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Not in a good space

Valued Contributor
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It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?
1,405 Replies 1,405

Hi Hanna

Our campus only decided today to go online. It seems the library will remain open, but I'm not sure how that works given libraries were told today to close here in WA. We'll be having two weeks mid-semester break instead of one, to coincide with school holidays, which is nice because that gives everyone a bit of extra time out or time to finish assessment pieces. It's a little bittersweet I suppose, as I was just settling into the classroom environment and the ladies in my group had turned out to be really lovely. Never mind.

To think positively - if there's any good time to be forced into isolation, it's final year of uni right? I have plenty to keep me busy 🙂

I hope you have a nice pile of books prepared! Do jump onto SBS online if you get bored, lots of good movies and tv shows there to enjoy while the library is inaccessible. Hope you and Sam are well, and the weather continues to be lovely. We have a few warm days incoming, which is nice. I do love the sunshine!

Hugs, Katy (who's looking forward to her psych appointment tomorrow!)

Good luck with your psych appointment tomorrow Katy - and yes at least you have Uni study to keep you busy!

I've never tried SBS on demand, I'm going to have to pay to get some more data on my internet supply I can see... is there anything there you'd recommend to me (movies or shows) - given that we both like scani noir stuff - or anything else?

And how's the smelly flower? hugs oo

Hi Katy girl - I read that uni is going online for you, its the same for my daughter (and strangely enough her library is staying open also) . She is super disappointed as she was enjoying the experience of physically attending.

As far as the ocular migraines go, managing them is pretty much the same as normal migraines, not really any meds that can be taken just the advice of maybe sit in a dark room for a bit, hydrate etc. As I mentioned I haven't had one for a while and they seem to come in clusters so I am doing my best to ward off any more as its scary to experience vision loss and kaleidoscope visuals. It only ever last 15 minutes or so but I am always left feeling like I cant string a sentence together after I have one, no fun at all. I think I just have too many tabs open in my brain at the moment! - housing issues, pending health tests, daughter issues,to name a few - I think maybe feeling a bit overwhelmed has brought them on again.

I did find some stuff to watch as a good distraction. I got lost in National Geographic 'Most Dangerous Ways to School' - fascinating. Documented kids around from different countries and the extreme treks they have in order to get an education. Then I watched a doco about the Spanish Flu (maybe not the best choice considering the current climate, but it was really interesting).

What's happening with your yoga classes with these new rules? I suppose it would be cancelled? I don't do gym, rarely go to the cinema or plays or concerts, but I do love a lunch and coffee in cafes when I can so that's a bummer. It just all seems a bit surreal that in the blink of an eye society has so many changes - its all feeling very bizarre.

Good luck with your appointment today. I hope its a helpful session.

More squeezy hugs

CS xo

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Hanna and CS

I had a good appointment with my psych, but still feeling bummed out. Since then yoga has been totally canned. The instructor was going to switch to outdoors but the "yoga society" or whoever deemed it not to be safe either, so there went that. And now it seems the WA government is introducing intrastate travel bans, which worries me as my son is in a different zone to me and we're both on our own. I don't want to focus on all the negatives, but it's hard not to when the impact is so great.

Not sure how I feel about your distraction choices, CS, I was imagining something a bit lighter lol. And yes, I always feel a bit dumb after a migraine, especially a 3 day event! I remember reading that it's electrical impulses shooting around like a lightning storm in your brain, so a bit of dumbness afterwards seems reasonable. I hope at least some of your worries are resolved soon enough x

Hanna, there's probably nothing off the top of my head I would recommend on SBS on Demand, but there's a lot of variety so I think you'd find things you like. The movie selection is diverse, there's some quirky fun tv series, a scandi noir section, docos, current affairs... and it's free 🙂 Gotta love that x

Sorry this post isn't more cheerful, but I did manage to find some food items on the shelves yesterday, and so I'm going to make curried sausages for dinner. So that's something 🙂

Thanks for saying hi, and hugs, it's appreciated. Hugs back, Katy

ps: the smelly flower died (good! lol)

Hi CS (excuse me Katy for butting into your thread!) - but could you tell me where you found these two documentaries you mention as they do sound interesting! Hope all is well with you, Hanna xx

Hi Katy, yes all my social stuff has been cancelled, it's a bummer isn't it. A couple of us wanted the book club to meet up sitting in a circle but distancing in the park - but the others didn't want to and prefer just email, rats!

You really find yoga helpful so I'm sorry it's been cancelled. That sounds a shame about your son, I think there are some exceptions permitted - I don't know if that includes immediate family perhaps? It may be worth checking that out somewhere/somehow...

Bit of a bummer day here today too, overcast, the town mostly empty - I had to go to two supermarkets to find lactose free milk I was running out - no soap, no rice, it's a real struggle to shop.

Can you cuddle up to Storm for a bit, enjoy your curried sausages (yum! - does Storm get any?) and can you maybe do yoga at home with music playing perhaps? Not the same I know - or do it outdoors anywhere nice?

It's going to be a tough winter here, so cold and snowy/icy and no snug warm cafes to go into and read a book, no nice warm library to browse in, no cafes to grab some lunch in a warm sociable place, yuk.

Sam was a brave boy today and had eye drops put in by the vet - I've been chatting to Paws on my thread... take care girl I am down about all my activities stopping too, rats it's a bad time isn't it.

With you in virtual spirit girl! hugs ooo

Yay - Pic of Stormy is back! She is utterly beautiful! I think I am in love with dogs even more now as they are totally oblivious to all of the hoo ha going on at the moment. Must be blissful! Your smelly flower was interesting but your current pic is utterly adorable...

Sitting here with a well deserved coffee after 'micro' cleaning the bathroom, and I mean it when I say micro clean. All I can smell now is a mix of bleach and dettol. The bleach is a bit awful but man I love the smell of dettol. I think candles and those smelly reed things should come in a dettol fragrance. Gosh I love it!

I didn't realise your son was in a different state to you. You mentioned that was concerning to you with the borders shutting. In normal times the distance doesn't seem so bad as we know its possible to go wherever. I hope your doing ok with this Katy. I am sort of on the other end of things a my daughter recently moved back home. Like you, she will be doing uni online and her work place is considering allowing work from home also. It will be weird for her to get up for uni and go into the study, and get up for work and go into the study! What strange times we are living through.

I hope your having a good day Katy girl xo


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

bah humbug! Of all the times to have a visit from my ex, now is really not a great one. I'm already busy trying to keep on top of my stress levels. I really wish I was more assertive, and just said "off you pop buddy", but no, "come in and have a cup of tea" and I'll just ball my eyes out later, no problem. And my traiterous animals all excited to see him. bah humbug some more! This was my yesterday.

Still a struggle to shop here too, Hanna. And not just food anymore. The veggie seedling racks in Bunnings were empty, there's no exercise equipment left in town to purchase, chest freezers either, and my son said gaming consoles are sold out too. I keep wondering what next. And at the same time, people are still not social distancing. Every time I go to the shop, people are still standing on top of me. But, on a positive note - today there were eggs in the shop! Yay! Always a bonus to find one of the items you've not seen for some time lol

Now, CS, pray tell why you are micro cleaning your bathroom? Super deserving of a coffee I'd say. How are you finding it having your daughter home with you? How's she managing with all the changes too? That must be a lot when you're just getting into the swing of uni and they go and change it all on you!

My son actually only lives about 2 hours away, in the same state, but the WA government is restricting movement between regions, to try and contain the virus. As you say, it's only scary knowing that I 'can't' go and see him, and who knows for how long.

I can't decide which thing is stressing me the most. My brain feels like a giant melting pot of ick and I feel like my heart is just racing constantly. I will try valiantly to put on my positive pants and just keep keeping on, but oh boy - calm down, life!

hmmm is micro cleaning good for anxiety?

Love and hugs from me and smiley chops xo

Hi Katy,

I only just logged onto the computer - oh no your ex, and worse still the pets are glad to see the wretch! Traitors! Sorry that's happened on top of everything else... hope you are recovering... maybe you could text him not to visit - it's easier to be brave via text...

On my thread you'd see I had a prang with the car yesterday so that was a totally s...t day. Mechanic still trying to find the part (don't buy a Honda they are hopeless to find parts for!). Zero company today and it's cold and bleak which makes me feel even more lonely.

So we're both miserable, oh joy we can keep each other company being miserable together!!! I cannot understand why everywhere is out of eggs - why are people suddenly buying so many, you can't freeze them so what on earth are they doing? I just have one soft boiled for brekkie but trying to get eggs, tinned veggies (I gave up) and lactose free milk means I have to keep going back and back to the shops when I want to stay away!!!!

I don't know how to change my profile picture, I wanted to make it one of where I used to live, just to make me feel even more miserable...

Well dear Lady I do feel for you and wish you'd been able to boot your ex out the door, but at least he's gone now and well done for enduring it and you darn well have a cry if you need to, you are entitled.

Virtual hugs and warm furry ones from Mr Sam, take care and pat Storm even though she was traitorous! Dogs are so loving... ooo hugs

Hi there Katy girl - Oh dear, a visit from the ex, that's a bit challenging. It must have been really difficult. Did it help with any closure or did it just upset you all over again?

Cleaning - Sigh. I have some OCD and have always used cleaning to soothe anxiety. I have been like this from quite a young age. I think this virus pandemic triggered the cleaning frenzy, I was ok until I saw the numbers rise significantly. Its also not just a case of change the sheets and run a vacuum over - its more like pull all the furniture out of the room and clean from top to bottom. Its exhausting but I feel like I have to do it in order to be calm. In saying this, my space is not always perfect, its actually a matter of 'all or nothing' as in, if I cant do it perfectly I wont do it at all. Therefore my house is either perfection or dirty, never just normal. I would love for it to be just normal like everyone else. I would prefer to engage in other behaviours to ease anxiety but I suppose cleaning is probably better than smoking or drinking. Better if I could channel it into other soothing behaviours. You must think I am a total nut job now but that's ok 🙂

I didn't realise there were restrictions on movements between regions within WA - I guess I was forgetting how massive your state is. I hope you are doing ok with being apart from your son. Yes my daughter is super disappointed about uni being online. As far as having her back home, gosh, I have been battling guilt about this. To clarify, I love having her around and I would never say no to her moving back. I understand that she hated her job and wants a different direction in life and has to do what makes her happy. But, my partner is on a terribly low income and I get a pittance pension (like its barely worth mentioning, its nearly nothing) and out rent is massive so finances are extremely tight. My daughter only has a couple of shifts now and it only covers her own car expenses and phone credit so she cant contribute and this is putting financial pressure on our household. Its a battle in my brain between wanting to be a supportive mum and feeling a bit taken for granted as her financial safety net so she can do what makes her happy.

I hope you are ok in these bizarre times we find ourselves in. I picture the area you live in to be active and vibrant like where I live and its so strange to see everything like a ghost town and quieter.

Squeezy hugs to you and 'smiley chops'

CS xo