Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

I hope you manage to make it to your Wednesday yoga tomorrow, remember you do deserve to do nice things for yourself.

Take care

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna, Hi Paws, Hi to anyone else

Negative self talk and self hate on overdrive this week. I'd love a break from prac just for a break from myself. I find that I analyse everything I say and do, and I feel like I'm getting it all wrong. Wish I had a support person that I could talk to. I knew this would be a huge challenge and it is, and it's another month until I can talk to my psych.

Anyway, people don't really chat at yoga, but that's ok, it's still nice to be around people and yoga makes me feel good. I can't afford Wednesday's anymore though unfortunately. Classes were $7 during stage 3 lockdowns, and $18 during stage 4! Bit much for me on a budget. I'll have to stick to Saturday's $5 class. I don't know if there's something else I could do mid week that would get me out a bit. I'm feeling lonely a lot lately, even though I'm around people all day Monday to Friday now.

In "something nice news", my dog and cat are snuggled up together next to me, and the cat's big fluffy tail is draped over the dog's neck. There's something so sweet and lovely about it.

Big hugs to you both. I hope you're doing ok with your own challenges.

PS: tomorrow I'm wearing a sky blue cardigan xo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

Hang in there girl - blue sounds nice! Yes I'm surprised you don't have a mentor or someone you can go to for support/advice during the prac - it sounds a bit pressured. Just put your head down and keep plodding on, you can only do your best and I'm sure you are doing fine, you always think you are not doing well when you are!

I'm sorry I'm not very well with anaemia so just a short post I'm sorry you're alone, the pets sound lovely, do keep going with your prac i'm sure you're doing better than you think you are. Sending warm hugs Katy girl xoxoxo

[Hanna3]

I'm down with a tummy bug Katy but let us know how you're going - hang in there girl and change that self talk to positive things - you need to retune/recalibrate the messages you give yourselt! Think of three POSITIVE things you can say about yourself - things you like about yourself, eg. I think I look nice in blue (or whatever), I am worthwhile, I am good at what I do... cheering you on here, hugs xoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Anyone got tips on being brave? I could not get myself to walk through the door at uni today, so I've come home. I have a meeting in 2 hours and I've got to try and get myself together and go.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

I'm sorry lass but I've only just jumped on the computer so this is too late to help for your meeting. I hope you did find a way to manage to get to it.

Just for in the future one thing I do when I don't feel able to go somewhere is to do it in stages,. I do each stage without any pressure on my self to do it all. So I get dressed on the understanding that I'm just getting changed it doesn't mean I have to go. If I manage that then, I drive to my destination on the understanding I don't have to go in, I can see how I feel when I get there & it will be ok if I get there & turn around & come home. I have on occasion gotten this far & turned for home rather than go in, but most times once I'm there I do manage to go in. Don't know if that will work for you, but wouldn't hurt to try it.

You are brave lass, you have made it this far with your studies. Only a short while left to go. You can do this.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Gosh Katy I most often don't come on BB until the evening - I hope you made it there, what Paws has said is great advice - I'll check by here later on in case you've posted a reply... really hoping you got there girl and how did it go if you did!!!! xoxoxo hugs

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, I have come by again but you're not here. I hope you managed OK today... sending hugs xoxoxo

[Hanna3]

If you didn't make it, can you tell them you had an anxiety attack, or that you were unwell? xoxoxoxo Let us know how you went Katy... I'll come by tomorrow xoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I did make it there. I do wish my anxiety was just me "dying on the inside", but it involves shaking, crying and an inability to get words out. So I won't say it went well. They were very good about it. They told me I'm going ok on prac but I should probably take a few days off. So I'm having a long weekend. I'm going to do something nice tomorrow - maybe read, and attend to my plants (and probably go to my favourite nursery and buy a new one!). I feel really tired and yuk and I need a hug.

Sigh...

I hope your day's were ok, ladies. Thanks as ever for being here. I do like the idea of steps. I'll be using that one, as I imagine it takes some pressure off "having to" do things, but rather refocuses it to "getting ready" to do things.

Big (teary) hugs xo