thank you for the lovely message. I have missed you too so it’s it’s great to catch up 🙂

I’m still recovering from some Christmas parties so have been staying hydrated. Spent yesterday lying around in bed (and the floor) after too much drinking during the Christmas period. But I do feel a lot better today though.

Yes, it will be confronting to see your neurosurgeon. Reminders of your late darling...

I am worried about your physical health. I really hope that the surgeon can help you and that the pain doesn’t worsen and that you don’t lose any mobility.

I’m glad, despite everything, you’re trying to just take it step by step. As I often say, I admire your resilience and wonderful attitude.

Deep soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thx honey xx