Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[blondguy]

Hey Katy and everyone!

Happy New Year.... I really hope you have a good 2021

my kindest

Paul

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Yesterday I went from my bed, to my lounge, to my outdoor chair... and back again... all day, just staring at the wall.

Today, that little voice, the bad one that says "harm yourself". Where does it come from? Why does it say these things? Instant blergh and tears.

I am going to undecorate the tree branch I put up for Christmas, and hang origami paper cranes from it - if the voice will shush while I make them. Or maybe we'll make them together, tears and all.

What a fun space. If you're reading this and you've ever sat in this space, then I'm very sorry. You didn't or don't deserve this. No-one does.

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I'm sorry, I haven't been on BB today until now. I'm sorry you've been here alone and feeling so bad. I hope that unpleasant voice has gone away.

I think you were a bit "high" having such a lovely time with your brother etc, and now you've crashed, which is what most of us do when we suddenly find ourselves alone again. You will be OK and come out of this, you've done it before. Please ring and talk to someone OK? I might not be here again tonight but do ring a counsellor and get some help if you need to. Remember you will come out of this again.

Sending soft fluffy warm snuggles and hugs from Little Sam xoooooxxx

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Friday morning and I am wondering how you are? I will try to come back later today and check... we are in for a heat wave here but it's still coolish today.. I have to run errands. I hope you are feeling better. Hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Katy..

Im so sorry that your struggling a lot with your mental health....

I can resonate with your day yesterday..as it happens to me..I have trouble daily finding things to do..and most days I either sit on my lounge looking out my door, or when I can sit outside on my veranda looking over at the paddock and trees....sometime s/h thoughts do enter my thoughts..why I don’t know...Katy..honey they are just thoughts and we don’t have to act on our thoughts...big hug beautiful lady.🤗.

The best way..well, what works for me most times..is putting my radio on..or a CD that I like and know..then sing a long with the words of the song...One thing I do know, is that our mind can only think of one thing at a time..so if your thinking about and singing the words to a song..your brain is pretty busy and hasn’t got enough room for those self harm thoughts..

Tears are okay Katy...I think they release the built up hurt from our soul...Please Katy..it’s okay if your not okay..but if your hurting to much or those thoughts get to heavy to handle..A gentle suggestion dear Katy...please can you ring our beautiful and caring trained counsellors at the 24/7 number...1300 22 4636....

Talk here when you are up to it...How are you feeling today?

Sending you my care, hugs and love, dear Katy..

Grandy..

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Was feeling good and a bit like my old self again, and it was nice. Then something happened (which I don't want to talk about here) and it all tumbled away instantly. I guess that's how fragile my mental health still is. Everything felt ok, then nothing felt ok.

This morning I woke up and it was hot already, so I took Stormy for a swim. It was lovely. But as soon as I got home I cried. It just feels lonely, and I feel lost.

Thanks for being here...

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, Hi Grandy

Only here for a minute - sorry you are feeling lonely Katy, I guess after having the nice company over Christmas/New Year... it's been lovely and cool here this morning I've taken Sam for a lovely long walk by the river, nobody was there so he could run free of leash, he had a grin from ear to ear..

Maybe Grandy's suggestion of playing some nice music (happy music) or maybe take yourself out for a coffee? Watch a funny DVD?

Remember these moods always pass, we just have to wait them out.. fluffiest soft cuddles from Sam...

oxoxo

[Guest_1643]

Hey Katy - i know the feeling

stay strong

all the good you achieved still walks with u and helsp u - we all experience setbacks. hope you feel better soon. ups and downs are sure hard in this process - why can't it be easier? x

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Lass let the tears flow... let the hurt be washed away by them... your friends here are always by your side in spirit even though we can't be in person...

Recovery isn't a straight line... it goes forward.. backward.. sideward.. up & down... it can feel we aren't making any progress at all... it can feel we have succeeded... there are no definites...

As our lovely Grandy said so well lass... remember to reach out if the hurting gets too much... to your family or to one of the helplines.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I bought a trashy book to read. My ex wouldn't have approved. That alone makes me happy. A small act of defiance. It's a beautiful evening and I've read a chapter out the back, with the sprinkler going. Peaceful

My brother asked me to come crabbing, and gave me 0.5 seconds to be at his house before leaving w/out me. I chose not to react.

Maybe I am still returning to me? I even went to Centrelink today, and spoke to uni yesterday - all while in a mess.

I apologise that this is a bit dear diary still. I'm thinking I should keep a diary. Maybe you mentioned that, Paws? I promise I appreciate you all. Just trying to figure stuff out xo