Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy (waves to Sleepy!)

Let us know how your Uni meeting goes. I have no idea what it was about? I'm sure they will be pleasant. Is it about your current course or your Honours? I'll check back here later on... hope it all goes well. hugs.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy,

Since the last prac you had was really scary, I think it's natural to be a bit hesitant about this one... I can understand that feeling as the old memories come back. I hope this will be a much better experience for u and that was just a once-off difficult monster prac. I hope u do great and found a way through it.

I'm not super artsy with little details -more of a big picture kind of girl - so decorating is all new to me. Im trying to decorate away the bad-memories.

My apartment has a lot of them, sadly.

Hanging up flowers upside down like that is pretty in. I do scroll through design instagrams and see all these cute things ppl do. .... floral is lately associated with joy. I can kind of see why. They told me to put the dried flowers in water for a week which no one online recommends due to mold. I have had them in water for a few days and now took them out.

I hope everything went well today... that sounds like an interesting read. I'm watching Search Party on Stan which is pretty funny. It used to me on SBS iview. It's like a millenial murder mystery which is really witty. There are some great cameos like Rosie Perez, Ron Livingston, and Ben Stiller's wife Christine Taylor. The millenial slackers in it are pretty funny when faced with trying to solve a missing person. They are constantly having brunch and balancing their selfishness with their altruism....

[Hanna3]

Sorry Katy you did say it was about next year's prac. How did the meeting go? Hoping all went well for you. hugs.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I've uploaded a new pic of Storm. You can't see her whole outfit as i had to trim the pic, but you can see the star I made and her big smile. She's a funny girl. Hopefully by the time I post - the new pic is showing...

Well my appointment yesterday went well. I was so wound up by the time I arrived that I walked in and burst into tears, but the woman was super lovely. We just talked about where might be a good place to do placement, for someone that has anxiety. Thanks both for your support, I'm glad it's over and I can "forget about uni" for a bit now.

Sleepy, I get what you mean about decorating away memories. I think even little changes can make a big difference. Even just shuffling things around, or something new to catch your eye. I did the same after my ex left. I wanted it to feel like my space again, not "our" space. I hope your flowers are bringing you good vibes. You're such a nice person, you deserve to feel good.

I'll have to check out the show you mention - well, if it's on SBS still. I don't have STAN. I don't know why I watch so many dark, thriller type shows, and nothing particularly cheerful.

We're having lovely sunny days averaging 30 now - finally! I took Stormy for a swim this morning and got talking to a nice man who was walking his dog. He was telling me he hadn't taken his canoe out for a bit as he was worried about sharks! I did my best to convince him that there aren't any locally lol. I don't want to get scared out of taking my board out, so I'm always telling people we don't have sharks here haha. We did see a dolphin though - there's definitely dolphins here. I remember the first time I saw one up close - they seem so much bigger up close! If one was to pop out in front my board I'd probably die of fright lol

Anyway I haven't done much else. A pretty lazy day really. I'm masterchef'ing and making stuffed zucchini for dinner. Starving!

Hope all is well in your worlds today. Sending big hugs and hopefully grins (if my pic has been uploaded!). Katy xo

[blondguy]

Hey Katy

I posted about your new pic (Storm) on another thread. I have had a smile on my face since I logged on and noticed...Paul 🙂

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Oh WOW!!!.... I love Storms big happy grin.... I found myself grinning right back at her. (& I'm still smiling)

The star looks nice too....

You should be so proud of yourself managing to get to your appointment despite how anxious you were. It's good to know they will be taking your anxiety into consideration when deciding on your future placement ...

I would love to see a dolphin in the wild... it must have been wonderful seeing one... sharks on the other hand.... ummm... I think I'll pass.

Give Storm a big belly rub from me & here is a big hug for you

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Stormy certainly looks festive! Is that star on her head or it is on something behind her, I can't quite see from the pic.

We used to see dolphins a lot where I lived in coastal town - there were quite big groups of them, they're lovely to watch. They used to play by swimming beside boats as they went along. There was also a spot where the sharks used to come by and people would feed them - usually grey nurse sharks which are protected.

Glad to hear the interview went OK, all that worry for nothing hey?

Hope you enjoy the stuffed zuchini! I've been wrapping a couple of presents and writing a couple of cards to go with them after a long walk by the river this morning - pleasantly overcast and coolish here, hooray!

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy -

Ur pup looks so beautiful and I love what u made for her! amazing skills! did u sew that urself?

I think it's awesome that u could be honest and express what was happening to the academic. Good for u for getting it done and expressing what u needed to. I hope u can find a good placement

uni is so many hurdles and bumps... i fully feel for u having to go through it.. and am glad u can now take a break x

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

awww I'm glad you like my pic ❤️

Yes, the star took me about 2 hours to make and it turned out better than I expected since I had no clue what I was doing. I've sewn it onto a headband so it's easy to put on. Bit of fun and something to do 🙂

Thanks so much for all your support and understanding around my uni issues. I think it's more difficult for people with good mental health to understand just how challenging even "simple" tasks can be sometimes, when you have mental health challenges.

Well another gorgeous day here today. I've been debating buying rollerskates! I even went to the shop and looked at them, but I'm not convinced it's a good idea for someone in their mid 40's. What do you think? It sounds like a fun idea to while away some time in the sunshine, but I have a feeling I'm a bit more breakable these days.

Glad your weather is cooler, Hanna! At least you and Sam will be able to get out and about a bit more.

Is anyone planning Christmas food? I can't stop thinking about food! I should stop thinking about food though...

Hugs all round (Storm says thanks for the belly rub!) Katy xo

[Guest_1643]

Hi katy no joke I saw a woman in her 40s in rollerskates in the supermarket and I thought she was so stunning!

she was dressed like a teenager in a midriff top etc... u just reminded me of her. She looked happy on her skates which is the main thing!

i really like the star u made and that's clever to put it on a headband for the pup. it's a gorgeous pic

Yes I think it is really hard for ppl without mental health struggles to understand

I didn't have energy to cook when I was not well, and I told my friend I'd just been down and had no energy to cook

We had about twenty texts before she understood it

I was bombarded with questions like

Why not? Do u have produce? Do u not have a stove top?

Is ur oven broken?

Why can't you cook?

It is hard sometimes when there is such a different wavelength. I can relate very much to finding simple things hard...uni though is a really big thing and sometimes those meeting are intimidating, there is a power imbalance as well with the lecturers.

It is hard sometimes to feel relaxed chatting to them - but seems you connected easily and had a great and helpful dialogue which is amazing! How has it been on holiday mode? I dont do xmas atm i'm just ignoring it lol as I have no family to speak of.
Keep well!!