Not in a good space

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?
1,405 Replies 1,405

Hello

Stormy and warm here today. I walked with my friend this morning in between showers, and took Storm out this arvo for a quick beach run, just to get out of the house. I'm feeling stressed about Honours today. I got my feedback from the reviewers and I don't feel smart enough to respond to it. I feel very out of my depth. And I can't talk to my supervisor as she's away. Today is one of those days I want to run away from myself, as I just need my mind to shoosh.

Hanna, I'm sorry about your friend. That would be hard. Especially if you've persisted for some time, and got nothing in return. I wouldn't like that either.

I adore Nirvana btw. Any particular song you're learning? I quite often resort to singing "Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam" when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. Like now, lol.

Katy

Hi Katy,

I imagine you have to give replies to the Hons supervisors about changes to your work etc? I can imagine that would take some work and concentration! Good that you took some time out today. You will get there, you just have to be in the right mindset - time out regularly to do nice things like go for walks/the beach sound good to me.

I'm doing a Simon & Garfunkel, he has another song for me but I don't know what it is yet... he has to choose ones that give me suitable new chords to learn each time... suitable for the level of beginner that I'm at! We did Gershwin's lovely old song Summertime at my request - he didn't know it, but he's keeping it now as it's a good one for adult beginners, and he has several new adult learners starting this term.

I like Where Did You Sleep Last Night, and yes the one you mention, and a couple of others, I need to look up the names on Utube - just not the ones where they are really screaming!! I'm not learning a Nirvana song, my teacher recommened i look up Kurt Corbain as he's another introvert and has an interesting (sad) life story - what a good looking young man he was, and what a shame.

I haven't contacted my friend for a few days now - I wouldn't mind if she would send a text at least, but when I leave a phone message and she doesn't reply, and she doesn't reply to texts, I don't know if she is OK, and it's horrible to be ignored by a friend too.

I'm having a chicken Chilli wrap and cup of soup for dinner! An easy night... and I'll try to find the names of the other Nirvana songs I liked! Cheers!

Hanna3
Community Member

About a Girl and All Apologies are good by Nirvana - and have you seen the Utube cirque de soleil (apologies for the bad spelling there my French is non-existent) of the Beatles song, While My Guitar Gently Wheeps? It's a great video. Love that song! Kurt Corbain was a peach wasn't he?

How long do you have to reply about your Hons thesis? Will you have time to talk with your supervisor about it when she's back? You're not out of your depth, I suspect most students will be feeling like that at the beginning - you'll get into the swing of it!

oxoxox

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor

Hello

My friend has messaged to see if I want to go walking, but she obviously didn't look at the weather. There's a storm about to roll through. I miss summer!

I've just pressed play on Summertime on youtube, as I wasn't familiar with it either. How lovely! Nirvana was one of my favourite bands and I still listen to them a lot. You know how they say everyone remembers where they were when they heard of Princess Diana's passing? Well it's the same for Kurt Cobain, for those of us who adored Nirvana. Oooh just checked out the Beatles clip too, that was lovely as well.

I have 2 weeks to get my reply in, but I can't speak to my supervisor until 3 days before it's due. The feedback is complex and I need to discuss it before I can do anything. Oh well. It is what it is. I'll do some reading today and try not to worry.

Take care. Katy

Hello Katy, wave to everyone,

What a pity you weren't able to get a walk in... hopefully there will be a break in the weather later today for you & Storm to get out in the fresh air.

I don't remember where I was when Di died... though I do remember where I was when Elvis died...

Lass with your reply to the feedback.... could you perhaps just consider what you think it means & jot down some ideas... then when your supervisor comes back... if you are on the right track it will put you a bit ahead for writing up your reply... if you're not then you're no worse off than if you had done nothing.... bear in mind I never went to uni so have no idea if my thoughts are actually useful or not...

Hugs
Paws

Hi Katy, (waves to all)

Did you manage to get a walk in after all? I'm glad you liked the songs/videos! I knew the name Nirvana but confess I hadn't heard of Kurt, so now I'm wiser! A talented young man who couldn't cope with the fame and a history in his family of depression... what an awful shame. How good that we can still listen to him.

Bleak and chilly here, not much happening. I tried one more text to my friend saying it would be good to hear from her, and it was a shame I didn't hear back and was she OK, but no reply again. So I will give up now, I don't know if shes in some depressive state or what. I won't bother her again, and it's not good for me to ring or text and never receive a response, it's upsetting.

Had a great music lesson, he was pleased I'd looked up Nirvana! I'm doing two new songs but we have two weeks of no lessions while he does jury duty and we don't know yet how long that will take. Poor Sam has been tired out today, I think partly from his medication.. it's a bit worrying. Without the meds he's in pain, with the meds he gets very very tired.

I think with your Hons, I'd get some points down about whatever you need to change/add or whatever it is they want you to do, and get as ready as you can to talk to your supervisor and them. I presume they made some useful constructive criticisim? I hope so anyway!

I'm having my lamb casserole and it's good in this cold, rather wet, bleak weather. Physio and a doctor appt tomorrow, so not much fun to be had! Oh well there are days like that...

Hope you managed a reasonably OK day.. pats to Stormy! oxoxo

PS: Have you seen these two videos on Utube - they are funny - Tracy Ullman, The clothes you were wearing, and A Sociopath goes for a Job Interview. One reverses the genders on an assault charge, and the other is a hoot and terrifyingly true...

Cheers!

Hi Katy,

Do you see your son today by any chance? I imagine you are also thinking of your daughter Zea. I am sending my very warmest wishes on this mother's day. Soft cuddles from little Sam xoxoxoxo

Hello

Yes, today is a bit hard. I'm going to go to the uni library and do some reading to kill time. Have spent the morning doing chores. I really appreciate your kind thoughts today, that's lovely of you. Hugs, Katy

Good idea Katy to go to the library for a while - I went and browsed in our local library here this morning. Today isn't a great day for those of us who haven't had children... reminders everywhere today! Glad when it's over. Little Sam and I both tired today... did a bit of housework and laundry.. now about to have a cuppa. oxoxoxo

hi Katy, hope you had a good day and enjoyed ur time at the university library. I'm sure you werent' the only one there cramming 🙂 enjoy ur night