Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[calmseeker]

Katy - What was keeping you occupied on Netflix? I need some suggestions, I have watched everything I can find on there that interests me but I may have flicked through some good stuff that I am not aware of. Have you seen the 'Tiger King' show that everyone was raving about for a while?

The asylum seekers component of your course sounds interesting. I am a bit fascinated with the course you are undertaking and find it interesting hearing about the different parts of it.

I saw a lady walking her dog today who looked identical to your Stormy. I knew it wasn't you (lol) as a.Its QLD and b. she looked too grumpy to be you. I picture you with a pleasant expression and fit looking. This lady looked mean!! But her dog was cute 🙂

I hope you are plodding along ok and feeling better.

Have an awesome day.

CS x

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, I just replied to you on my thread but there's a good article on the internet from The Australia Institute on the value of community gardens - things like disconnect from food production, climate change/reduction in emissions/gardens now less common with people in units/covid19 might be timely to mention too - school programmes of community gardens - etc etc. You probably have all this in mind but still in case it gives you any ideas... I knew one student who would eat through a dozen Mars bars because she had writer's block for an essay - and yes the Black Dog has hit me today, but you see how much I'd rather Google community gardens that write a frigging timeline for gas leaks...

You'll get there girl... sending warm furry Mr Sam hugs xoxoxo

[Hanna3]

Katy - hope I'm not being a bothersome pest, but do mention some downsides of community gardens if it fits with your question - eg personality clashes, competition for grants/donations by local businesses etc etc. Just googled these and there were several articles. xoxo

[Hanna3]

Apologies if I'm being a pest - but I used to start a lot of my essays with a cartoon picture because the academics marking these things are bored witless, and anything different that wakes them up is a plus! I googled cartoons about community gardening and there's one of a couple drinking red wine and the guy is saying " Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious". Just reference the cartoon if you use one. I used to watch my brother marking dozens of essays and if one stood out with something funny he'd get positively excited because he was soooo bored. xoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi CS and Hanna and anyone else reading along x

CS, apologies for the tardy reply. I was watching the second season of Dead to Me on netflix. Quite darkly humorous. Have you seen it at all? I haven't had time for watching much else, and I'm not really inspired to watch the Tiger King.

Yes, my course is terrifically interesting. My current focus is on community gardens as you can see from Hanna's wonderful suggestions. I really know nothing about them, but we needed to discuss a community project, and there used to be a community garden here locally that the prisoners were allowed out to work on. It sort of got abandoned before it was even up and fully functioning so I'm not sure what happened there. But I thought it was a really good idea as something that could bring the community together, with a miriad of potential benefits.

I'm definitely plodding along. That's a very apt description in fact. How is all with you? I'm sorry for my lack of support. I did read that you have trouble going to the dr. I have the same. Have you managed to get yourself there yet and get checked out?

Hanna, great suggestions thanks, that's very helpful. I love the idea of a cartoon! I imagine it would get boring to read quite repetitious assignments. I got another mark back today, and am pleased to say I (somehow) excelled. So I'm feeling quite chuffed. It's always easy to find motivation off the back of a good mark, so I'm grateful for the timing!

Anyway, monkey, sleepy, paws, hanna, cs, anyone else who's ever been by my thread and lifted me up - big huge thanks and hugs to you all, you're very much appreciated x

[Hanna3]

Good morning Katy! How wonderful you got a great mark back, that should give you a real boost and well done you!

When I saw the cartoon I thought it was funny, since the people who worked on the community garden back in my coastal town were a bit like that - kind of " look how good we are growing all this healthy organic stuff, aren't we super cool and self important" about it all.

I did get another Randolph Stow at the 2nd hand bookstore a while back, I've just started reading it now, it's called The Girl Green as Elderflower and written when he went back to live in the UK suffering from malaria I think - anyway it's a story all mixed up with ancient Celtic mythology and I'm enjoying it! I'd never heard of it. Still haven't got to the merry go round book though.

Happy essay writing dear lady, xoxoxo

[calmseeker]

Hi Katy,

I will have to check out Dead to Me, I like a bit of dark humour so it may be something I will enjoy.

Don't worry a single bit about not being around for support, it works both ways and I really thing you have to be in the right headspace to give or receive support on here. Strangely, sometimes when I am feeling at my worst I don't come on even though its probably a time that I should come on (if that makes sense). Anyhow, you have given me and many others bags of support through this forum and its appreciated.

No, haven't got to the docs yet. Gosh I am so chicken. I have been hoping to wake up feeling better so I get out of having to go. My throat feels squishy/spongy and sometimes I feel like something is lodged in it, the fatigue is the worst I have ever felt and I have numbness up through my chin and nostrils. I am not sure this can be written off as anxiety symptoms. I am getting a bit sick of myself/annoyed with my lack of courage. I mean, its just a gp appointment isn't it? In my catastrophising mind its the start of the end! I will find a way somehow.

Have they relaxed the rule about movement within your state? Are you able to drive to the part of the state your son lives in now if you wanted/needed to?

Sending best wishes in you direction for an awesome day, CS x

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

It's the most amazingly beautiful day here today! I decided to drive into town for a donut and coffee, and it just looked so gorgeous by the water that I got the dog out and took her for a walk along the footpath first. The water was flat and not a cloud in the sky, and though cool it was just lovely. We even saw a playful dolphin skitting about.

Thanks Hanna, yes, so great to get a good mark back. I can imagine that some community gardens could be like that, very "club-ish" and exclusive. I'm envisaging mine as attached to a community welfare organisation, and having the purpose of providing fruit and veg to needy people, as well as being an inclusive space for people who are socially isolated, to connect with others. So I have to plan it out, write a budget, talk about how I'm going to include people, incorporate theory (we do A LOT of theory) etc.

Is your library back open? Ours is still closed. The Salvos are back open though, so I may go there for a book browse sometime. You must let me know how you found your Stow book once you're done. I might add that to the list.

CS it's hard to tell what are anxiety symptoms and what aren't - the list seems so long! I feel like you've had these symptoms for a while though, is that right? That's a bit concerning. I wonder how you could get yourself to go? I find that booking an appointment online helps as I don't have to face talking to someone, and it seems less "real" too if you know what I mean. I also book an early appointment so I don't have the day to think about it and chicken out. Another method I use is to tell someone I'm going to do something. If I say it out loud I'm committed, and I "have" to do it. Anyway, not sure if any of that helps. We can only do what we can only do.

And yes to your question, our borders opened up yesterday. It is a relief knowing I can go there now if I want. Things seem to be returning to normal here. We've had an incredibly low number of cases in WA, so restrictions are getting lifted all over the place. What's it like where you are? Are things getting back to usual?

Big squishy hugs to you both - I'm layered up like I'm off to the snow so they're definitely squishy hugs xo

[Guest_1643]

Hey Katy,

Hope all's going well with assignment crunch-time, and that you and your pup are great.
Interesting to read about the restrictions being lifted. I think that's awesome that the Salvos are back open, they are, to my mind, such an essential service! I've been doing a lot of shopping at the 2 dollar store for knick knacks and little things - our Salvos is still shut and sadly the libraries too. I find it interesting to watch which clusters of things open at which time, I always drive past the salvos with curiosity to check out if its doors are open....

How is it with all the reopened services? Are people going out much more?

Here in Victoria it's all very gradual.

Sending best to you and hoping everything is calm and good where you are!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Your walk by the water sounds lovely & relaxing. How wonderful for you seeing the dolphin, I'm so envious.

I think you choosing a community garden is a great choice. Where I used to work in Melbourne was near a number of community gardens that had been developed around the public housing unit towers in Melbourne, that are for all the low socio-economic people in the area. They include some raised garden beds for the elderly/disabled, wide hard paths for wheelchair/walker access. The gardens are a mix of allotment beds (the person pays a small annual fee then grows for their own use & shares excess) & community beds where anyone can take what they need. Excess food is offered for free in the community centre at the base of each tower. Many of the people who use the gardens are refugees, single mums, elderly tenants who have no other social connections. They often do a community lunch in the garden, where the people make something from the food in the garden & then they all sit around & share what they have made. They are mostly run by charity groups or local community groups. They also grow & sell plants at local markets to raise funds & have open days for people interested to see what goes on in one & to spread the word, I found them to be thriving places where anyone was welcome & filled with foods I'd never heard of.

Sending you hugs & pats to Storm

Paws