Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Did you manage to get to Uni this afternoon? If not, perhaps tomorrow will be better. I think Paws'idea of the plant was a good one! Maybe good to give yourself a day off, a long weekend!

A talking bird narrating a book is a bit much for me - I'll have to Google the one you're reading, but I think I can handle a talking dog slightly better! I have no idea what whiteness theory is, glad you must know at least!!!

I hope you manage tomorrow OK, anxiety is not nice to deal with by yourself I know well - give yourself some positive self-talk and don't be too hard on yourself, just do as little as you can to get through. Furry hugs from Mr Sam xoxo

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katie good luck for this week

I've read the article on White Privelege which was like a list - is it related? A list of luxuries experiences not encountered for white people...

Hang in there, happy plants, books and animals around you xox

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

I Googled whiteness theory, sounds interesting - thank you for putting me on to that!

You'll be OK lady. xoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello all

Made it in yesterday for a few hours, unhappily. Not even going to try today. It just is what it just is. I can't keep adding a layer of stress about what people think of me, on top of the stress of what I think about myself. I'm not ok and I either hang on until I can see my psych and hope that helps - or quit.

Can't afford it but I'm going to try and go to yoga tomorrow night. I need to up my self care. Trying to eat better too. What else to do? Why is this so darn hard? whinge whinge whinge is all I do lately **sigh**

Anyway... white privilege is all the invisible advantage conferred to people by way of simply being born white. It isn't earned, and usually isn't noticed until it's specifically pointed out. It's a pretty eye-opening thing to unpack. Whiteness theory is more complex but equally interesting. Glad you had a squiz Hanna. I do love learning and I'm missing my studies, which I didn't think I would.

Anxiety is hard to manage alone, so I'm blessed to pop in here and see your support. Thankyou all xoxoxxoxxo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Going to yoga sounds like a very good idea, it will help you to relax. I am having terrible trouble with anxiety myself due to my vision problems and I find going outdoors and even just sitting where it's nice outside helps - being around nature with Sam.

Don't give up yet, just take a break and try on a better day - you might feel a bit better after a break today... anxiety sucks I know. sending hugs xoxox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Lass you are not "whinging" you are struggling. Everyone struggles to some degree. MH issues just add to the struggles & makes them seem insurmountable at times. It's so tiring struggling every hour of every day so it can be so very hard even just trying to do basic living. Finding the oomph to keep trying isn't easy, but I do believe you can do this lass. It's ok you didn't go today, you managed a few hours yesterday which is great. Perhaps tomorrow try the bit by bit steps & see if you can get there. Even if it's only for an hour or so, promise yourself a reward for afterwards doing something you like doing, go paddle boarding, eat an icecream, run through the shallows with storm. Lass if you quit you will be forever haunted by the question "what if I had", if you keep going even if it's in fits & starts. Yes there is the possibility it will mean you may fail to pass, but the possibility will remain you will manage to pass despite everything.

Sorry if that sounds like a lecture it's not meant as such, I'm just trying to show you that I believe in you.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Katy, what Paws has said is so right.

You haven't mentioned your son for a long time Katy - do you still see him? I wonder if we are struggling with not having someone with us who loves and cares about us and gives us the support we need... we are living alone with our beloved furs, but they can't be the same as someone putting their arms around us and giving us a hug and praise and courage to go on, no matter how wonderful and loving our pets are... I think you need someone to have faith in you, and that's what i need too. So keep going because Paws and I want to be cheering you on at your graduation dear lady.

Paws, you too, you are worthy of so much more love than you were given (I don't mean your family but your ex..) You are so kind and thoughtful to others... and you love Woofa so much...

Anyway just some thoughts... Let us know how you go Katy. hugs to everyone

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Did you manage to get to your prac today? How did you go if you did? I hope you are OK. Fluffy hugs xoxoxo

[Nimi]

Hey Katy!

I really hope you are doing okay. I wanted to check in and see if you are alright. I just wanted you to know that you are irreplaceable, so I hope that you have had the chance to get some self-care in and treat yourself! Sending you all the best wishes.

- Lazy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Not a lecture at all, lovely Paws, thankyou. This really spoke to me: "so tiring struggling every hour of every day"

I feel incredibly tired, and just want a break. Interestingly, one of my fellow students has chronic fatigue syndrome, and she described using the steps method to get herself to uni yesterday, and rewarded herself with hot chips for arriving before lunch time. It aligns with everything you've said. She's pretty amazing actually, and is really helping to get me through. She does a lot of talking and organising for me, as she can see I'm not managing.

Hanna, you're absolutely right about not having someone there for you. I really think it would make a world of difference. My son won't even come and visit me. He was going to come last Christmas and changed plans last minute, and has been "too busy" to come since. He's in his early 20's, and I'm thinking it's just a young male sort of mentality, but it still hurts. That being said, he does keep in regular contact via messages, so it's not like he's estranged, I'd just like to spend some face to face time with him. Family are hard, aren't they?

Nimi, thanks for checking in, that's really lovely of you. I got myself to yoga last night even though I can't really afford it, so that was nice. I hope you're doing ok 🙂

Well this morning we're working online so I don't have to drag myself in until lunch time, and then it's only a few hours to get through, and just one more day until the weekend. I can do this!

Thanks as ever, and hugs right back xo