Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Sometimes you find out more than you needed to know. I've been trying to be ok with my "due date" coming around (it's now passed). Then someone contacted me to say she's been with my ex for ten years and they have a child together and are expecting another one. They also had a miscarriage some time after mine. I remember him crying in my kitchen. I thought he was crying over our baby, but he was crying over theirs.

It's all just yukky and confusing and I wish these people would just leave me alone. I want a peaceful life full of respect and normalcy. I don't understand people that treat people illy, when kindness and honesty are such beautiful things. I'm tired. Just so very tired.

[Hanna3]

Oh Katy!

I've come on late today and just seen your post. Dear lady I don't know what words to use to you.

Has this relationship with the other woman been going all the time you were with him, was it going on when/before you met him? Why did this person phone you, what was their motive? What a terrible shock for you. I am so, so sorry for what you have been going through. You already had so much to deal with, and now this has hit you too.

Has there been anyone there to give you help/support during this? Your psych, a social worker, doctor, friend? This is too much to go through on your own.

Katy, you are worth better than this man. You deserve much, much better. You must be feeling so much grief and hurt. I won't use the words I would like to about your ex.... I'm so upset he's hurt you so badly.

I am sending the biggest hugs I can, and please dear lady vent as much as you like to whomever you like here, it's what we're here for, and I know your friends here will give you as much support as we all can.

You will get through this dear lady, you will, we will help you. Hugs and furry soft ones from Sam xoxoxoxo

Please keep in touch with us Katy, we're here for you dear one xoxo

[Hanna3]

I hope it's OK Katy, I've let CS and Paws know you are in need of some support on your thread. I don't know when they'll be back on, but I hope you don't mind. I know they both care about you. xoxoxo

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I have no idea to what end she contacted me. I don't even know how she found me, given it was through facebook and my ex never used it. But I also didn't read much of what she had to say. What I saw was enough.

I don't even know why it hurts so much. I thought it couldn't hurt worse than it already did. But somehow it does.

Maybe because I know I'm a good and kind person, and someone betrayed me anyway. And now, even worse than I originally thought.

I must remember that even though my baby meant nothing to him, she meant the world to me, and that's all that matters. She was loved.

All my sad and sordid thoughts out there for the world to see. Because I don't have anyone, no. Thanks for listening

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy,

Just read your post. Sounds really difficult.
i hope you are feeling okay... i admire that you didn't read the whole message and just got the gist and shut it down. It's good to stay away from things that hurt us and you don't owe her (or anyone) anything.
Hope you feel okay after sharing and that this space is somewhere you can dip in and out of when you need. Thinking of you and sending you support, strength and care

[Hanna3]

Hi again Katy,

I logged on again to see how you are. I'm sorry there is not much privacy for you here. You need someone with you during this, and I'm so sorry you don't have anyone because you deserve a darn good friend(s) to be with you during this time, and especially tomorrow which I know will be a tough day for you.

OK, so he apparently had this other relationship going on at the same time as yours. Did he give reasons for being absent from you etc? Rotten ####!! sod. excuse me. I'm so angry that he's hurt you so much.

I think he might have been crying for his and your daughter Zea as well as the other child. But he left you to deal with Zea's loss alone. That was unforgivable & cowardly.

When do you see your psych next Katy? Have you been coping with this utterly without help?

I could happily kick him from here to Timbuctoo for doing this to you, grrr. Dear lady, you have friends here who care about you. You loved Zea, tomorrow with the necklace on for her remember you did love her & always will.

It's going to take time and talking to find a way to deal with this dear Katy. Vent her as much as you want, the others will come on and help too. I feel inadequate to know how best to help you, but I'm here, I care, I am so dreadfully sorry you have been so terribly, terribly hurt. You do not deserve this and you know you don't. You have been treated in a dreadful way and you feel rightly betrayed & are dealing with a mass of feelings and emotions.

Katy, have you taken a break from Uni? Just so we know how much you have to cope with - are you studying, is it break, or have you stopped your course? How much do you have on your shoulders on top of this bombshell news?

I don't know what more to say here, just that I wish we could all be there with you and I can imagine some of the language we might use about your ex!!!! You need a few pals there who could tell you what a complete ##!!!!***#!! he is, and how worthwhile you are, and how much you are better off with him way, way out of your life...

Sending big hugs from me, really big bear hugs, and soft fluffy warm loving ones from little Sam, who would curl up in your lap and lick your face to try to cheer you up if he only could... Hug Storm, cry your heart out, smash some (cheap) china, scream all you want (don't frighten the neighbours too much though) & vent away here dear one. We have plenty of ears to listen here.

HUGS HUGS HUGS hugs hugs hugs (the little ones from Sam) xoxoxo

[Hanna3]

And, BTW, you know if I - and I'm sure the others who usually come and chat with you here - were with you, we'd turn the air blue telling you what a sodden bastard your ex is, and then take you out and get you thoroughly drunk while we'd all devise diabolical ways for you to get even with him and we'd all end up laughing with glee at the prospect of all the horrors that we'd like to have descend upon him. Yay!

Sam is dying to bite him hard on the ankle already. :>)

xoxoxoxoxo

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, I'm sorry nobody else seems to be around, I hope you are OK today. Do let me know how you are, I'll log on again later today. Sending hugs xoxo

[monkey_magic]

Hi Katyonthehamsterwheel,

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I've been through something similar many years ago and I know the dark place it can spiral you into. I ended up not having the baby.

You are definitely better off without the creep. My guy was creeping around and hid it all from me. They are so wrong on so many levels.

There's nothing you could have done to prevented his behaviour.... there's nothing I could have done. I loved him with every morsel of my being and I still think of him but they are no longer worth our love or time.

Now you know more of the truth about him....and it hurts...sorry hun. Some men are just horrible liers. I had to learn the hard way too.

For what it's worth use your strength to pull yourself through this betrayal...when you're ready...

I hope you can find solace in the beauty within and around you and get to enjoy more beach time, as you are so worth it....

With a betrayal you become more wary the next time around... I think you become wiser. I personally think twice about what a person says and does and look for signs...I think the hurt made me smarter. Bcas I obv never want to go through it again. U become you're own investigator.

Hope today is kinder to you.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

On this day of all days I just wanted to give you a hug.

Zea is always with you lass & you will always be her mum. That can never be taken from you.

I hope one day she will have siblings who love her as I love the brother I never got to meet.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

Lass please call one of the help lines if you need someone to hear you