Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Thanks Hanna

Ever played Monopoly and you've had no luck and someone else owns all the properties, and you're just going around the board desperately hoping not to land on anything they own? Life kind of feels like that right now and I'm bummed and tired.

Your suggestions are all great thanks, and I'm going to have to do all that, like it or not. Stormy and her pufferfish ear are ok, that's the main thing.

Hope you and Sam are keeping warm. Hugs, Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Ha, that's a good comparison with Monopoly! I just logged on to see if you'd posted and how you are.

Yes I know it's all humiliating and difficult and embarrassing and tiring... not having enough money is horrible I know all too well. I hated having to go begging for my electricity bill the other week, and begging to my brother (who is mostly horrible to me, I had to brace myself for nasty replies). It sucks.

Just know that others of us have gone through the same thing and it's frightening and humiliating to not have enough money to survive. You're so dependent on the good will of others when you are used to being independent.

You will manage to get through. Not sure how the centrelink emergency payments work, that might be something else worth checking... remember in a fortnight you will get another payday! I tend to cook and keep some frozen meals in the freezer for times like this, and I buy up canned soups while they're on special... but i'm sure you know all these things already.

Just know you have people here who support you and know how horrible it is! oxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Lass from what you wrote about poor Storm it didn't sound as though the vet explained things such as why he wanted to wait a week before draining her ear... maybe you already know but in case not I thought I might be able to explain & perhaps ease your worries a bit... some haematoma are simply re-absorbed into the ear & vanish over about a week... if the vet thinks this is likely they will wait & hopefully avoid the surgery needed to drain it...

Some dogs with haematomas will shake their heads a lot making their ears flap about which will slow/stop healing...(Great Danes are definitely good at this)... if Storm is shaking her head fit her with a snood to keep her ears still... you can buy them but there are cheap home made alternatives... you just need something a bit stretchy that will fit her head... a sock with the toe end cut off... panties with the gusset cut out... let your imagination run wild... just don't tell Stormy how silly she looks...

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna, Paws, all 🙂

Hanna, you've used a lot of apt words for what it's like not having money. I think with the soup van, free bread from the church, and what I have on hand, I'll be ok. But I'll need help with pet food so will still have to go begging. Plus the vet visit - no idea what the cost for that will be. I'm going to have to ring and ask them, and then figure something out. Yuk - more begging.

Paws, thanks for that. The vet said if he drained it, it would just fill up again, so best to wait a week. He also didn't mention surgery, and it's not a surgical appointment I've been given. I would have asked more questions but they'd just had a big emergency in there and everyone was in a fluff. Sounds like I need to call them. Anyway, will try the snood as I asked Stormy to stop shaking her ears and she just looked at me and kept shaking. Hmph!

Hope you're both going ok. Big hugs, Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Life throws up one thing after another doesn't it? I'm listening to utube talks/videos from The School of Life and he has some good ideas on life and relationships, but I should suggest something on financial problems and how to cope with the stress!!!

I'm having a totally yuk day here, I'm absolutely exhausted, it's from the vision problem mainly and I have days like today when I am so tired it's hard to move. Apparently the fatigue is well known for dealing with monocular vision, but there's no help from the eye specialist here, the physitherapist gave me some insight and the rest of the information I've had to Google! Not one person I know ever asks me if I am managing OK or do I need any help with anything - I think people think if you can see OK out of one eye you're OK but it doesn't work like that.

Reaching for something in the freezer or a cupboard, putting something down on a table or shelf (I miss), attaching Sam's lead to his collar (now takes several attempts), pouring a glass of water reaching for a door handle, are all so difficult as I can't judge just how close or far things are away. I wondered why I get so exhausted and the physio told me! I even have trouble finding the armhole in clothing when I am getting dressed. I periodically have meltdowns where I just cry and cry! Everything is more difficult and time consuming and I have to concentrate on the smallest thing.

I wish my ex-friend in the other state who was so abusive when I made the accidental phone call (because I hit the wrong thing on the phone looking for the time/weather when I woke up) could have tried to be more understanding. I didn't know losing sight in my eye would also lose me friends!

Anyway that's my rant for the day, sorry! Sam and I spent a lazy hour or so in the sunshine this morning... he goes to the vet tomorrow afternoon. We've both been in bed this arvo! Now going to get a cuppa.

I hope Stormy is OK. Hugs to you there oxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Yes haematomas can refill after being drained... sorry I forgot that they can usually drain them just using a needle without needing surgery...I'm too used to Great Dane's which are usually drained under anaesthetic as they are big dogs needing incisions to be made.... however if it does refill it may need minor surgery to insert a drain tube which they need to stitch in place...

I wouldn't think getting her ear drained should cost more than a standard consult... if you have been taking Storm there all her life they should be happy to let you pay things off...

Lass I was thinking with getting help to afford Storm's food... maybe if you feel able you could ask the folk at the soup van if they know who might be able to provide help... when you consider how many people who are in need or even the homeless who have pets... there must be some support out there.

With what looks like cold weather heading your way I hope you have a good book or two that you can lose yourself in as you snuggle up with Storm on the couch or in bed....

Hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

So freaking overwhelmed and still in bed just having a good cry. Thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Honestly, how am I supposed to get myself organised for a prac I'm quite terrified about, and write a freaking thesis when I'm so stressed over trying to make sure we are fed and that Storm can get treatment.

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about the thing that would "fix" everything. Easy to see how some people decide "yep, I'm done". My life is a bag of rubbish

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, I'm just grabbing a quick cuppa before I take Sam to the vet and then me to a doctor's appointment and I saw your post. Also my computer is apparently going to try to install updates yet again, so I don't know if/when this pc will stop working again the blasted thing!!!! I wish I could stop the updates!!!!

OK... how long before your next payday? Can you go to a charity and ask for free food and/or a voucher for a supermarket? Just go through the humiliation and go in and explain about the vets bills - that's what I did recently and the lady was great about it. What else do you need to pay for - petrol? Any other bills that you can postpone or not? If you let us know maybe we can brainstorm a few ideas for you so you're not feeling so alone?

You will do fine with the thesis, at the moment you don't have the energy to worry about it so leave it be for the moment. When does the prac start and what specifically (if you can say here) is worrying you about it? Is it contact with people?

Remember you always put yourself down and you always end up doing well. So big breath, and put on your big pants as the saying goes, and tell yourself you can and will get through this OK!!!!

Hope to check in tonight if the blaster computer will let me!!!!!!! eeeek. Hugs!

[Guest_1643]

sorry ur struggling katy. I agree with the heirachy of needs, yet look at ur will and drive and power through all difficulties, i tihnk that isn't accounted for in the heirachy. Passion and will.
It is really hard without the basics and with the bills sitting over us, like who knows what the next one will be. That stress alone is horrible. I hope u can destress in some of ur amazing ways, yoga, sunset watching, plants and hanging with your doggo. (apparantly it is very cheugy for millenials like me to use the word doggo... sorry!!)

xx

[Paw Prints]

Katy,

Oh lass... I wish I could give you a big supportive hug in real life...

Remember you are a lovely kind generous person... you matter... you are loved in r/l & here...

I believe you are strong enough to get through this rough patch lass... including asking for assistance...

As for the uni stuff... last year things seemed insurmountable at times for you... but you didn't just get through, you excelled... so much so they offered you a place doing honours...

There are people & support services who can help you through this patch... talk to your uni counselling service.. see if the folk on the BB helpline can direct you to assistance that is in your area.

Huggliest of hugs

Paws