Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy (waves to everyone)

How are you doing? I hope you are feeling a bit better. How is Stormy? Sending warmest wishes your way. Cheers.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Thanks for stopping by. That was a gloomy patch... Woke up with a migraine today, so I'm not sure if I'm out of the gloom or just in a different headspace because I had to take migraine pills. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Sorry you're stuck in a rut too, Paws, but I'm glad you've found something enjoyable to read. Turns out I didn't have Alice in Wonderland after all. I've not tried graphic novels, or read any Judy Blume, Sleepy. How are you going with the Russell Brand book? He seems quite intelligent.

Well I've agreed to attend a community meeting tomorrow, so let's see how that works out. Might need to give myself a serious pep talk. Although, sometimes I amaze myself what I can do... Go figure!

Biggest of hugs to all of you.

[Hanna3]

Just stopped by to say hi and see how you're going Katy. Sorry to hear you have been down with a migraine. Is it today you're going to the community meeting?

I had a bad pain flare up day yesterday, probably because I had got over tired. It's meant to be quite hot today before storms hit tomorrow... I'm off to grab a take away coffee and the newspaper and take Sam for a long walk by the river while the weather is good... hoping today the pain will settle down!

I keep meeting friends of a friend here out walking but they're always in two's and never ask me to join them walking by the river with little Sam - I feel like a third wheel all the time - met another two of them yesterday afternoon, they say hi and keep walking together and I just keep walking Sam by myself. I wonder what it is about cliques of women? Eeek.

Hoping your day goes OK today! oxoxoxox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

I'm really hoping your migraine has passed & that you are out the other side... though that wrung out feeling after a migraine isn't very nice either... at least it's a sign you are on the mend... remember fresh air & fluids can help. Do you know what triggered it? I hope it's not from worrying about the external review.

I hope you were feeling up to attending the community meeting... do they put it up online after for people who can't attend? Is the meeting about the tiny houses or another local issue?

Do look after yourself lass... gentle hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I get migraines all the time unfortunately. They usually settle in for 2-3 days at a time, and I just have to wait for them to pass. Today it is on the way out, thank goodness. It seems to be a musculoskeletal issue of some kind.

Well I managed to attend the community meeting. It was in relation to seeking improvements to the local dog off leash park. Unfortunately, feeling unwell due to my migraine, I was a tad grumpy lol and my community spirit didn't really come through. Oh well...

Hanna, that is a shame that the ladies don't ask you to join them. If you're all walking anyway, the more the merrier, right? I don't really mind being a third wheel. The lady that I walk with sometimes, we've been walking together for quite a few years now, and over the years she's at times brought someone else along with her - family or friend. Do you usually see the same faces when you're out walking Sam? I'm not sure how big your town is. I know you said Sam has played with some nice dog friends before.

Well my boy cat messed on my son's bed yesterday and it soaked right through to the mattress. I've had to do three loads of washing and I've poured baking soda on the mattress. I'll vacuum it tomorrow when I'm feeling up to it, but really hope it doesn't stink. Cat wee is the worst!

Hope your pain's eased a bit Hanna.

Hugs to all xo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

You've had migraines and I've had this pain flare up for days now, so we're a good pair! I managed to do some vacuuming today at least despite it anyway... and took Sam out walking.

The women walk in pairs and they just say hi and keep walking when they see me with Sam - they stop momentarily to say hi and then they keep walking on together. I really can't be bothered with them to be honest - they are part of a larger group and everyone knows everyone else, and it's a big clique with no privacy and doesn't appeal to me much. I think I prefer my friends to come from out of town originally, or at least not be part of such a large "in group". It all seems a bit incestuous - was chatting to my friend on the coast and she said she also thought it rude they didn't ever suggest I walk with them for a bit. Whatever. I think I'm at the age where I think if people are like that, well OK but I don't want to be, and I go off and find somebody else eventually.

The book club I was in was like that, so I gave it up and started music which was the best thing I could have done! So I suspect it's just a sign for me to look elsewhere for women friends here and not that particular group.

I've been trying to do some music practice... but pain flare ups make me tired. The community meeting doesn't sound terribly exciting, I wonder what they wanted to do re the dog off leash park.

Hope you have a decent week with Uni this week. Did you find something good to read? I seem to have a short attention span these days and I'm having trouble sticking with anything!

Cheers!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

Hard when pain limits what you can do. My place always gets into a shambles when I'm down with migraines for days. I managed a bit of tidying last night, but really need to vacuum and mop.

I've heard people talk about clique-y towns. I've not experienced it myself, but it does sound difficult. I try to be friendly to everyone, especially anyone who seems to be on the outer. I've always done so. I just wish I was more outgoing as I'm not very good at it these days. How's Rosemary going by the way? Have you seen much of her? I've messaged my friend to see if she wants to walk before the rain comes in today, but she's always so busy lately. Might be a solo walk again. Oh well.

I finished reading The Yield. I quite enjoyed it. I'm currently reading Pedagogy of the Oppressed, but that's more uni related. I've been watching far too much tv. Although I did enjoy watching a David Attenborough doco last night. I do like those.

Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I've got a worse flare up today and I have a music lesson in an hour, what a bummer!!!

My friend in the other state and I usually chat on the phone virtually every day. Her sister was killed in a car accident a couple of months ago - since then she has only spoken to me once and doesn't respond to any text messages or phone messages I leave. I really miss our regular chats, and find it difficult to deal with no response at all week after week. I am wondering what to think of this - I think she goes into a depression and I understand with her sister dying... but not even a text once in that time responding... I fee like the friendship no longer exists. Any thoughts on this? I'd appreciate any input.

I thought of cancelling music this arvo but it's already paid for (there's no refund) and it gives me someone to talk to for an hour which might do me some good - pain on top of being lonely ain't good! I'm cooking a lamb casserole in the slow cooker today too, as it's a cold bleak sort of day...

Glad you liked The Yield, it just wasnt my thing for whatever reason. How's uni going? Sorry your friend isn't available today either.

I think I'd prefer to make a friend or two that doesn't belong to that group - I Googled adult women's cliques and it sure looks and sounds like that. I think I prefer people who aren't members of a gossip circle!

Feeling a bit wierd from not talking to anyone much for days!!!! It's not good is it?

Pats to Stormy -poor Sam only got a very short walk this morning as I was too crook to walk much. Cheers!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hanna

Good on you walking Sam even when you're sore. A short walk is better than none any day 🙂 I hope you made it to music and it went ok. I agree it's nice to get out and be social. My friend wasn't available today, and I'm a bit lonely myself, but I walked Storm and it was lovely out. In regard to your friend, that is indeed hard. And if she isn't responding to you, it's hard to ask her what's going on and how she is. I don't suppose you have any mutual contacts that you could get in touch with, and express your concerns to? The one time you did get to talk to her, was everything ok then?

Lamb casserole sounds yummy! I bought fixings for chicken and vegetable soup. I thought I'd make up a big pot and freeze some. Might make curried sausages this week too. What other things do you like to cook? I'm always looking for ideas.

My friend recommended "You need to know" by Nicola Moriarty. I really want to go buy it, but I'm so poor at the moment. I might see if the library has it when I go into town on the weekend for yoga - if I can afford yoga lol. Help!

Well, hope your day has gone ok. Hugs from us here - well, maybe not from Storm - she has fleas and I've had to order her treatment on line. So best no hugs from her for now! Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I made music but gosh it turned cold and dark and the rain poured down, so no walk for Sam this evening, we scuttled home! I find my music - harp - teacher unnerving and I can't work out why exactly! He's perfectly nice - I think it's that he's very formal and I feel like I can't get to relax with him. Interesting contrast in my two teachers - they're like the total opposite of each other. I prefer a laugh and a chat while I'm learning..

My friend told me she was "going through some stuff" which I understand, given she lost her sister - but I dont understand not even one text in reply to phone calls, even asking if she's OK. We don't have a common friend unfortunately any more, given that we've both moved. I havent phoned or messaged for a couple of days now and I don't think I will until she makes contact, but it is affecting me as I don't feel it's a friendship I can rely on any more.... I haven't had a friend who constantly ignores things... just a text to say "I'm feeling rotten, not up to talking" would be OK.

Rosemary I hardly see btw - the gates are locked and she doesn't hear the buzzer or the phone!!! I know her husband is very frail and ill. I left a note in her letterbox recently so she knows I have been wondering how things are with her.

My guitar teacher has been following Nirvana, so from harp music I'm now also into Grunge and Kurt Cobain, it's quite funny!! What a difference!

Off to get some dinner - music nights I slum it with a chicken wrap and a mug of hot soup! hugs!